What do I do?

[answermyquestionthanks]

Since I was a minor until fairly recently, I don't know if I've ever been formally diagnosed with depression or anxiety, but I am currently medicated for both (Paxil and xanax).

My first period of depression occurred when I was 9 for probably 3-6 months.  On and off since then I have dealt with bouts of depression.  When I was 15 I started on Zoloft and cycled through a number of different antidepressants.  Eventually I stopped taking them because they made my depression worse or made me feel like I was living in a fog.  At age 16 I attempted suicide (and failed... because I can't even kill myself right).  Since then I have had depression on and off for maybe a week to a month at a time.

Since this past September, my anxiety and depression have increased dramatically, and I am at my breaking point.  I've been crying very frequently, feeling unable to get out of bed, feeling hopeless, etcetera.
I’ve recently begun to realize that I don’t know myself at all.  I feel like I’m stuck playing a role of someone who I’m not.  I have no idea how to find myself.  I’m in college now and have two part-time jobs, but I very infrequently find myself genuinely happy.

I want help, but everyone I’ve asked for help from tells me to either get medicated or see a therapist (both of which I’ve tried extensively).  I’m tired of nothing working.  I want to be happy or I don’t see any point in living anymore.

I just want help that works.

[SMcGregor]

Although many people are treated with anti-depressant drugs, these medications do not cure the underlying hurt or sadness that is the cause opf depression. When medication is taken away, the depression usually appears.

Learn to overcome depression by practicing and understanding the ability to neutralise or reprogram hurt memories stored in your subconscious mind, ability to focus the mind and the ability to relax and release stress...


Kindest regards,

[answermyquestionthanks]

I've been working at a shoe store part-time for over a year, and now I'm also working as a nanny.  I'm taking 15 credits this quarter and am on track to graduate with my Associate in Business degree after spring quarter.  Where I live there is a high school program where you can take college courses for high school and college credit simultaneously.  Technically I'm a sophomore in college even though I only graduated high school this past June.

I'm worried I'm going to look back on my life when I'm 30 and realized I wasn't ever happy.  I never enjoyed high school because I had a hard time fitting in which made my depression and anxiety even worse (shocker), and my family was always really hard on my about grades and succeeding in school (never lived up to those expectations... also a shocker).

My plan is to transfer to a 4-year university, and I have to start applications this winter.  I'm very stressed and the only person I feel comfortable talking about my issues with is my boyfriend.  He is very understanding, but he has his own problems and I don't want to ruin our relationship because of my mental health issues.

To reiterate, I have no idea what I'm doing and it's making me even more crazy than my baseline rate.

[CRSeaside]

Hi. Wow. No wonder you are tired. Tell me about your 2 jobs? How did you get them? You are probably smart & outgoing at least on the outside.
You are in College too? How many units are you carrying ?
I always felt different on the inside than the ACTress I felt like I was playing on the outside. What's been helping me recently is joining this MedHelp forum & connecting with people that I can relate to & lots have already helped me too. Please write back. Pamela