I've felt the supergirl complex, and that I'm loading people. Somewhere along the line my mind built this whole defense system. It brings up a solid wall when a mood hits and niether I nor my friends can get past it. I've learned to censor myself, my words. I know what to say and to who but alot of the time just gloss over over completely sidestep the issue. I know some of them want to help, but some I don't want to overload them, and some I know I simply can't go to. Even those with experience with me, older friends I trust some days I don't go to. Family is majorly censored. My father was always out, my mom who is bipolar herself and has been the most affected by my path of self destruction is more cut off than anybody. She tells me things and there's an armed guard, it's not consciously, she's manipulative as the air I breathe but I detect her as a threat and immediately shut down. I hate talking to people about it, those walls are meant to be there for a reason. The only exception is my husband. It may take me two days at most to go to him but I always do. Like he shot the controls locking his wall. There are no censors or hesitation. I don't understand it, it's frustrating when the words just come out with ease to him but no one else. But I am for sure never taking it for granted. He is the best and only person fit to handle the information because he sees it every day. To shut him out would be suicidal..literally.
I have battled with the same thing for quite sometime now. I feel like I should keep more of my life to myself and not expect others to constantly help me. As much as I am aware that friends are there to support you, not all friends are on the support trail sadly. I have this thing where I am always trying to help. I spend my life trying to be super girl, trying to help, being all I can just to make someone happy. I get to now understand that its not cool.
Bottom line, there are certain things that one needs to deal with on their own. So yes its not always wise to tell your friends everything. Its nice to talk about our issues with the people that we know care about us but growing as a person also includes doing solving your own puzzles. Also, people are hurtful and vindictive -___- they are not above throwing your issues in your face. Not only that but we all as people, nice as we can be ought to know how to leave people to deal with their own problems as well.
Anna