Please reply .. I need advice

Question

Life is a bit tough at the moment and it seems to be getting worst. I was feeling really down today. and I've been feeling off. People talk to me but I just can't help but wonder off in my mind, and have difficult focusing on the conversation. I thought I was tired since that's what everyone kept saying. But I've been sleeping fine. Today I was feeling even more so down then ever cause all my problems kept replaying in my mind. My body felt heavy, and it was difficult for me to move. I forced myself anyways and got to the kitchen when I started crying. I suddenly felt even more heavy but I ignored it. And then I started feeling ill. And then dizzy. And then my right arm went numb, like I couldn't use it. The rest of my body felt odd. I just stood there until I could walk. My arm still felt tingly and I still feel sick. I can't focus on my work or anything. And my food habits are going up and down.. I don't know what's wrong. I keep thinking bad thoughts and I just can't help it. Please don't tell me I'm PMSing or hormonal or whatever. I'm not either one. I don't know what is wrong but I don't feel right. What do I do?

brice1967 · Answer

As brutal as this may sound, I'd like for you to hear me out.  You're never going to be able to change another person.  We are all only in charge of ourselves.  No matter how much you want to help, no matter how much good life saving advice you may be armed with and provide to a struggling individual, they have to make the decision to fix things on their own.

Where you can help is to be supportive.  Some people confuse "supportive" with "enabling".  Sometimes, for the sake of our own safety and well being, being supportive can mean taking a step back from the situation and making sure that we are okay.  if were not okay, we cannot be supportive.  By being supportive, you can encourage good behaviors and things like that.  Where people often confuse support with enabling is, they give in to what the other person wants to do.  Giving in is enabling... that is where taking a step back becomes important.

Just putting this out there because I just took a course in it, if these other people are suicidal, do whatever you can to make sure that they are safe.  Come out and ask them if they intend on hurting themselves.  if they say they are or they might, ask them to allow you to get them some help and get them to a health care facility as fast and as safely as you can.  let them know that you can tell that they are having a hard time and you want them to know that you care enough to help them help themselves.

About your own health again.  Your no good to anyone if you're not healthy yourself.  You can't take on the worlds problems but you can certainly address every one of yours.  You are that strong!

Bubulous · Answer

I agree with anxiousnomore.  I often run into problems when I see things that I wish I could change.  My insight tells me that it is the right thing to do and I want to so bad but I have learned that it is impossible to change people unless they ask for it.  You say that they are not your problems but you have made them your problems and I am guessing that you have enough of your own that could use some attention.  If you cannot change the world around you- change the world around you.

Zam2y · Answer

They aren't my problems. They are my family problems which affect me. I tried so many times to help them but they don't want to be helped. I guess was saddens me the most is that I just got to sit and watch.

Bubulous · Answer

From my experience unresolved problems do not go away.  What is likely going on is the things you are needing to deal with are re-playing over and over in your mind.  I would try writing down the things that are crossing your mind and use logic to deal with what you can deal with know and understand that other things are going to have to wait.  A clear mind will really help.