Suicide

[Ash1818]

I have called the suicide hotline multiple times, and I just do not think it is enough. Everyone around me is tired of me. Nobody thinks anything is wrong with me. I have went through so much last year, and I am just not sure how much longer I can keep going. I feel like the only option I have left is suicide. I keep trying to hold on for as long as I can, but I am just not sure how much longer I can last. I keep thinking about checking into a hospital, but I know a few of my family members will get mad at me. I do not know why I am being punished. I do not know why I have to go through so much.

[artemesia2]

I think you should seek psychiatric help asap.    Its true there are were some harrowing  experiences in the past year.   However there are meds who can't help you feel better.  I know personally since I'm being successfuly treated for depression.  Psychotherapy  may be helpful to sort out your emotions.   Starting a journal with positive thoughts.  You'd be surprised even what seems like the most minor  feat once you write it down reminds you accomplished something.     That you are not helpless.    That fact is crucial.  

[Ash1818]

I know that I definitely need help. I think it would be good idea for me to get a journal. I have been having a really hard time for a while now. I hope that things get better soon.

[Ash1818]

*a

[imzzzzz]

Dear Ash,

I have no answers but I just really want to tell you that I feel for you. What you described is heart-breaking, so messed up that you went through that with that guy - that actually was  almost certainly a CRIME you know? It is wrong, what happened to you and it is not your fault. Everything else too on top of that is a lot to deal with, I understand why it can feel like too much. Family relationships are so intense. Most of all I just really want to say: you're young, you are dealing with many difficult things - REAL things, and I really hope that you find some good HELP. Nobody is able to get through these things alone. You might consider talking to a rape or sexual abuse victim's hotline, to make sure that you get the correct information and support to deal with what was done to you. I hope you get this message and hang in there. I am sending you love.

[Sara_MHModerator]

We urge you to speak to your ob/gyn or family doctor immediately about your depression, OCD and anxiety.  If you have suicidal thoughts, please go to the emergency room immediately.  We sent you some links for support and wish you well.

[imzzzzz]

Dear Ash, (sorry for posting twice, i posted in the wrong place at first),

I have no answers but I just really want to tell you that I feel for you. What you described is heart-breaking, so messed up that you went through that with that guy - that actually was  almost certainly a CRIME you know? It is wrong, what happened to you and it is not your fault. Everything else too on top of that is a lot to deal with, I understand why it can feel like too much. Family relationships are so intense. Most of all I just really want to say: you're young, you are dealing with many difficult things - REAL things, and I really hope that you find some good HELP. Nobody is able to get through these things alone. You might consider talking to a rape or sexual abuse victim's hotline, to make sure that you get the correct information and support to deal with what was done to you. I hope you get this message and hang in there. I am sending you love.

[imzzzzz]

by the way, i just looked and the hotline is 247 800.656.HOPE (4673) and an online chat option too - https://hotline.rainn.org/online/ - I've never used it, but i hope that they could help you understand what's going on with you. They are experts, other ppl, esp yr family, may not understand it.

[Ash1818]

Thank you for your help. I really appreciate that all of you are trying to make me feel better.

[Paxiled]

Can you tell us how old you are?  You're right, calling a hotline just gets you past an emergency.  What you need is regular therapy and perhaps medication to treat your depression.  If you're in fact serious about suicide, medication moves up from maybe to definitely.  You might tell us the things that you have gone through so we have an idea just what's up.  But telling a professional is better.  Also note that your post use words like "everyone" and "nobody."  Given how hard it is to get just two people to agree on very much, it's unlikely everyone is tired of you and that nobody thinks anything is wrong with you.  It might be you just haven't talked to the right people yet.  All the best.

[Ash1818]

I am 23. At the beginning of this year my OCD was so intense that I had to go see a crisis counselor. I was having  horrific intrusive thoughts from the time I would wake up until the time I would go to sleep. I thought I was going to lose my grandma back in May. My grandmother was in the hospital for almost a month. Two people that I am extremely close to in my family stopped having anything to do with me. I have those two people back in my life now, but I have never had anything like that happen to me before. My ex got got me pregnant, and then he left me. I met a guy back in May that ended up penetrating me even though I repeatedly told him not to penetrate me when he would ask if he could. Everything would be okay now, if I would not have let him kiss and touch me to begin with. He would have never had a chance to penetrate me, if I would not have let him kiss and touch me.  I have spent four months thinking I have AIDS because that guy that I did not know anally penetrated me. I have been sick for so long, and I do not know what to do. I keep praying to God to make it all better. Life is not getting any better. I feel like I am a terrible person, and I hate myself.

[Ash1818]

I keep forgetting that it is 2019. Everything I just told you happened last year (I am sure you could figure that out).