I have a really close relationship with my mom and my boyfriend. And over the last 2 months my depression and anxiety came back full force. But I feel like I can't tell either one of them much about it.
With my mom its because she has her own issues, she has PTSD and depression as well, and hers has become very very bad lately. I do everything I can when I'm home from college (once a week), we talk about what she's going through and do fun stuff together. I want to tell her about how bad things have gotten, I wish I could talk to her, but I know she is in a fragile place right now and I know how worried and overwhelmed she would be if she knew. So even though I know she would be supportive, I think it would be potentially volatile if she knew her child was in pain on top of everything else she's dealing with.
With my boyfriend its completely different. We have been together 5 years, he knows me better than anyone and he has seen me depressed before; but because we dont live together he only sees what I let him and what i can't hide. And so far he has been great, asking how Im doing and stuff. But I'm tired of being a wet blanket, I love that I know I can talk to him when I'm depressed, but who would want to be in a relationship like that?? I asked if how I've been has been stressing him out or anything and he said not at all, but still... I just feel like its getting in the way. If I didn't spend an hour and a half sobbing we could have been seeing a movie, or going out to eat, or doing anything else fun. But instead it brings down the mood, and i dont care I know it has to worry him a little, and gets in the way. I just know we were really happy this summer, and we're doing fine now, but its missing the fun.. we still dont fight and we have a great sex life, but the fun isn't there like it was before. I'm not fun anymore.
So I've been thinking that if I don't tell him whats going on then he can believe I'm getting better and when we're together I can put on a face and not be such a downer. I think "well, I'll just bring it up in therapy or group instead". But they are the ones I really want to talk to.. group and therapy are great, but its not the same and I just want to tell them so bad everytime I'm upset, but I can't think of how or when to say things. I'm so lonely.