Having diabetes is tough.
Can you reach out to get some support, to help you get back on track? There are online communities, as well as face to face groups.
You'll be feeling bad because your diabetes is out of control and this will make you feel even less like taking care of yourself.
I could also suggest looking into low carb / ketogenic eating, which may help make managing your diabetes a bit easier (less swings, more stable blood sugar).
please take this 1 day at a time.
Please come back and talk to us.