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Avatar universal

Why do I wake up angry?

This all started when I was married.  I used to wake up in the morning and feel really angry at my wife because
we had a lot of arguments.  I guess somehow I ended up cracking one night after a heated argument and called
her a ***** screaming from my lungs after being married 5 years.   For over a 3 months, I woke up in the morning feeling very angry and thoughts of anger would rush into my mind.  I think the first thoughts were....  that *****!   I need to leave her otherwise I will end up killing her.  This is what happened.  I ended up telling my family about my thoughts and I told them I needed to get a divorce otherwise I might do something stupid someday when we argue.  We divorced.  

Now its been 3 years and a lot of crying.   I don't wake up in the morning thinking about her anymore or calling her
a *****, but now it seems to be my family.  I live with my parents and sister.  I now wake up in the morning angry
at them.  I sleep fine, but the moment I wake up, I think of really angry thoughts.  

Since then I also suffer from severe anxiety tight places like in a car, bus, or airplane.  Before then I didn't have these issues.

What is wrong with me?  I've never been on any drugs.  

I've been to a psychologist, but he wanted to put me on drugs.  I said I want a natural way and not have to rely on drugs.
This is obviously an emotional anger issue, blocked energy, or something, and needs natural treatment or healing.  
20 Responses
1498760 tn?1289074731
I hope you have found some relief from your suffering.  As I read your article 2 years after you have posted it, I feel for you, your ex wife, and your family. Believe it or not, you have made them suffer from your problems even though you might not have been intending to do.  I think you can have relief though you need to get medicated just for a short while to see if maybe that can soothe your symptoms.  I say this cause my ex has these rage anger problems as well and he was also diagnosed with bi polar which you can not treat on your own.  He would snap at nothing a and for no reason.   Just in case you haven't had any further help, I thought I would try and help
Thank you. This certainly helped me because I suffer from waking up angry but only in short conspiratorial bursts. Like, my anger has no real direction. I have been diagnosed bipolar. I only need to accept the diagnosis in order to take my meds and after reading this, I know I can no longer lie to myself. Thank you
Hi MutedTelegon!  love the name.  Welcome to the group.  It sounds like you've really connected to this post.  Anger feels terrible, I think.  I'm glad this helped you with understanding that medicine is beneficial.  We're always here to chat and talk through things.  So, don't be a stranger.
Avatar universal
I as well have this same issue. I wake everyday or anytime I rest with a sense of rage and physical discomfort. I’ve tried staying in bed until it subsides but still find myself looking for reasons to be angry. If my kids are not following routine, the dishes are not cleaned, or even if I find items misplaced. I almost have this hate in me for everyone and everything when I awake. Once I've had my coffee and have refocused myself then I am calm. But for about an hour my hate consumes me. I’m sure there is a medication to remedy this issue but I'm afraid if I seek help I will be forced to multi medicated and I prefer to live a fog free life.
Avatar universal
This has been a problem for me for as long as I can remember. I'm 33 and have been diagnosed as being bipolar. I'm currently seeking a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome, and I mention this because I believe the waking up angry and the Asperger are related. I especially relate to your comment, Mattamecca: anything out of place, anything sensory (smells, sounds, lights, hot/cold, wet, etc) and I either wake up angry or vomiting from anxiety. I've learned angry is an umbrella emotion: we use it to shelter ourselves from tougher feelings we're not ready to face. The things I see or feel can trigger extreme anxiety as I have SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder)... I've come to understand over the years that under the anger is fear. Fear is what I'm using the umbrella for... Once you get to root thoughts and can deal with the feeling under the anger, you can free yourself from it, in general. Until I've had my coffee, I can't process anything, and the fear I'll have a terrible coping day is overwhelming. I hate waking up :(. I need a coffee IV started before I wake up, clearly ;)
Avatar universal
Thank you for this post.  The "umbrella emotion" comment sums up my anger.  And my daughter is SPD, as I learn more about it I think "that's me!".  Especially with sounds and touch, which are ample in my household in the am.  Now I've had my coffee and shared some of your experiences, I am walking away from the pc in a much better mood.  Sending good vibes to all angry wakers out there!  
Avatar universal
At one time in my life I use to wake up angry and I started taking lamictal and it took the feelings away.  I hated to take naps because I felt awful. It could be a chemical imbalance. I was so happy when I took this drug and the side effects were so minimal. Believe it or not I only took it for a month because it caused a rash. I had to stop with no withdrawal. I just saying it helped.
Avatar universal
how about wake up thinking really funny random things. Just random random, funny, pleasant non-sense, ridiculous things. That's what we dream sometimes, and maybe it has something to do with hidden emotions, then cut the association with those angry thoughts and switch to random funny pleasant thoughts. These don't have to make sense, as long as you think they are random and funny. So this way, your old negative thoughts will be deprived of attention, and just like plants if you stop watering them then they will die on their own. I have the same angry state of mind when I wake up. I haven't tried this plan, but I will now and tell you about the results.
Avatar universal
I have the same problem, and have for along time. Since 1999, is the earliest I can remember. I honesty think its deep thoughts of problems you think you cant control. Things that subconsciously bother you, or conscious problems you cant fix or tell people how to fix it without creating more problems. Sometimes its the way things unfold, that can do it. Having any anger just causes more anger or scared people around.  One drop of water can equal a ocean of anger. Its always the loved ones that take it all because we aren't scared to hold back on them.

These are my problems at least,
One way to feel like a *** after being a ***, Smoke medical marijuana, you will be like wtf was i thinking. Thats what happens to me.Try it when you wake up. Doesnt always help, but in some cases it can. But I still struggle a few times a year like today.
I agree after a Doob Things Start To Chill Out Again!
Avatar universal
My problem is that my boyfriend wakes up angry and verbally attacks me until he finally leaves for work.  He will snuggle me all night and then when he wakes up he will wake me up and start saying horrible things to me.  Then usually when he gets to work he will text me to have a good day and that he loves me.  As if nothing ever happened.  One morning during his rage I went and sat in the car and waited for my daughter to get ready so I could drive her to school.  I got in the car early just to avoid him because he brought me to tears so I sat there sobbing.  When I was pulling out of the driveway he came out and waved.  Then he called me and asked why I was crying?  And was acting as if nothing had happened.  And told me I am crazy!  When I try to talk to him about his anger issues he just points his finger at me and says its all my fault.  That I am a crazy *****!  He has smashed a wine glass on my chest,  smashed my phone 4 days after he bought it for me, and using two hands popped me hard in the chest knocking me into the footboard of the bed leaving a huge bruise on my leg from it.  He hasn't punched me yet but I am afraid it is only going to get worse.   I have never been treated like this before and find it hard to believe that its all my fault.  When he is not consumed by anger he is a wonderful man.  I don't know what to do anymore.  He has 2 children and I have 1 child, and we all live together in my house.  

So I was hoping to get some advice from those of you that have those anger issues in the morning.  As a loved one that is being hurt by someone who hasn't accepted he has a problem, what can I do?  And how did you finally discover your anger was a problem?
I am posting this as an update. Thank you all so much for your kind words and support!
It continued to get worse. One morning he knocked me unconscious. He also started to attack the kids. I woke up one morning to him choking his own son. That morning I went to the police and got an order of protection. He is out of my life for good and his kids are with their grandparents. Life is now wonderful!
So for anyone reading this and is going through the same thing, please take my advice as someone with experience... it doesnt get better, it only gets worse. In fact at the end I had been in and out of the hospital with stomach issues and vomiting. Alot of people including a doctor thinks he was possibly poisoning me. But they have to know what poison to look for in order to find it. So I dont have proof. But I have not had anymore stomach issues since he has been gone! Please get out while you can. Nothing is worth the abuse!
Avatar universal
Hi Shawnee
I think the first thing you need to do is get some help for yourself. It is not ok for this person to put his hands on you for any reason. I don't care if its chemical or emotional. Secondly, you have to protect your family. If this person is not acknowledging his behavior, that can be dangerous. You can't force people to see their problems, they have to want to. Do you stand up against him. If he hit me I would not take it. I would call the police. I don't care if he is sick. You can't jeopardize your well being for someone else's. I know you love and care for him, but physical/ verbal abuse is wrong. You can't use illness as an excuse. I hope you get some help before someone really gets hurt. God bless you!
Avatar universal
Wow, I really thought I had wrote this. Your morning scenario is spooky the same as mine. In fact I have been living this way for 25 years. Many people have said in their comments things are better after an hour of wakeup and some coffee. Don't drink coffee but spouse is on ADD meds and until those kick in stay away!
What really bugs me is the whole denial like I'm the crazy one and this is happening in everyone's house. I am wearing down after all these years and we have 2 daughters that are per-teen/ and soon to be. This has defenitly got worse approaching mid age:(..
I was looking for info on mood disorders and came across these post. Comforting to know I suppose it is happening elsewhere,and treatment seems to be available. Are your boyfriends parents alcoholics. Any mental discrepancies? I shrugged off early signs of what was to come. I'm not getting a divorce we will seek treatment cause like you said there is a wonderful, but hurting person inside that could turn it around givin the chance.
Avatar universal
I read your post and was thrown off my chair. This person is abusing you and you have the option of saving yourself. You have children in the house-would you allow someone to treat your child this way? My guess is no, this is not allowable behavior and you need to kick this crackhead out of your house before he puts you in the hosptial or hurts one of the children. Abusive people tend to follow a pattern of abuse and then with extreme love, forcing the abused person to question the validity of the abuse. This is not you acting crazy, this is typical controlling behavior of an abusive partner. Get yourself out of this relationship and your kids out too. Please do not allow this person to treat you this way-you are so much better than this and you don't deserve this abuse. No one has the right to put their hands on you and hurt you. This not only hurts you physically, emotionally and it scars not only you but all the children witnessing this abuse. You can always get a restraining order to protect yourself and your children. Maybe you need to protect HIS children, too. Remember, children don't have a voice so the adults witnessing this behavior HAVE to be their voice for them. Abuse tends to run in the family as a vicious cycle and you need to be the one to change it. Otherwise these kids may end up abusing someone, too.
Avatar universal
Thank you for your brave post.  It is good to know that there are other people out that have experienced what I have with my son's dad.  We are not living together any longer but still see each other often and at times I still see the same behavior, except now I have a safe place to take myself and my son to toget away from it.  You have helped me to know that I'm not the only one and I am NOT the crazy one as he would say the same thing.  This must be some kind of a disorder if it's happening to multiple people, hopefully for my son's sake his Dad will decide to get help one day.  For now though I need to take care of myself and my child and I hope that you can find the strength to do the same.  I know how hard it is when you love someone, but sometimes you have to love yourself more.  Best wishes my heart goes out to you, and again thank you.
I've been dealing with the same issues for 15 yrs. I googled why does he wake up so angry n found this page. He wakes me up yelling. Sometimes jerking me out of bed. The kids go to school upset and I'm left so confused about why... N what happened. Later, he acts like he doesn't remember or its my fault. I go to work with severe anxiety and I'm scared to talk to him all day. He told me this morning that I'm not allowed yo talk to him in the morning. At all. Wth... He's so mad... At 5am. I don't know what to do.
Avatar universal
OMG Shawnee. I have been living this hell for the last three years of my marriage. My husband talks to me so pleasant before going to bed and then around the same time each night, between 2-5AM it is pure hell. He accuses me of cheating, he yells my name starling me out of sleep and argues about the smallest things like raking the leaves. I want a divorce, but we have two small children together and he won't admit that this issue requires medical intervention and medication.
This is all very creepy. I came here because I am having issues with my waking mood. I first realized this when my ex-girlfriend became a stripper. I was perfectly fine all day, except mornings. I couldn't let it go, was blinded with anger, couldn't focus at work, texted angrily, didn't care who I offended, made social media posts on the issue that probably had people scratching their heads, etc.. I even chatted with an executive in the elevator about it. Totally insane. Yet there I was. Now, I argue with my current girlfriend about half the time in the morning. She gets grumpy, too. We are stand-offish and kind of hate each other. Accusations, blame, general carelessness ensues. The intensity is increasing inside me as I get more fed up with the repeating problems. Every time I successfully corner the issue, she changes the subject to talk about how I'm not perfect or some other things I do wrong, so nothing is ever resolved. I am starting to scare myself, as I feel like I did as a child, when I would fight with my older brother - we would hit each other. Kid stuff, sure, but as an adult I shouldn't have that thought coming to mind. Really. So I am considering that I might be on the path to these stories, and facing the possibility that I must be alone for my whole life, to protect others. If I became like the men in these stories, then the person I'm with really should do better and move on. Gotta choose your battles. The best people tend to get stuck in the worst situations, and this is not good. Sometimes you gotta pull the plug on a loved one's control mechanisms so you can do good instead of be held down by the bad. The possibility that I must be alone is not something I would just accept without relentlessly trying to fix myself, but I need to solve it in a way that I can provide to others, a way that universally works, and doesn't cost money. Not a personality-altering chemical that stops working if I misplace my pills. So I like the suggestion to replace nonsensical dreamlike rage with nonsensical nonsense. Turn every danger, every wrong, into a joke. I like distracting myself with many, many projects and goals in life. This keeps me from burying my head in the dirt, cause if one thing is failing, there are dozens more that I can focus on instead. Hope this helps.
Same here. 15 yrs of it. Today he told me I'm not allowed to talk to him in the mornings anymore. Today it was about toilet paper. He is so mad... @ 5 am. The kids go to school upset n I'm left crying and confused. I'm having severe anxiety. Sometimes he doesn't remember everything that happens. And I don't know what to do. Its insane. And really scares me.
Avatar universal
Hi Just Looking. I hope that many years on from your original post that you have found a way to help yourself and you no longer experience anger at the level that you describe. If anyone is a danger to themselves or others than I understand that medication might be sought. However, getting to the bottom of why you feel like this is very important. Working with a reputable therapist is a good start. Often times, pervasive or extreme emotions have a root cause and we may need support to explore this. Mindfulness techniques also help, meditation, simple breathing techniques have helped me greatly with anger, anxiety but mainly to maintain a content, grounded feeling which makes everything seem much nicer.
Avatar universal
Me too I had this problem. Every morning I wake up angry at my everyone near me. I really felt devastated by this. I felt as if I have drifted far from normal social life. But I found ways to counter this....first whenever I wake up in the morning, I punch my pillows so hard till I am exhausted...then I would meditate a while then make myself believe that I am a better person than I was yesterday......i tried this for 2 months and I really could feel my nerves cooling down....now I no longer have this problem...thank God this helped otherwise I would have ended in a mental jail......
Avatar universal
Thank you for this. After reading this comment, I researched SPD more and began to strongly believe I had it. Now I am diagnosed with it. Knowing why I react to things with such anger has helped me tremendously improve my quality of life. Again, thank you for mentioning this here!
What does SPD
16426782 tn?1447843358
Might be due to lack of sleep or tiredness,stress you need to take proper sleep at night. Also hunger feelings can make your angry, take a small walk outside and drink some fresh fruit juice.
I suggest meditation, its a nice way to relive stress and feel happy.
Meditation and breathing exercises have helped me more than any treatment to date. ;) Great suggestion!  
Avatar universal
  I'm currently 44 and have had different degrees of this condition as my P.T.S.D. went untreated. I remember when I was a child I would wake up swinging no matter who woke me  including my Mom.
   As I matured I started recognizing the cause of this condition through years of reflection and recalling. I was beaten by my stepfather since I was around 4-5 years old then had an 85+ MPH motorcycle wreck at age 17, followed by a spinal injury in the U.S. Army, then 2 years later I was hit by a car on a bicycle on my way to work, saw 3 people get blown into literal pieces...by the time I was married I had P.T.S.D. so bad I could hardly function.
    These days I'm not without incident but through treatment and observation I am improving. If you suffer from vivid nightmares and dreams that leave you upset it's a good indicator you suffer from P.T.S.D.. They call the dreams night terrors. Good luck with your anger monsters people. You are all actually truly loving and caring people who suffer but often end up feeling at fault. Peace and Love to you all.
Avatar universal
Hi, I also think you need to leave that environment. You are being abused, and your child is going to witness this.  Your boyfriend definitely sounds bipolar or has a mood disorder, please check in again and good luck!!
Avatar universal
Speaking of Anger.

It is not as simple as one cause. If there was a starting point to this behavior, then there was a reason. Reason was a trigger. Trigger of multiple causes, if that makes sense. One
trigger / not one cause...

1) Example. Person had accumulated whole bunch of fears. Fear of losing a job, high mortgage, children's health, wife's infidelity, insurance costs, health issues, etc. And then there was a trigger - death in the family, or one of the fears got confirmed (lost a job/got demoted), or toxins in the environment triggered a chain reaction in the body - threw thyroid/adrenal glands/some hormones out of wack.
"Straw that broke the camels back" scenario!

Stress + stress + stress = dam overload
need to open the flood gates
trigger came = that's it! open the flood gates = emergency
Person starts to act out!

2) Now, on the other hand if there was no starting point, then this behavior was there already. It might've had a starting point a while ago, or maybe it was like that right from person's birth.

For example - hormone imbalance. Could be recent, could  be hereditary.
PTSD - could be due to recent events, could be from long time ago (childhood abuse/lack of love).
Undiagnosed medical problem -  recent/old. And so on...

In summary: 1) Accumulated weight on the shoulders 2) Initial weight on the shoulders
Reasons can be: Stress, hormones, trauma, malfunction in the body and more...

1) Whatever it takes = but "patient" needs to recognize there is a problem. Needs to be shown there is a problem. They legitimately need to believe that they have a problem. They need to be comforted that "it is OK", that they have a problem. (Cars break down, houses develop problems, machines malfunction and need maintenance, even Hawaii experiences a storm :) (speaking of Hawaii - go there! Cures everything!) ... Absolutely nothing wrong with that. 100%!

2) Once they recognize there is a problem. The key is to find a true cause. Approach from multiple angles. Must use both Psychiatry / and Doctor.

Cars example:
Doctor will check "under the hood"(labs, hormones, organs...)
Psychiatry will check "electronics"(Head wiring, PTSD, emotional state).
You cannot skip on checking just under the hood, or just electronics. Cannot do just Doctor, or just Psychiatrist.

3)Now. Crucial moments.
-It is imperative to find "good mechanics". Good doctor/good psychiatrist. Way to many quacks out there (healthcare is experiencing issues of its own...).
-Stay organized. Make a list of things your are checking. Keep track of ongoing progress. Have a game-plan! Know what to check next. Research labs ahead of time. Come to the appointment ready to demand certain labs! Don't take "no" for an answer! Find another doctor who will do what you want! It is your health, your struggle, your right!
-Don't give up
-Patient needs to remind themselves, that they are too precious to become this monster. Change is possible! You owe it to yourself not to get used to this "new worse you"! Why? You are better then that!

Few more random points:
-Create an action plan for the next time a person will get angry!
Partner needs to be able to help the patient buy saying "a keyword" to tell "hey I am noticing you are getting hot, lets take 30min break" without getting attacked by the patient !!! And patient needs to know that they are not being judged, it is just a helpful observation from a 3rd perspective. Think of it this way. If you are drunk, who has easier time telling that you are drunk. Another person, or the drunkee? Its ok to be drunk, its ok to need help. :)
"Keyword" needs to be NOT provocative in any way .

-Patient needs a time out. Actually  do the time out. Not talk for 30 min. Go exercise!  
-Patient needs to be able to trust themselves and others! (I'll leave it at that)
-It is NOT ok to get physical!  Anger leads to Hate. Remember what Yoda said! :) Its true! Want to beat something up. Go exercise! Period!  
-Exercise or a run are a great way to relieve stress fast.
-Later, get Lorazepam from psychiatrist, or something, to chill out fast.  
-Sweets are a great way to raise endorphins, just don't get fat :) Otherwise you'll get depressed and angry, back to square one :0
-Lavender grass aroma - natural way to chill out.  It works!
-Valerian Root - natural way to help you fall asleep.
Wow, thanks for all of that information!!!  I especially love the time out thoughts!  Indeed that can make a lot of things better.  I was reading about a diagnosis that can be given called intermittent explosive disorder. Have you ever heard of that?
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