help needed

[mckitty]

Hi-
I am new to your forum. So I guess I should introduce myself...
I have been dealing with depression since I was a child (and am now in my thirties), I've been on and off depression meds for most of my life- but they never seem to help. I've been the victim of every type of abuse a woman can suffer- and this has definitely made it very hard to trust people or keep healthy relationships. I do think about suicide all the time, but don't actually have the guts to go through with it.
I've never been to a psychatrist, because- to be honest- they kind of scare me and I would have no idea where to start. I am also uninsured. I am sick of feeling this way and over that last year, my situation has been further complicated by hair loss. Now my anxiety is compounded by the fact that I dread just taking a simple shower- let alone going out into the world looking like this.
I guess I need some advice on how to go about finding a doctor I can afford (I live in the Philly, PA area)- and what to expect w/ the therapy process.  Can anyone help?

[luna_adam_88]

i am glad if my comments can help.guud luck girl,..

[mckitty]

thank you for commenting-
you've given me lots to consider.

Life planning may be a good distraction- or maybe looking for jobs in a different city would help me to break away from toxic people. It would be a nice break to be able to perceive life differently than I do now.

Oh, I am not dating- I decided, about a year ago, that I simply cannot trust myself to have good judgement about other people until I am feeling better about myself

thanks again.

[mckitty]

thanks for the comment... I do also think it's time to talk to someone, but it's the getting started (and the expense part) that seems to be so hard.

I'll start researching if there are any places to go that maybe have sliding scale fees.

thanks again and I'm glad that you are finding ways to feel better :)

[LeftCoastChick]

I think it would be prudent to see a psychiatrist, with all that you've been through, especially when you pointed out that none of the meds really worked. You're diagnosis may be incorrect, and getting in to see a shrink will get you a correct diagnosis and possibly different meds. Regular doctors are just not equipped to handle such a complicated situation.  I was terrified at first to go to one, but I'm so glad I did. I'm on better meds and fairly stable, I still have to battle anxiety, but it's no where near as bad as it was. Take the step, once you've done it, it will get easier.