20895360 tn?1584708317

Why am i talking to myself aloud? but compulsively? i seriously cant stop it, help

Hi, sorry this will be long

so i know for a matter of a fact that im not hallucinating when i do this, or maybe i am, not to sure. i am young i guess, im 13 (Australia) and i have a few issues like austism and anxiety (possibly generalized). Ive had my problem from a few years, i think since i got melatonin cause i was a young insomniac (so like 7-9yro) so a while.
Let me actually get into my problem...
So i talk to myself, a lot, and i cant help it, i just cant stop. i have to tell myself to stop talking aloud and to at least whisper because i should be asleep (again, still an insomniac). i can think inside my head instead of talking aloud but it never lasts for long unless im at school, i go straight back to talking. i do it just about 24/7, its not like i dont have anyone to talk to but i just dont really remember a time where i didnt do this. when i talk to my self, i half talk in 3rd person, i look at a wall feature in my room and act theres a camera there or something (usually i think of an item watching me) and i'll just look and talk like im a you tuber (i dont even want to be one), and if i do it for to long sometimes i'll even think/talk about people i hate and imagine a scene where i would be a victim to them and i'd get back at them by yelling and hitting them. now maybe im a loner but i have plenty of friends to talk to but i cant be myself around them so it makes it worse, i get home and just about straight away im like "im gonna watch some anime, i think i'll watch food wars this time... hopefully i didnt miss an episode this time haha.." and then i'll tanget on about something simmilar like "my mum made something like that, didnt taste good- that reminds me of the time i ate gnoki- ewww..." you know? i find it really hard to stop sometimes. i tried telling my dad once (hes a funny guy) and he took it as a joke.
it usually starts as a thought. recently i havent been at school so its been even worse, and when i try to do the depression tests and stuff i get even more distracted and when i get the results i go on even more.
somebody help, this is a cry for help, or it will be in about a year if i survive

im not to sure what i should write about rip.
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Avatar universal
There are different things going on in your post.  One is you've apparently got a mind you have a hard time shutting down -- not only the talking but the insomnia.  Now, as to the insomnia, is it you never sleep, or do you fall asleep after awhile?  There's a thing that I've always had where some people just have a biological clock that doesn't match society's clock.  Once I got to be past being a very young kid I was just never ready to go to sleep when I was put to bed by my folks.  This has lasted my whole life.  It's a thing -- the fact is, people often try to shoehorn themselves into lives that don't suit them because the world around them mostly does things a certain way.  I don't know if this describes you, it's just a suggestion about that which would only apply if you sleep fine but it just takes you awhile to fall asleep.  So-called experts have all kinds of opinions about all kinds of things, and sleep is one of them, but different people are different.  Some need a ton of sleep.  Some need very little.  Some get tired at 9PM and some don't get tired until 2AM.  It is what it is.  I mention it because you mention you're 13, and teenagers start to develop sleep patterns that can differ a lot from other aged folks.  Again, I don't know, it might be you're saying you never sleep well, but this is just a suggestion that you have a time problem, not insomnia.  I really don't know.  As to the talking to yourself, you can look at that in two ways -- it's just something you do and so what?  Or, it's a problem you don't like in which case it's a real problem.  Some of us have very active minds.  Some of us really don't.  Again, people aren't the same.  One thing you might try is sitting down and writing.  You can start with a journal, but maybe you're a budding creative talent.  Who knows?  Now, as to the unhappiness you're feeling, that is a problem.  You aren't happy.  You feel like life isn't working for you.  That's a problem for a therapist when it gets to the point you're as unhappy about life as you're saying you are.  Would your parents be open to this?
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By the way, I'm 67 years old and I've talked to myself either out loud or silently while pacing the floor my whole life.  It's how I think.  Drives others nuts, but it helps me think.  
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