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794366 tn?1418009395

What do you think about my situation?

I am a 56 y/o woman who is single and  I care for my 90 y/o mother who has dementia. I have devoted my life to caring for her so that she would not be put away.  Just recently my 22 y/o daughter started dating a guy and now she has her first boyfriend. My mother used to be my best friend who I would call whenever I needed someone to talk with and also my daughter and I used to do a lot of things together. My mother is basically not my mother anymore because of her memory loss and my daughter is busy with her boyfriend for which I am happy she has found but that leaves me all alone and depressed. I volunteer whenever I can at a hospice organization  and do administrative work which I love so much because it makes me feel like I am part of life and plus it takes me away from being with my mother which is hard to deal with. I just feel sad and alone.
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Avatar universal
I was in your same situation about taking  care of your mom mine had alzeimers, and congestive heart  I gave up  life to protect my mom from being dumped, we were best friends I talked to her about everything. I miss her so much. I had 2 stepdaughters that I guess could not care less about me the youngest and I were really close she got into drugs and is now deceased the oldest  I guess which was into drugs now just loves her beer and has straightened out her life their mom raised the oldest girls boy and the youngest girls 2 girls.  she gave up one baby for adoption I wanted her so bad my hubby did not want to he said they would come back later and take her from us, I am lost without m mom  I would not  change giving up that art of my lfe for her it was hard but she did have her normal days one ay she said they should be helping  you I told her it was ok we had each other ut deep down I never forgave them for  not helping. I had 1 sister  and she was nit there when you really needed her, she was lie an ostrich she would run and hide when a problem or something bad showed u. that is why I was so close to her youngest daughter, we were close I don't know what happened to her she moved In when I was on medication fr my severe deression and took over she is still here.sorry I got carried away no one to talk to , you shold be proud of yourself taking care of your mom the last thng inlife you can do is nake her comfy and hapy as you can,
Helpful - 1
1 Comments
sorry I got into my ife situation
7052683 tn?1392938795
Poo44

I hear ya, I am an only child and my mom was always my best friend, like you said, someone you could count on. and know they would always be there for you, right?

Nothing or no one will ever replace her and when she died. I wanted to go with her because all I am now is one of the many Orphaned daughters , with a hole in my life.

I lost my mom little by little with each day that passed. She had a blood cancer that made her need Constant review of her blood every week and if it wasn't good we would have to go to a cancer center for blood transfusions.

We were able to keep her with us for three years, as every new trial or drug was tried.

There is a special place in a mothers heart just for daughters, and that love is there weather she knows you or not. I thank and admire you for being a wonderful and caring daughter. I wish every one treated their mother that way. I will tell you this, when the time comes for her to go home, you can feel a great sense of peace, because you know you never left her side.

You are lucky enough to have a daughter that will always be there for you when the time comes, but for now she has to live Her life.  I know of the loneliness. since I have no children, and truly am an orphan now.

You seem to enjoy Hospice care and your associates, so perhaps that is where you can look for companionship, It must be a wonderful feeling doing the work you do

There is a time for everything, and I certainly know the frustration and loneliness you feel . Your mother is still here. ,I would give anything to sit by my mom weather she knew me or not. Take advantage of the time you have with her...and Your daughter will be there when the time comes that you need her.
Sincerely,
Clare

  
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Oh my goodness your post hit home with me because you truly understand what I am going through. You understand when I say that my heart is heavy and broken. You truly know what it means when I say that I feel so sad and depressed and alone. I feel for your situation and it shows me that you are truly a strong person. Thank you Clare for answering my post and validating my feelings. You made my day. I needed to hear what you wrote.
Thank you
Tbd
ExpectaMiracleExternal User
Hello there! I feel your pain. I'm 57, raising a 13 year old and my daughter passed at 33. My parents live within walking distance. My dad is 82 and my mom is 80 and she is having memory problems also. I feel privileged to have my parents still with me and I do my best to take care of my grandson in a way that would have pleased my daughter. I do get lonely sometimes too but then I think of all the tragedy in this world that happens every day and that brings me back to what is important. Take it one day at a time.. that's all you can do
Helpful - 0
3 Comments
I'm so sorry to hear of your tragedy and you are so right that I should take it one day at a time but I get so overwhelmed. I know my daughter needs to live her life and I am not stopping her but it happenned to come at a time when it seems that I'm losing my mother and I just feel alone is all.
Thank you for your well wishes. I do appreciate it.
god bless you both o will give you a gold star.
that was supposed to say God
973741 tn?1342342773
Ahhh, I'm sorry you are lonely.  You've given a great service to your mother with caregiving for her.  That's so hard. And dementia is particularly hard to deal with.  I'm sure there are days that this is not very rewarding for you!  Your daughter is doing what she is supposed to do.  As hard as that is.  She needs a life and to get on with it.  Finding love and starting her own family is the order of life.  But hard to feel like they have less time for you.  So, what can you do to build more relationships into your life?  Hey, you can post with us here.  We like to make friends and chat online!!  But also, you can get out and meet some people.  Do you live near a public library?  they often have book clubs and groups.  Same for churches.  (thinking of inexpensive or free things).  What about where you live?  Anyone around?  Exercise classes at the Y?  These are all avenues to make new connections that might reward you with friendship.  All caregivers need to also care for themselves and have time away.  We're here if you need to talk!!  hugs
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
Thank you for your understanding post about my situation. Unfortunately I am at my mother's every day and when I get home ppl don't show up to their shifts so I have to troubleshoot a lot of things. I wish I could shut off my phone and just get away but the reality of it is that I cannot. The only thing that I can do is volunteer weekly at a hospice organization doing administrative work which I love and I am surrounded by wonderful ppl.
Avatar universal
Sadness isn't a mental illness.  It passes.  You knew this would happen, I can't believe in this day and age it took your daughter until 22 to get a boyfriend -- this should have happened long ago and you'd be used to it by now.  But she's still alive, right?  She didn't die or move away, she's got someone else in her life too.  But again, sadness passes, you will get used to it.  
Helpful - 0
3 Comments
Listen Paxiled I have major depressive disorder and anxiety and I have a lot to deal with on my plate. My mother is not the same woman she was. She is not my mom. Stop focusing on my daughter and how old she is. She is graduating from university and has 3 jobs. I was talking about my situation.
so back off.
Sorry you took what I said, which was exactly what the others have said, in a wrong way.  You didn't mention the depression and anxiety disorder, so I had no way of knowing that part of it.  That does make it a much more difficult problem -- I have it too or I wouldn't be on this forum.  What I was meaning to say is, your daughter isn't out of your life, you just have to share her a bit more with her own life.  Your post suggested she was gone in a permanent way, but she isn't.  When I moved far away from friends and family and got this awful disorder, it was very hard, but while time doesn't solve depression and anxiety, it does soften the blows of distance from friends and family.  That part of it is sadness, and that part does pass as you get used to it.  Again, I'm sorry I made you angry, I had no way of knowing there was a whole lot more going on with your mental state.  Peace.
Peace to you Paxild
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