Aa
Aa
A
A
A
Close
1540869 tn?1351214013

please help . please

I swear whenever I start to think back " which is very often" of things that have happened to me . I can feel it all over again , the pain the helplessness , I can just pretty much feel everything that happened, I don't always feel it all the way But when I'm not feeling the pain of it, I THINK of it all the time. Sometimes I just feel like I'm trapped in it, like I relive everything that happened everyday and i try to function on a way that I can live around it. Even trying to live around it, it's always still in the back of my mind. I relate everything I do to my past. EVERYTHING. I don't know why I just noticed this. I know I've been doing it for a long time, but i thought it was just normal, to live and to feel that way. But after talking to some of my family the other night ... I realized this is ALL I do. And i can't help it let a lone rarely notice it. School used to make me sick to my stomach and I still can not figure out why, I went to extreme lengths not to go to school I mean EXTREME, hurting myself extreme. I would get so sick when i went to school , upset stomach, just dizzy and out of it the entire time didn't help that girls were mean to me and I was jumped by about 10 girls for no reason, I could never really pay attention.Instead of my parents doing the right thing and taking me out They pushed and they pushed which made me even more scared, I dropped out of school in 8th grade. There was  A lot going on at home. I felt I had to take care of my mom my sisters. Even now whenever I'm even around a school I get nervous. Anyone who has ever hit me, or tried to kill me I just don't know how to get my head around it. Everyone expects me to let it go, act normal. It's just not me I can't do it. It's not NORMAL for my moms husband "to try to kill me"  my mom says he was just on meth that night? Oh that's an excuse? Not only that, after that happened my mom stayed with him. How does this make me feel, how is it supposed to make me feel. Ever since i was 3 I had gotten abused by every man that came into my moms life. I feel like everyone just hates me I must be ugly , or stupid , or annoying for people to just want to hurt me. What is wrong with me? Why did they all want to hit me? And if my mom loves me why does she stay with this man that tried to kill me and why did she let these people hurt me , why did all this have to happen? I'm her daughter. He wanted to take my life . What can traumatize a person more. My grandma said "OH IT COULD BE WORSE" REALLY? how could it be worse. . . I mean I know it could be worse but this pains me everyday.  My mom wants me and her husband to be close " just forgive him" is this possible?

I don't know what to do anymore _ i know i need therapy I'm going soon. I have gone before. But haven't found anyone that has really helped.
please help.
4 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
Avatar universal
Also your mother and the creep may never"get it". But you can --- right now.  Free yourself.  Peace &love
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I'd suggest therapy as well.  The past can b very haunting.  And until you feel your mother and that creep really get the psychological damage they have caused it is going to b hard.  Get into therapy to vent your feelings and maybe eventually some family therapy.  Some families are just sooooo dysfunctional.  A lot of times the abuse is a cycle---- my guess is your mother was abused in some way.  Not that it's an excuse.  We need the ones we love to stand up for us and if or when they don't it's horribly painful.  Take back your power.  Free yourself little by little if you can.  And sometimes forgiving even the horrible can help you.  Don't let them off the hook and you probably can't forget but when you forgive even the pathetic it has a freeing effect ---- and u got us if you need us.  All the best.
Helpful - 0
1540869 tn?1351214013
Thank you for responding to my post. I guess its really just a cry for help when I know that I really need help. I'm going to try to get in and see a therapist this week. Hopefully they will understand and HELP me . I've seen 2 therapists One i didn't trust and the other thought I had bpd so she wanted me to get into dialectical behavioral therapy. But now not so sure whats going on. I think it's ptsd but I could be wrong. I myself know in my heart that it's not normal, but when everyone your around thinks that it is i guess it makes it seem so. Thanks for being there <3 xoxo
Helpful - 0
1652669 tn?1337597719
Hi mandapanda, I just wanted to tell you that you are right. That isn't normal. You deserve better than what has happened to you, and even more so you deserve people in your life who are on your side, who hear you and support you. Go back to therapy. It will help if you let it. Now that you noticed it you can work on fixing it. Not what happened, or how people are treating you, but how you handle it and how you work your way out of it to be you and to be free of it. You deserve to feel better & be happy. Call a therapist asap, please.
Helpful - 0
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Depression Community

Top Mood Disorders Answerers
Avatar universal
Arlington, VA
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
15 signs that it’s more than just the blues
Discover the common symptoms of and treatment options for depression.
We've got five strategies to foster happiness in your everyday life.
Don’t let the winter chill send your smile into deep hibernation. Try these 10 mood-boosting tips to get your happy back
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.