Since I was a minor until fairly recently, I don't know if I've ever been formally diagnosed with depression or anxiety, but I am currently medicated for both (Paxil and xanax).
My first period of depression occurred when I was 9 for probably 3-6 months. On and off since then I have dealt with bouts of depression. When I was 15 I started on Zoloft and cycled through a number of different antidepressants. Eventually I stopped taking them because they made my depression worse or made me feel like I was living in a fog. At age 16 I attempted suicide (and failed... because I can't even kill myself right). Since then I have had depression on and off for maybe a week to a month at a time.
Since this past September, my anxiety and depression have increased dramatically, and I am at my breaking point. I've been crying very frequently, feeling unable to get out of bed, feeling hopeless, etcetera.
I’ve recently begun to realize that I don’t know myself at all. I feel like I’m stuck playing a role of someone who I’m not. I have no idea how to find myself. I’m in college now and have two part-time jobs, but I very infrequently find myself genuinely happy.
I want help, but everyone I’ve asked for help from tells me to either get medicated or see a therapist (both of which I’ve tried extensively). I’m tired of nothing working. I want to be happy or I don’t see any point in living anymore.
I just want help that works.