depression mixed with possible sucide...

[myersnpooh]

I take pill after pill and it seems for years they have not helped. One minute things are going good and next the bottom has dropped out again. I don't know if I'm in the right forum, but I didn't see one on sucide...
Things go good for awhile with my b/f (fiance depending on what day it is he calls me) and then out of no where he'll start arguing and cussing me out. I'm so depressed anymore I want to take my own life (and almost did last nite, but promised a friend I would hold out a little longer, but I wasn't for sure).
He causes so much pain and he used to be so sweet, but anymore I feel like he's just trying to push me away. If so why don't he just say so?? I spent every dime I had proving I wanted him, completed my divorce, changed EVERYTHING back to my maiden name. I cook, clean, do his laundry, iron for him and try showing him how much I care and love him. I tell him that he's my first true love (even when I was married I didn't feel like this), but he makes his 'little jokes' and won't reply back anything serious. When he does this I just feel rejection...I know I can't force feelings from him, but what do I do when I feel this low?? So low that I just want to take my pills and slip into the darknes...

[myersnpooh]

thxs, but here it is Wed and Im back in the 2nd bedroom and after what he said today I am done! I just gotta find a place to live.
It hurt so bad that I almost aye a whole bottle of paxil just so I can go to sleep and be done with this crap.
I borrowed $30 to buy my girl a dress for her dance on Friday, but by lunch I repaid him. But his 'little joke' was so hurtful...he said well u keep the money and I;ll just screw your brains out (since I cut him off over a week ago when I found 'discreet sex dates' on his computer history) so I just went to my room and cried. I felt like a 2 bit *****.
OMG I gave my all, show him love and thats all I wanted in return. I guess I expected too much, but all I ask for is 1 thing...
Now I just want the pain to stop!!!

[29sillygirl]

You reach out..  With friend.  To us @ MedHelp.  You have a phone...a computer.  Stay as calm as you can...and avoid arguments/talking w/ bf if at all possible.

Last night was what it was.   Believe he will settle down today or tomorrow no matter what you do.  This isn't new behavior.  

Can you sign into a psch ward?  Do you need a doctor to help if you think you need a break?

Take your usual regime of pills...no more no less.

Plan to call your doctor Monday.  

I believe this will blow over.  Still, you have been thru' enough to start thinking about different living arrangements.  

Keep reaching out...weekends are difficult when crises occur...

It isn't about the pills....it is about your disappointment and fear of bf.
  

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