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Please Help with my depression

My Story

I started smoking marijuana when i was 15 years old. It always gave me energy and motivation to do things. When I wasn't smoking I had no energy. Because I was out of home at a young age I never really owned much due to my habit.

I quit smoking marijuana at age 22 because I was in a bad state and wasn't getting anywhere in life. In addition, I could not put on weight, sitting at around 55kg. About 3 months after I had stopped smoking, I started to get migraines and a recurring burning sensation in my stomach every day.

I was told it was my impacted wisdom tooth causing the pain, so I had it removed after living with the pain for 2 years. After having my tooth removed, I gained weight to put me at around 80kg.

During this time, I was diagnosed with a mild case of bipolar disorder. In addition to this, I began feeling depressed and stressed from all of the pain I had been feeling. I lost all motivation and energy, which resulted in me finally smoking marijuana once more.

immediately, my headaches and burning sensation were relieved, I felt energetic and motivated, and I was able to feel happy once more. This also allowed me to work much more once again. My fiancé and I felt as though everything was normal once more. Despite this, over the next two years, my weight fell to 55kg once more. However, due to family history, this did not bother me too badly, considering my father is small as well.

Not long after, my fiancé fell ill and our relationship was put under stress. We ended up separating for a month, and after her parents told me that the stress we were under was caused by my smoking habits, I quit immediately. My feelings for her were far stronger than my desire to smoke.

Three months later, I experienced another rough patch in my life. My headaches returned, I had the rest of my wisdom teeth pulled, and I gained weight, which put me at 90kg. After finding my best friend after he had committed suicide in my house, I experienced extreme depression. I had a very difficult time expressing my emotions, which was a point of concern for my now six months pregnant fiancé.

A few months later, my fiancé gave birth to our daughter. She is a perfect child and gives us no stress. Despite this happy moment in my life, I was rooted on the couch in constant pain while my relationship with my fiancé deteriorated.

This time, I took different measures to determine what was causing pain. I had my eyes checked, underwent CT scans of my brain, spoke with doctor after doctor, and even went so far as to try Nero brain therapy. Despite this, the results came back normal every time. I took many medications for my pain, which led to debt and aided in hurting my relationship. I felt worthless.

One day, when I was 30 years of age, my former brother-in-law offered me a small amount of marijuana, which I accepted. It took me over a month to break down and smoke the marijuana, which I did in secret, but almost instantly, the pain dissipated and I was motivated to work once more after six months of not being able to.

I didn't make smoking another routine habit, even though the pain returned a few days after I had initially smoked the marijuana my former brother-in-law gave me. After two weeks, I bought a small amount of marijuana to experiment and see if that was exactly what was numbing my pain. I experienced the same feelings as before; no more pain. My fiancé became suspicious of my sudden energy boosts, so I came clean and told her the truth. To my surprise, she wasn't angry and supported me. She told me I was a much happier person, did my work, and was more attentive to her when I was smoking.

We came to the conclusion that smoking marijuana helped me. However, there has to be a better alternative, rather than using an illegal drug to lessen my pain. Please help us.
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Avatar universal
I think you should go for proper medication and exercise, Zoloft antidepressant can help you better. I would suggest you to consult with a doctor and go for proper treatment.
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Avatar universal
The only alternative I can think of is meditation -- if you can reach alpha that way you might not need the drug.  I suffered from migraines until a doctor suggested I try meditation, and they've been pretty much gone since.  But if nothing else works, I'm with the above poster, it's hard to find something that works in this world and if you're stuck with smoking pot, there are worse things by far to be stuck with.
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Avatar universal
Well I think that if mj relieves your pain, it is far better than taking pain meds or benzos or psych drugs. Pot is medicine, and even the medical community agrees with that. It's only a matter of time before it becomes legal nation wide. The tax revenue will be irresistible to the government.  I support you smoking if your wife is on board. Just don't do it around the baby. Good luck to you and be happy.
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