am i crazy?

[u0567059]

I’m 19 years old and a collegiate soccer player at a D1 school in the west. As an athlete I have a lot of pressure and responsibility on me to perform well both on the field and in school. When I came in freshman year it was 24/7 all soccer I didn’t talk to anybody besides the other girls on my team or other athletes.  Because we didn’t have time to socialize between our practicing, weight lifting, school and our travel schedule, and my lack of performing well on the field I started to break down. So my coach sent me to see a sports therapist. I told the therapist everything that was bothering me and he tried to prescribe me some anti depressants but I refused to take anything. Now I don’t feel like myself, I have severe mood swings. One minute I will be perfectly happy, and the next minute I will be completely pissed off, to the point where i just want to go to my room crawl up in a corner and just cry and not talk to anybody for days then I will be fine and repeat the cycle. On top of all of that I have an eating disorder. I’m anorexic, and I have thoughts about killing myself all the time. I sometimes even dream it. I don’t know what is going on with me. Am I depressed? Or are these typical lady feelings? All I know is that I need help ASAP!!! If any of you guys have advice please tell me!

[azalea82]

These are most definitely NOT typical lady feelings.  From your description of your mood swings and your age, it sounds like you might have a form of bipolar disorder.  Mood stabilizers (rather than antidepressants) are the recommended treatment.  Please make an appointment with your doctor ASAP.  

[misslilly03]

Hey girl.  I know what its like.  I played d3 basketball in the east, but the pressure was just the same.  determination to be the best.  have the best grades.  being socially isolated your first year.  you eat, sleep, and breathe sports, working out, and your team.  always in the gym or on the court/field.  and anorexia ya i suffered from that, but after I left the team.  I came from a school where I was the absolute best. and then had players that didnt work well together and grades were tough. flirting with boys. worried about weight. missing friends, family, and home.  BUT WHAT YOURE SUFFERING from is not normal.  I have attempted suicide and a family member actually committed it. both a dif. points in my life. your mood swings are normal, youre under an ENORMOUS amount of pressure... but what you need most is a support system.  YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP.  maybe you need to seek other school counseling not the team therapist.  you need a close friend or family member also.  YOU SHOULD NOT GO THROUGH THIS ALONE and EVERYONE SUFFERS so Im sure someone you love who loves you dearly will understand and want to help.  THEY WILL NOT JUDGE YOU or add pressure.  & YOU SHOULD NOT WORRY ABOUT THE STIGMA AROUND DEPRESSION AND EATING DISORDERS- because if that is what keeps your from getting help, it would also be the stupidest reason not to because it could be what kills you.  IF YOU'VE THOUGHT ABOUT SUICIDE EVEN DREAMT IT, THIS IS SERIOUS.  Find your support system.  Find help.  find ways to alleviate the pressure. and talk about everything thats bothering you.  I HOPE THIS HELPS>>> Even if it's just a little.  I've been there kid. and not too long ago.  You'll get through it!  JUST REACH OUT.