U P D A T E : suicidal confession. what now?

[lynnsee]

just background info, my ex bf told MW he thinks about committing suicide a lot. I am the only one he has confided in and didn't know how yo handle that but ultimately told his mom.


update: we are currently back together working on things. but since we started talking about our relationship again, he has cried to me at least 2 times everyday. today is Monday so since about last Thursday. he cries about still feeling like he just wants to end his life. he feels like he has no reason to be here. as if no one would miss him or even care. he's put me through a lot in the past 5 years together and he fears that because of our past that I'm just gonna give up on him. he's been different since we started even talking again. and I see that but he still worries. I even reminded him that he has a brand new nephew who he wouldn't be able to see grow if he were to do such a thing as take his own life. his response was its ok, he'll never remember me. he does say that the fact that we're giving us another shot helps though. the fact that he can talk to me and I'm nothing but supportive and suck that it helps too.

idk. I just really need some advice. idk what to do. he refuses to get help. or at least right now. but what should I do. I've already told his mom. what more can I do?

[lynnsee]

*such, not suck

sorry about all the type-os. I was in a rush.

[thatquietgirl]

Unfortunately, there's no more you can do but support him and be there for him but gently point him toward help and resources.  Suggest journaling to him as an outlet (be sure to tell him you're still willing to listen but trying to give him something he can use if for some reason you're not available), try to get him out doing things, try to encourage him to spend time with friends so you're not the only person he's around.  

If you ever have reason to believe he is a danger to himself beyond just having the suicidal idealizations (there is a difference between contemplating suicide frequently and actually putting plans in place), call 9-1-1 as it would be a psychiatric emergency.  His upset at the "betrayal of trust" is so meaningless compared to saving his life and getting him that help.  But do be certain it is beyond the point of he's just contemplating it.

[lynnsee]

he actually always keeps himself busy. and he has a lot of friends. he rides bmx and loves that stuff with a passion. however he does smoke weed and drink. he said sometimes he gets to the point where he gets so messed up and doesn't care what happens to himself. he said it wasn't that he was actually trying to die but wouldn't care if he did. I think he's tried other drugs too but I'm not too sure. he says even though he stays busy and hangs out with people, its all just a front he puts up because the truth is he just isn't happy with himself. he says he's "already" 21 as if he was supposed to have everything figured out by now but I told him he is "only 21. he has his whole life ahead of him. but he doesn't see it that way.

[thatquietgirl]

Very good advice.  He does still have a lot of learning to do.  Most people don't have life figured out at all by that time these days.  It seems like he needs to find something he enjoys and improve himself in that way.  Might make himself feel better about himself if he gets something going.  It's hard to watch a boyfriend in that situation.  It might also help if he didn't smoke weed and drink (alcohol is a depressant), but that's going to have to be something he personally chooses not to do.

I am glad to hear he's at least not isolating.  Oftentimes people who are feeling depressed isolate, which is why I was suggesting getting him out and around people.

[lynnsee]

well he does do bmx. he loves that stuff. but lately he's felt like ehhh I just dont feel like riding. he cries a lot. like a lot. it makes me cry because even though he says that our relationship kinda made him feel worse but getting back together helped make him feel better, there's not a specific thing I can actually do to help make him happy and not feel this way. he says he wants a family and a life with me but still feels like he shouldn't even live. another issue is he fears I'm just gonna leave and give up on him and us. but I dont have any reason to. yea our last was terrible but its not like that now. I try reassuring him that I love him and just wanna be with him but he still gets worried and cries. is there anything else I can maybe do to help that I haven't already tried. I just get more and more worried every time he talks about it which is about everyday now.

[lynnsee]

*our past

[4Maddie44]

Will the young man see a doctor and discuss what is worrying him?  I know it is very difficult for young men to discuss their emotions with people.  If his family now know how he is feeling, have they been able to talk to him, and help?  

The best thing you can do for him, is be there to support him, and encourage him to see a doctor.

[lynnsee]

he doesn't want anything on his record because he wants to join the military soon. mom knows but idk if she's talked to him about it. he would have told me if she did cuz I'm the only one he talks too about everything.

[Everlastingocd]

Hi,

I dont know his background. But it sounds to me like he feels his family doesnt support or care if he lives. I say that because you told his mom and she has done nothing that you know of to help. Also, often with those whose families like to "sweep things under the rug" so to speak they will put on a show to the outside world to make everyone believe that things are fine. Please find a way to get him to counseling and stay out of the military. If he has this kind of depression now, think how bad military life would be....especially since many of our service men and women end up with PTSD.

I also worry about your future. You cant be expected to live your life with all this hanging over your head. I think its great that you are being supportive and asking for ways to help him. Just dont lose yourself in the mix. Best of luck to you both.  

[4Maddie44]

Surely if the young man is depressed to the point of suicide, the military is not a good place for him.  How will he cope?