Why am i so mean to my child?

[alleymom]

I dont know why but i am really mean to my 5 year old. My husband says its cause im pregnant. But i feel like a bad parent cause i cant even talk to her with out yelling at her over something so stupid, i say mean things to her, curse at her, and sometime hit her. She is the sweetest kid ever. Yeah she has some problems with her attuide and lying but she is so sweet and caring and im such a monster. Is it from the pregnancy or do i have a problem and what do i do to stop it?

[michaelgc]

Whether it has something to do with the pregnancy or not, you need to get help with it. This is not my opinion from a moral point of view, this is my statement from legal fact. You are abusing your 5 year old. I have 5 sons, and had to raise them for a period by myself while working full time, I know how it can be (I have never been pregnant though). But I have also been through the gristmill with Social Services, and I am very familiar with what constitutes abuse. Please, get help, and do it immediately.

[DomesticEngineer]

Hi alleymom,

i can understand what you are saying. you do need help. get it quick. she is keeping memory of every 'bad' thing mommy comes up with. You for sure have something internal that your lashing out at. Since she is your first born- oh lordie- let me tell you first borns get the bad end of the deal with moms sometimes. I am more harder on my first than the rest. I see that in other people as well.We expect more I guess. And it may be easier for you to lash out scream and even curse her just because of that reason.

Is she from a previous relationship? I have seen women in the past treat their children from first marriages mean only because it was like looking at their first husband and they couldn't stand it. It is unfortunate for the child.
When I say I can understand. I was involved with the same man for 10 yrs. Hated him- and ended up with a child with him very early in life. When I moved on with my life, she didn't understand. She was just 6. She wanted her dad and I didn't. It made me sick for her to whine to me because of that reason. It is the truth-being honest here. She would cry and the first few days I was like " you'll see your dad on weekends- stop crying for no reason". Terrible to say to a heartbroken baby! But I was so wrapped up in me and not looking beyond myself this is what ended up happening. I soon realized how it was effecting her. So I had to grit my teeth and soothed her through it. I realized once I gave myself fully to her she was more calm and understood and just waited for the next day. She was not so upset that the next day she would not be with her dad. It took 3 weeks and things where much better.

But my first born is now 14. And everyonce in a blue moon I will get so dang upset with her because since she is my firstborn I allow her to get away with a little more- and expect her to more like me- for some reason. It is almost like I put her on my level?... and she pushes the buttons too long. And I break! I have cursed her. And screamed. Wanted to choke her down at times- not seriously, but close enough to think of it! And I later have to go back and say sorry. But I do have depression with anxiety. The anxiety makes me a mad women at times. I just got on lexapro this past month. And it has helped some. It has calmed me alot more than before!!!  

Don't know if this directs you in any way. Not sure why I said all this for everyone to see if they came across you. Not sure if this could help. But support I can help with.
We all learn from one another here and I hope we all can acheive that ..
Hug and kiss her more than you scream and curse or even hit. It doesn't make it right- just lets her know that your heart is hers, even in the bad times. But for sure get some help. Pregnacy- well it could make things tough at times. I have had 5 myself, but it stems from something more.... Best of luck!!! ♥Domestic Engineer♥.....
  

[remar]

well, you have to stop being mean to her. she will carry that with her the rest of her life. have you talked to your dr. about this? were you mean to her before the pregnancy? it sounds like you need counseling to find out why your so angry. Remar