suicide

[emily1990]

Hey.
im an 18 year old female and i think about suicide every day. I haven't suffered any major trauma or lost anybody, i'm not under allot of stress and i excersize daiily so i don't know the cause. I don't think i would go threw with it as i am terrified of nothingness but i just can't cope with life. i day dream constantly about my death and every time i get in a car (as a passanger) i hope i will be killed. When i'm out with people i feel happier and some days i feel absolutely over the moon and hyper but then it just seems to end and i can't stop crying. Its like the world is turned upside down and i often don't know what triggers it. When i get in that state i have such stronge urges to jump off the bridge or run in front of a car etc. Later on i just feel stupid and embarrassed i have no idea why i felt like that. I DON'T WANT TO DIE.  I don't cope well with people being rude or mean to me and i would always cry at school if i got in trouble and i pannick even now.

[Athena_M]

Hi Emily,

I have been suicidal too in my life.  I can tell you this.  Your life will get better.  

If you have a gun - Get rid of it.  

You might not see it or feel it, but your life will get better.  You will be happy and have a  husband, family, friends, a good job and everything good in life.  

I used to wish I was in an accident or something.  I could not feel happy or anything.  Needless to say I have bi-polar.  I'm on medicine and am doing better.  

Try not to argue with your mom.  OK?

Instead of thinking of dying try to think of what you wish your life would be like.  

What kind of wishes and dreams did you have for your life when you were younger?  

Hugs to you my dear

Don't spend time cooped up alone that's the worse for our condition.  Spend time with your mom or go to the library, join some clubs find some activities and distractions.  

Let me know how you are doing.

Hugs and Love to you
  

[alison_x]

I know just how u feel. I know how scary it is, in fact Ive just got back from recieving my diagnosis. I was sure no one would believe me and I was pleasently suprised at how supportive people were. I hope ur appt goes ok, and well done for being brave anyone to talk to someone.

best wishes and always happy to chat xx

[ladybug1963]

Emily, don't be afraid honey, you will be surprised how understanding and helpful a therapist can be.  They are just people, like you and me, but they have been trained to deal with the pain we sometimes don't understand ourselves.
I am here if you need to talk.

[emily1990]

I have booked my appointment. Its on thursday and i am soooooooo scared. I don't know what to say and i am frightend that i will not be taken seriously and that they will tell me i'm just a teenager deal with it. I'm terrified that i will do something stupid if they don't help me.

[emily1990]

Thanks for your advice and support. I had a terrible argument with my mum tonight for no reason my mood just bombed and i completely lost controll. I have no idea why i got like that so quickly and i hate myself. I came the closest i have ever been to killing myself and now i am really scared. She made it very clear that i am no longer welcome at home and now i want to die as i am terrified as i have never stayed away from home more than a couple of nights and i don't have a job and i'm in full time education. I am going to make an appointment wih my GP in the morning as i feel like i am about to snap. I am worried that i will be turned away for making it up or that it is not seriouse.

Thanks for the advice

[Hensley258]

When I first became sick with this disease I used to think the same way. I would have thoughts such as, "what will my friends think?" "What will my family think?"
"OMG, people will think I am crazy and lock me away!"

That's just pride messing with you. When depression reaches this level pride goes out the door. Screw pride!

Did I lose some friends? Yea, I did but guess what? My real friends stayed and supported me in my recovery. They didn't really understand it, but that didn't matter because they just wanted me better.

I will tell you what a fellow sufferer told me 20 years ago when I called a suicide hotline with a gun at my head. He asked me to go to the local Psych hospital ASAP. I told him I couldn't do it because people would think I was crazy. The man on the phome paused and said, "my friend, your only 22 years old. Now ask yourself how important the rest of your life is."

His wise words made me think hard and I went to that Psych ward that night. Funny thing was that it was not as bad as I had thought it would be. I felt safe there and it was my first step to managing this illness.

Now I must ask you......How important is the rest of your life?

[lonelyinacrowd]

emily, my oldest brother took his life over 30 yrs ago and my heart still aches for him.  i too think about my own death every day.  my kids keep me going. i owe it to them if nothing else.  life is not suposed to be so heavy.  there is a way to get better. there are a lot of different things you can do but first and foremost you need to see a psychiatrist. don't worry about what others are going to thinkt; you have got to take care of yourself.  and more probable, your family would be supportive of you for seeking help.  here if you need someone to talk to.

[star641]

hi Emily ,....i am the mam of two children that took there lives ,...my son and my daughter ,....i son suffered with depression before he took his life ,..he did get help but not to the extent that he should have got ,..but i never knew till he died ,..so i looked out for the rest of my children just in case they got depressed i swore i would go to the ends of the earth for any of them in getting the right help if they needed it ,....
3 years after my son took his life my 17 year old daughter took hers ,...i was devastated
my hole life turned up side ,and inside out ,....my daughter missed her brother so much she took he own life ! she hung herself just like her brother did ,.....she hid her pain so much from us all because she didnt want to make me feel any more hurt ,..
i only wish to god my little girl had told me how she was really feeling in side of her ,.
i only with to god i could have helped her more than i did her brother ,.
my dear you have to tell your mom how you are feeling !! she is you mom and i know the pain she will be in for the rest of her life please tell her ,....i know she loves you to much not to get you the help ,suicide is so devastating to family's and i got so depressed over my children that i became suicidal myself so i know where you are coming from ,
i wanted to walk out under cars ,...i wanted to crash my own car while i was driving ,..
i took 3 over doses and ended up in the hospital ,...but i got the help it took a while but im here and im still getting help ,....im on meds and i go to talk therapy she is very good with me ,..she got to the route of my prob ,..meds help but you must go the see a therapist to especially if you are thinking like that ,.you need to talk out to someone about whats in your head and i do believe a therapist is the best ,...
you should never mind how people think about you in the way you are feeling because at the end of the day !this is your life !!!not theres!!! go and see your d,r and he will talk to you about finding you help ,....dont hide this bring this out into the open and live ,..you dont want to die nobody does but you cant take the chance either ,...suicide is something that just takes you over so please go get help ,.
all my love and best ,.....Bernie ,.........

[emily1990]

I don't know where to go for help. I am too scared to talk to my GP first as it is very intimidating and i feel stupid and pannick. I just can't do it i don't know where to go for help. I can't tell anybody i know or who knows my family asi really don't want them to find out. I don't think i could look my mum in the eye again.

[Hensley258]

From what you posted I would say Bi-polar for sure.

You need to get in to see a qualified Psychiatrist for evaluation and proper disagnosis.
There are medications for Bi-polar that can set your moods even again and eliminate the suicidal thoughts.

For example, people with Bi-polar and suicidal thoughts Lithium is an excellent medication. It is actually the only mood stabilizing drugs that is proven to reduce suicidal thoughts.

I understand that you don't want to die. I have also been activly suicidal many times in my life and it was just because I wanted the pain to stop.

It can get better, but not until you get proper help and I don't mean talk therapy either.