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feeling like I'm having a break down

I was diagnosed as clinically depressed many years ago.  I used to take medications, but my "boyfriend" doesn't believe in them so made me stop.  I also used to smoke and drink mountain dew.  He doesn't like smoking so forced me to stop and bullied me into not drinking mountain dew.  I feel like I'm losing it.  One minute I'm perfectly fine, then the next minute I can't stop crying and can't go out in public because when I cry my whole face swells up, like I'm allergic to my own tears or something.  My "boyfriend" is a jerk and at this moment in time I hate him.  He bullies me all the time.  I'm a graduate student and I work full time, and I have two daughters, one 9 and the other 10.  If my choices are school work or house work, I pick the school work.  And then he starts harassing me and making me feel guilty because the house is a mess.  If I pick the house work, I get stressed out because grad school is very intense and a lot of work is due - none of which I have gotten to!  It doesn't matter what I do, it's never good enough for him.  I'm never good enough for him.  I am so depressed all the time, I can't remember when I felt good about my life.  I wish I never met him.  I bought a house (it's all mine, but keep listening): it's a dump and needs a ton of work.  Work that I can't do, so have no choice but to stay in this relationship that I feel is killing me.  Maybe not directly, but this relationship makes me feel so bad inside that I don't want to wake up every day.  How much of it is the fact that I am no longer properly medicated - and really, truly, need to be; I know I need to be - and how much is me just over reacting?  Because everyone else who meets my boyfriend just loves him (except my boss and my one and only friend, but that's because he's gotten in their faces and tried to intimidate them, which made them hate him).  My whole family thinks he's just the best thing in the world - they call him and not me!  They talk to him and not to me!  So am I just crazy, or depressed, or what?  I can't stand it any more.  Today alone I've been crying my eyes out for the last 3 hours non stop.  
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Avatar universal
i know i was in a similar relationship for about a year, you have to decide yourself if you want to live like that.The things like keeping you from medication an isolating you from freinds an family can certainly make you feel like your having a nervous bbreakdown,  only you can make the decision for you,  just remember you have to take care of yourself first
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Avatar universal
Okay, go see your doctor and discuss getting back on your meds.  

Secondly, it sounds like you are in a unhealthy realationship from what you are saying....

Why do you feel you need him, I have down tons of stuff with my home as I am about to sell and my husband was always working on someone elses home and never had the time or will to do alot of it by the time he got home.  I have shingled my roof, replaced ceiling tiles, plastered, painted you name it.  And by doing the work myself I saved tons of money you wont believe how affordable the raw supplies are.

It cost me about $40-60 dollars to do the ceiling tiles in one room as I shopped around... my roof over the addition cost around $100 (I would have to find my receipts but yes it was that cheap I bought the cheap roll on shingles and some nails).  Fixing all my leaky faucets was less then $10.  If I can do all that being a tiny 5 foot 5 105 pound woman with no real knowledge going into it of tools etc.... lots of women can do it.

  There is so many things that I can do all by myself that I would have never dreamed i could do.

Today I actually removed the u-shaped pipe thingy under my sink as it was clogged and put it back together.  You wont believe how easy alot of this stuff is.  

You need to do whats best for you without worrying about your house.  

So go see your doctor and he will be able to tell you if you should be on meds or not... dont ever let someone else stop you from getting the help you need.

***Please keep in mind I am only going by what you have said I dont know you or him first hand****  


Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
your 100% right about getting back with the doc, oh i think the u-shaped pipe thingy is called a pee-trap could be wrong though .I thinks its great you taking a hands on approach an i'm not being sarcasstic
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
You need to get out of this relationship ASAP! This man is an abuser. It doesn't matter if he's not physically abusing you, controlling your life, medications, etc is abuse. Do you want this relationship to be the example for your children? Who is he, Tom cruise telling you to get off your meds? don't worry about the house. It will get done eventually. You have a roof over your head and a place to sleep at night. All houses need work but that is no reason to stay in an unhealthy relationship. You don't need to explain to your family why you're dumping him. you are an adult, act like it.
Now of all times, while you are in grad school and breaking off a relationship, is the best time to have a doctor's care. Maybe once you are on the proper meds, you will be able to handle things more effectively.
God bless and good luck!
Helpful - 0
663901 tn?1232649671
i completely agree with Libby... this is truly a very UNHEALTHY relationship and is definitely the source for a lot of your anxiety and depression.  I was in an abusive relationship for about 2 years, and I got to the point where I was going to get out of it dead or alive.  I chose alive, and walked away from that pain and never looked back.  You should never, ever feel like you cannot live your life with your partner as an equal.... please, please seriously consider getting rid of him, and you may find that a lot of your anxiety and depression is eased.... please keep us updated....
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