Very Depressed...So Confused

[JKJ]

So much is going wrong with therapy (or a lack thereof) right now that it's just making my depression worse.  My situation is complicated.  I can't switch tdocs because I'm a VA pt.  It's a really bad mess and it's only getting worse.  Tdoc person realizes my depression is getting worse but she doesn't realize that she is a big part of the cause!!!

The ugly thoughts have been making a comeback in my mind the past couple of days.

To make matters worse on the way home from my appt on Tuesday I was in a minor car accident...some lady rear-ended me so now I have to deal with getting my car fixed and all of that ****.

I just so want it all to end.

[JKJ]

i've asked before about getting approved for fee basis to go to a "real" hospital for treatment and i get told no over and over.  i'm told to either stay at the VA i'm at or travel to another VA over an hour away!!!!! (at my expense).  its so much BS.

she put me on abilify and, again, i had bad, bad reactions to it (like i do all meds so far).

have another appt tuesday; she wants to start a new med, not sure the status of therapy...guess i'll find out then.  i just can't do this much longer...

[Venora Moonwind]

  you know I think you can demand a referalto see someone else other than at the VA.When my dad was ill, they gave him many referals to see specialists so I am almost 99.9% sure that you could do the same.
That isnt cool of the an.m to be in tears when she is supposed to helping you.
If you cant get a refera l(and remember the squeaky wheel gets the grease)Contact your states social services. Most states have very good resources for mental health care for reduced cost based on ability to pay or free.
you really need a competant psychiatrist/therapist to help you get through this and get on the road to recovery.
Pm me any time you want someone to talk to. I will listen.
Love Venora

[JKJ]

thanks for your reply...its always good to find others who understand how truly bad the VA system really is.  i'm sorry you had to experience that; i hope you are feeling better.

i'm really scared to tell this rn how i really feel because of how she might react.  she was on the verge of tears at our last appt!  it was crazy!!!  i felt so uncomfortable just to be there.

i'm supposed to see her again on tuesday. the other problem is that she really isn't a therapist....she's an rn.  at this VA they are so short on tdocs they have been using rn's as tdocs for several years.  she has no training to be a tdoc and has admitted this!!

i've brought it up to the higher ups, but then she gets upset because she said that she gets in trouble for it (and nothing gets done).

i just feel so stuck.  so confused, so lost.

[Venora Moonwind]

I am sorry you are going through this right now.  I am tooo all familiar with the inadequecy of the VA system being an Amy brat and Air Force Vet and a retied Air Force spouce.
Let your therapist know she is part of the problem. If you need to write it all down what you are feeling and take it to her at your next appointment
Since my reg md and the Airforce base totally blew me off when I told him I was having trouble swallowing and breathing.by telling me to loose weight and stop smoking when it was a huge goiter with cancer in was found I have become VERY proactive in my physical and mental health care .I write it all down and take it with me and I MAKE the docs listen to me.
the docs or therapist cant help us if we arent totally honest with them and let them know exactly what is going on.
I am glad you werent hurt in the car accident
Post when you see you therapist again and let me know how it goes.
Love Venora