happiness?

[t016]

i dont know what to do. im afraid of myself and i hate myself at the same time. i cant take it anymore. i do stupid things to myself.
i cant remember the last time i was happy or even just normal. i dont think i have any emotions in me, its like im not myself, im a nothing. and i dont know how to get rid of this feeling!

im 20 years old, and i havent cut myself or even thought of suicide for over two years, but now, i dont even know why, its all coming back and im going back to who i used to be when i was 15. maybe i shouldnt fight it. this is who im meant to be. i think ill never be able to go back to the time before i first became depressed. ive gained 17 kilos and it just keeps going up, i get crappy sleep. i have no one in the whole world to talk to.
thats just who i am i guess.

[Fuzzz]

Sleep, getting outside and getting exercise are very important for mental health.  I think you need to see a doctor to start a medication for depression that will also help you sleep.  Be sure to ask whether you need to take the medication in the morning or at night.  Try to find a friend who wants to get outside 3-4 times a week and go walking in a park or someplace with pleasant views.  

It is hard to have faith that each of us is here for a reason and nobody else can fill our place, but what if it's true?  Nobody else is you, and you have something unique to offer if you can just get better and find out what interests you.  

I hope you are feeling better soon.  

[hell1971]

Hi

Sounds like you need to go and get some help, dont accept a life like that everyone deserves better than that. If you didnt get the help when you were fifteen thats probably why its come back. Go and see a doctor and get some help.

my thoughts are with you, sorry I dont have any other advise