Will I ever get through this?

[Elmo869]

I was diagnosed with depression with post traumatic syndrome. I have been battling with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was 14. In 2001, my father died of cancer, I was prepared for it because I helped taking care of him until the day he died. Recently, my mom ended up in the hospital with pancreaitis and she died of it. I was there when she passed away. It was a complete shock because she was doing better. My depression took a turn for the worse. I am taking Celexa 20mg but is not working. I sleep all day and I am always tired. I have two boys that dependent on me but I am emotionally withdrawn. I am desperate and scared because I don't want to ruin my boys' lives. Can any one help me please.

[lonewolf07]

Hi Elmo

It sounds like you have a number of good reasons for being depressed.  Grief is so painful and everyone grieves in a different way - no right or wrong ways, just different.  Sleeping all the time is a logical and reasonable way for your mind and body to deal with your depression/grief but considering you have two young children who need you, sleeping all the time might not be good for you and/or them.  Some folks (not on this forum, just overall) might tell you that you HAVE to force yourself to get up and look after them; it's your duty, responsibility, etc.  However, you have to heal too before you can return to being a good father.  Have you seen those in-flight airline commercials about what to do if the air pressure lessens and the oxygen masks drop down?  Notice how they tell the adult to put on their mask first and their childrens.  It might seem like
a really stupid comparison but the adult has to be able to breathe in order to deal with their children.  That is what popped into my head when I read your post.

Do you have family, friends or a support system?  If not, do you have any social service agencies in your area who might be able to assist you?  I am in Toronto, Canada where we have agencies who provide help without charging huge amounts of money.  It isn't ideal for your boys but at least you are trying to heal and they will know that if you keep telling them.  They are hurting too and sometimes just hugging them gives a really good feeling - but I'm only referring to my own experiences.

The fact that you know you have PTSD also helps.  Personally, I sense a lot of grief which is to be expected.

Hang in and contact me if you want.

lonewolf

[fuzzy882]

I am so sorry, your going through so much. So, you have earned the right to feel sad and depressed. I would only hope that you have family and friends around you that can help also.  Of course you are missing your mom, and you probably will till the day you die. Very normal, but, if the depression is getting in the way of everyday life, the maybe it's time  to seek some counceling, someone on the outside that can help you sort some thing's out.

Hang in there, and stay in touch

[CGR76]

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