Why do I blame myself?

[Tessa88]

I have no life, my husband is sick of me being so down all the time. I think my son will be better off without me. I'm so depressed I'm making pro's and con's on whether to overdose or not. I'v even thought of what to write in my note. How do I survive?

[bullitt]

hi,i have been where you are and it happens more often than i want to think...i know if i did not have my son i wouldnt be here,,,i was on celexa for years..felt normal again but decreased libido so i went off it (real smart move on my part)...i can relate to the thinking he would be better off without me but as bad as i feel i know thats not true.....i am going to my dr as soon as my (and this is very embarrasing) cuts on my wrists heal,not deep or serious but here i am cutting like a teenager...i know i need to get back on antis ,i know my brain is causing this it is just so hard to admit it...my husband is the type where i should just snap out of it,im sure you know people that arent there dont get it and it *****....i hope you are feeling better cause you know it'll pass but its just horrible....

[zzzmykids]

Tessa,
Your plan is to the scary level, in a few months it will be better, BUT if you are in this edgy area of thinking you need to call 911 or 1800-Suicide!
I have been where you are. I have been in bed for three months. Pdoc has changed meds, they are showing response. Our kids would rather have us in bed, hospital than in the grave.
What comes after you are free from the pain, as a mother would not be worth it if you understood.
First there is finding you and your considerate note. Then there is the funeral, the questions, the kids friends, the people who aren't friends with your kids and they will be merciless to your babies....you won't be there to help.
Then the anger, if they don't get help one may be succeptable to suicide or your husband or a sister or brother, but there is a distinct chain that follows a suicide.
The momentary thought, action and finality can not be undone. The rest of your childrens life will be wondering if they caused it, if they were going to "get" it.
Many become alcoholics and drug addicts.
If you are going to chose to release yourself from the pain know it is never a clean break. I am sorry the pain is so bad you cannot deal with life. Emergency room
or any psych facility, NOW.
I am scared for you. And know IT WILL GET BETTER, only if you stay here with us.
zzzmykids

[nith12]

I sometimes way the pros and cons about life feeling hopeless due to my disability. I have to think about the accomplishments that I have done and what is possible.

[john0908c]

Well.... I can sympathize to some degree. But my conscience is really the only thing stopping me from ending it all. Sorry I couldn't provide a home remedy for your suffering. I'm afraid I'm a fellow victim :(