i feel like a loser at school

[john_salchichon]

when i was younger i had "cool" friends. i never really appreciated what i had, everyone saw me as part of the 'group', i go to a very small private school in chicago and we are only about 27 per class. so the people who are seen as losers are extremely segregated from the rest, no option to make new friends as i have been with the same class since i was 4. i am 16 years old now and all of my friends are gone, all to different schools.
i remember back when i was in 7th-8th grade how i never worried about not belonging and never gave a thought to those few guys and girls in my class who never got invited to anything.
now i am part of that group. my friends all left and i started befriending this people who werent exactly popular, now everyone sees me differently. i am not included anymore in parties or invited to anything anymore...
this kills me as i was so used to being treated the same as others. even worse now that nearly every friday i hear about reunions all around and all i do is stay at home all weekend.
they see me differently now..
i dont know what to do at all, i get along easy enough with most, i guess because of years of spending time together, but when it comes to reunions outside school i am nor even considered.
help me what can i do. it may not seem much but i am sinking into depression and everyday seems like a load to me. i want to be happy again.

[Maya7]

Hi John,

I just wanted to drop a note of encouragement.  You know, if they aren't hanging out with you because you were hanging out with others that they thought uncool, then they weren't worth it to begin with.  I know exactly what you are going through.  I'm much older than you but when i was 13 to 17 I felt so left out with certain peers that I wanted to hang out with.  It was the most horrible feeling.  I even went into a depression and started taking medicine for it and still take medicine for depression because it is genetic.  But I also realized that I needed to meet new people and I did in college.  I forgot about those who used to hang out with me and no longer wanted to hang out with me and I focused on finding new people that would want to hang out with me.  I met my best friends in college and they have still been my friends for 10 years now.  It is a very painful feeling to feel left out and I want you to know that you aren't alone.  Many people have gone through that experience.  The good news is that you can meet new people and will find that those you will meet will even be better and true friends you can truly rely on ; not superficial like the  people you mention.  They aren't worth your time.  Start getting yourself busy.  Force yourself to get some hobbies like hiking groups, or some type of hobby where people who have the same interests go , such as biking, soccer, playing cards, etc.  The worst thing you can do is dwell on them not including you.  That will make you feel worse.  So what? they don't want to include you, It's their loss!  not yours!  Go find new people to hang out with and keep hanging out with the people who they thought weren't popular.  That's what I did.  I hung out with other people that weren't thought of as popular and they were true friends.  Keep tough and be strong.  Hope this helps some.  I know it's hard but keep yourself busy, especially on the weekends.  Don't let it get to you.  Find other fun things to do.  Find new people to hang out with.  Best of luck and let us know how you are doing.  

[me236]

*when I said my friend's mother "wasn't thrilled"..it wasn't about how her son felt, but it was about HER own feelings about him transferring from a private school (that he had been in since 5 yrs old) into a public school. In the long run, he was happier at the public school, which made her a happier mom

[me236]

John, I know this sounds like a "canned response" but if you feel you can't talk to your parents or an aunt or uncle, is there a counselor in your school you can talk to?? Or, better yet, your primary Dr? If you are depressed, an adult and/or your Dr should know what you're feeling. As a mother of a young college student, I know where you're coming from. These days, it seems important to 'fit in'.  The good news is, when you get out in the 'real world' and college and the workplace, that fitting in pressure goes away! It's like magic! Are there any clubs you can join? If not, what about in your community? What about joining the YMCA to exercise? My son used to exercise at the YMCA  and also volunteered at the library and the Salvation Army (against his will, lol) but met many people through those avenues, and in the long run, made him a better person. Please KNOW that you are SPECIAL and an individual and can go on to do GREAT THINGS in life! (who knows, you may be the one who discovers a cure for a disease? So, hang in there...) One last question, my friend's son experienced a lot of your same feelings and she wasn't thrilled, BUT her son moved from a private school into a public high school and he just thrived! Would you want to look at that possibility? Are you comfortable calling any of your 'old friends' to see them, even on a one-to-one basis to 'reestablish' a relationship. It may be hard to understand at 17, but one or two good friends is better than a whole group of people who aren't true friends. Whatever you do, don't do things to 'fit in' (ie, drugs, alcohol) because that only ruins your life for years and years! Keep being YOURSELF; you sound like an amazing young man. Please talk with someone about your feelings today, John