"bad scenario" thoughts and repetitive thinking

[turtlemama]

I also have another question about some weird things I have been thinking. For the past couple of months I have been having what I call repetitive thinking. For example I will think something like " I want to watch tv, watch tv ,watch tv ,tv ,tv tv, wanna watch tv."  It will just repeat like that in my head until I force myself to think of something else, I usually have to think OK, like loud in my head to make it stop, but then it just moves on with the next thought and does it all over again. This is extremely frustrating and I want it to stop, but have no idea how to stop it. My therapist suggested trying to think of something else to disrupt it, but then I would just repeat the "something else."  Has anyone had this? I feel like Im going crazy, I've never thought this way before.

Another thing I have with weird thinking has been going on for a couple of years. I play out these bad scenarios in my head. The most prominent one is where I am driving with my kids (4 kids all in car seats, all age 5 and under) over a bridge and for some reason my car either gets hit or just goes over the bridge and we are in the water below. Then I have to figure out how to get all 4 of them out of the car and somehow get them to swim without them knowing how and without life vests and try to get all of them to land before they or myself drown. I have went over several versions of this scene and I can never come up with a good solution and I never know why this particular thing just scares me to death. It's like a nightmare without being asleep.
Other scenes would be just as bad or worse, my kids getting ran over by cars, my husband being mugged or killed on his way to or from work, getting into a car wreck and seeing my children disfigured or dead. While Im cooking I will imagine burning myself by accident and what I would do if it was really bad. That has actually happened to me once, I dropped a pan of chicken with boiling water and grease on my leg when trying to get it out of the oven and burned myself. I will worry that my baby is gonna suffocate himself in his crib, and i have to listen for him constantly and check on him a lot to make sure that doesnt happen.  Im also very afraid to let my kids go anywhere without me or my husband. Im afraid they will be kidnapped or a ********* might catch them. My oldest is 5, but even if she were older I don't think I could let her go to a friends house without worrying about that. I will never put them in daycare. It's actually a little hard to let my daughter go to school, but I've learned to get over that. My husband is in the Navy and another really scary scene is getting the knock on the door or phone call saying hes dead. I have imagined what that would be like several times, even to the point of wondering how the funeral would go, what I would tell the kids, how we would deal with the pain, everything. I've seen him in a coffin in my head so many times because of this fear, that I think if it actually did happen, I would be numb to it.

I really hate thinking this way. My therapist isnt much help on the situation and mainly is concerned about me hearing voices or wanting to commit suicide, which I dont and I dont want to.

Is there anything I can do, or any medication I can take to make this go away? What is it and why do I think like this? Mental illness runs in my family and I am really scared that it might be getting to me already.

[mammo]

Getting back on medication will help you a lot!  Being without and having to deal with that worthless doctor is enough to set anyone off! That's very negligent of your doctor.
Try to stay positive, and write anytime, even if just to vent.  Take care.

[turtlemama]

I went off Lexapro because I ran out and couldnt get the doctor to respond to my request for more. They kept telling me to call back next week, then next week again and so on, so now I am in the process of switching doctors. My insurance also told me to switch meds since Lexapro costs so much. It's been over a month since I stopped taking it, but I was only able to take it for a month to begin with.  Thanks for answering! I now know what all the moodiness and crying and stuff was from after I got off the meds, withdrawal. I actually exploded at my husband and tried to smash the computer, and ripped all his posters off the wall. That never happened before. Well anyway I will start looking for a psychiatrist. Thanks again!

[turtlemama]

Thank you!

I thought it sounded like OCD, but I just started experiencing the repetitiveness so I thought it wasnt that. Can OCD develop suddenly? I was taking Lexapro for depression, but ran out. I dont know if that would help with the thinking and such though. Is a therapist different from a psychiatrist? I'm so new to all of this, I really have no idea. Thanks again for answering!

[mammo]

Hi.  It sounds like you have OCD with the repeating of words in your mind.  You also appear to be a chronic worrier, which I was at one time.  If there is nothing to worry about, we'll find something!  That is also part of OCD.  Some people with OCD have rituals like chronic washing of their hands, people like us obcess with worry and worst case scenarios, always fearing and imagining the worst.  It's a terrible way to live, but there is help.  Have you seen a psychiatrist for this?  There are medications, and I think you need to see a different therapist.  Between the two, you can get your life back and truly enjoy your babies and life.  Write me anytime, and know you're not alone with this we do understand and care.  I know you wouldn't do anything to take your babies mommy away, see a different therapist.  Often therapy alone is not enough, and medication is needed.  I hope this helps, I truly understand this kind of worry! I wish you all the best, and do take care.

[turtlemama]

Ah, no one knows? Anyone?