my 12 yr old daughter wants to die

[wallace31]

Should i see a doctor about my 12yr old daughter ? I think she may be dyspraxic as she falls over a lot, spills and drops things, She also has very poor co-ordination.  She is in yr 2 at high school and her work is fine but she is far from it.  I have tried my best to help her for 2yrs now but she is getting worse.  She has no confidence or self esteem and finds it very hard to make friends, She looks the part but she just doesnt no how to fit in, She walks round and round the school on her own every break and lunch time. She has mood swings and now says she doesnt get what life is all about and wants to die. Im just stuck on what to do now ?

[vbc2000]

Hi there,
I have a little perspective to add.  When I was around 8 I remember wanting to kill myself but I had no idea why.  Needless to say I have definite brain-chemical imbalance mental health issues.  I didn't get help till I went to seek it on my own at 19 and I can't even imagine how much better things might have been if I got help when I first started exhibiting symptoms.  Please definitely get your daughter an evaluation and some help.  She probably has no idea how to ask for help but it appears she really needs it like I did.  Good luck :)

[nursegirl6572]

Hello and welcome!  I'm sorry your daughter is struggling so much!  That is a difficult age for kids, they are in the middle of puberty, experiencing a lot of hormonal changes, they deal with peer pressure to fit in, they are trying to figure out which group of kids they "fit in" with, the list is long.

I was also taken aback when you said she is a sophomore in HS.  Where do you live?  In the US, she would be in 6th or 7th grade.  If she is truly in HS, it may just be too much for her.  How are her grades?  Does she stuggle academically?

I think getting her evaluated is necessary.  Start with her pediatrician or GP, for the physical things you're noticing.  She may need to see a Neurologist.  

Also, she definitely needs to be seen by a CHILD/ADOLESCENT psychiatrist, urgently.  If you feel she is suicidal, that is a crisis and should involve IMMEDIATE action.  You can never be too cautious when it comes to things like that.  Just be sure the psych who is evaluating her is a specialist for her age group, adult psychiatrists are not appropriate to be treating children and teens.  There are a LOT of special considerations that must be kept in mind when managing the mental health of a young person.

Please don't put this off.  Start making calls right away to get her an appt., and explain the urgency of the situation.  Please update us when you can.

I wish you and your daughter the best.

[thatquietgirl]

Go take her to her general practitioner to be seen about the possible dyspraxia.  Is she still growing?  Sometimes that will cause a few years of klutzy behavior.  Make sure to tell the doctor when it started because that will make a difference in the diagnosis and treatment.  But wow!  12 years and a sophomore in high school?  That alone is a lot of pressure on the girl since most everyone in her year is 15 (assuming this is an American education system, that is).

Anyway, once you see her doctor about that, ask for a referral to a psychiatrist (or take her to one, depending how your insurance works), so she can be seen to work on self esteem issues, mood issues, and the suicidal thoughts.  She's likely depressed.  It is most likely due to the self esteem issues that have arisen from her problems, but a psychiatrist and therapist can work together to help her overcome some of these issues so she can be happier overall.  It won't be immediate, but at least it's a step in the right direction.  If you don't want her on meds, you can say so and insist on trying solely therapy first if you want.