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Diabetes - Type 1 Community
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Avatar universal

Type I Diabetes and Marriage

Is it advisable for people with juvenile-onset diabetes to get married? My parents are forcing me to break up with a diabetic because he is not "marriage material".. apparently diabetics who have had diabetes for a long time (this boy has had it since 17) begin complications really early.. my dad is an eye doctor and he says that he gets patients with diabetic complications in their eyes every single day, and that they get blind by their 40s if they even last that long.. not to mention all these other long-term complications... gangrenes, amputations, strokes, etc etc... are my parents being overprotective or do they have a point?
19 Responses
Avatar universal
Hello, Mary.  Of course people with diabetes can get married.  Having diabetes is not a reason to avoid marriage.  People with diabetes these days are doing much better with diabetes management, and the rate of complications in people who are using these management principles are dropping drammatically.  20 years ago, this wasn't the case, so the patients that your dad sees fall into that group, where they didn't have the tools and the knowledge that we have today.  I'd have your significant other show that he can and does manage his diabetes well.  Your parents need to understand that times have changed with respect to diabetes care, and there is no reason to break up with someone simply because of diabetes.
Avatar universal
Mary,

I have been a diabetic since I was 14.  I am now 49.

I am very active and have no diabetic problems, but I do take care of myself.

I was diagnosed with diabetic retnepothy when I was 28 and according to my eye Dr. at last months visit it has not progressed since I was first in his office 21 years ago.  In fact he told me he would be dead before I needed lasar on my eyes.

Your parents are wrong.  Diabetics can have a very long and fulfilling life, but as with anyone healthy or not things can happen to us in our life that will shorten it, that is the chance you will have to take with anyone, diabetic or not.

Diabeties can be taken care of with the proper meds, diet and exorcise.

Bob
Avatar universal
Just a thought--do your parents like this boy?  Maybe there are other reasons for their dislike of this boy, because I guess I find it hard to believe someone would make you break up simply because they have diabetes.  In fact someone as knowledgeable as your father would know that diabetes management has progressed as above mentioned.  
And are these patients your father sees Type 2 diabetics? Type 1 diabetes is when the pancreas does not produce insulin. Type 2 diabetes is most often diagnosed in people who are overweight, do not exercise and have a history of neglecting the needs of their bodies.  Therefore Type 2 diabetics still produce insulin but their bodies do not use the insulin sufficiently or I could say properly.    
Anyway, why don't you try talking to your parents, maybe there was some miscommunication.  
Avatar universal
I have been married to a Type 1 diabetic for almost 2 years now.  He is 41 and was diagnosed at the age of 9.  I will not tell you that it is not hard at times but you can not let this disease stop you from marrying someone you love.  My husband takes care of himself, works, hunts and fishes.  The only major complication he has had so far is diabetic retinopothy.  He is currently having his second set of laser treatments for this problem and his retina specialist says he should be fine as long as he has regular checkups. Good luck with your situation.  I hope everything works out for the best.
Avatar universal
I am a type 1 diabetic and just got married! And it's great (which has nothing to do with diabetes).

I think that you parents are having some other issue, either with him or with the idea of you growing up. Plus, if you love him, then you love all of him. He may even be a lot healthier because a lot of people with diabetes take better care of themselves than other people!

Don't base your relationship decisions on diabetes! We are normal people :)
307500 tn?1302119746
I have had Diabetes since I was 16 and I went on to get married and have 4 beautiful children. I am 51 and I have taking very good care of myself. Ur parent are being silly. Don't break off a mariiage if u Love him truely. Diabetes is not a contagious disease. And he won't be the one having the babies, u will, so all will be fine. I feel sorry for your boyfriend, your parents are starting out holding a gridge all to soon for not a good reason...My, my...
Avatar universal
You will deal with certain problems being married to a diabetic. If you love him with all of your heart and he loves you the same, don't listen to anyone but your heart. You will give your all if you truly love and that goes for him too. Become one and live and conquer this disease together. All fear fades in love. You have my blessing.
Avatar universal
I have been with my diabetic husband now for 7 years. I know he has been struggling with his diabates, but I have recently found out that he has found the comfort in an unmarried female co-worker, I have found that they have been talking for quite some time and talk numerous times per day and at very late hours. And this has been going on for at least 5 months
To me this is cheating and lying and hurts very much. But at the same time I know that he needs support from other people.
I am just soo lost and hurt and just wanted someone else who may know how to react to this.
Avatar universal
hi,
I am in Love with a Type 1 diabetic.. and let me tell you it is the most wonderful thing to have known him. He is 25 and has recently been diagnoized type 1 a year ago.
He takes care of himself, eats the right thing at the right time, takes his shots regularly. and belive me life has been just beautiful, though we are not married now, but very soon want to. I think because of this 1 reason, love would not turn away. It has taught me one thing and that is to understand his needs and care for him and support him all way.

Life is still as beautiful as always. There is no reason that you should back out because this 1 reason. We have our medical experts to always guide us.. :)
521895 tn?1212597611
Honestly, this disgusts me - your parents are very misinformed... your father is a Dr. - how many healthy people do you think he sees?  So he's going to base his information for ALL diabetics off his unhealthy, poorly controlled diabetic patients who come to see him to be treated?  Now, if your boyfriend is poorly controlled, there is some reason to be concerned, but I would recommend taking an active part in his management with him - be supportive and encouraging with his diet and exercise and make it a part of YOUR life too - that way you can't just simply dismiss him... proper diabetic maintenance is how ALL people should live in terms of diet and exercise.  Adopt some of his practices for yourself and you'll see how much BETTER your life will be.  Don't listen to your parents - they are DEAD WRONG when it comes to this.  Can you imagine your mother leaving your father after him suffering a similar diagnosis?  Can you say, "knock on wood"?  I hope for his sake his "principles" don't come back to haunt him.
Avatar universal
hi to all

     I am type 1 daibetic from my 14th year........ now am 25 . but i didnt get marriage . My parents are worried about me , me tooo.i dnt know what will happens in future . I hopefully waiting for my life partner........
Avatar universal
I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 17. I'm now 50 with no complications, my eyes are doing very well, as is the rest of me. In fact, I have not been sick, not even had a cold, for over 4 years. I'm active and have worked nearly all my adult life. I have 3 grown-up sons who are all very healthy and wonderful people. I do take care of myself, checking my blood sugar numerous times and taking multiple shots each day. I am lucky to have a great husband who is caring and supportive. Diabetes treatment has come a long way and as long as your boyfriend educates himself about diabetes and takes care of himself, he will almost certainly live a long and healthy life. Because we diabetics MUST eat well and not overdo anything (booze, food, etc.) most Type 1s are actually healthier than a lot of the general population who take their health for granted, don't exercise, and eat too much junk food. Don't listen to your dad on this one, he's actually uninformed and ignorant of how well most Type 1s can do nowadays!
Avatar universal
Hi Mary,

I have been Married for 18 years, I have 5 children, and have had Type 1 diabetes since 9 years of age.  I am 37.

I have no complications to date.  I live a life of balance.  Diabetes is managable, and even more so if you are in a loving supportive relationship.

Do your parents have any other reason to dislike this fellow?  Because diabetes is not a resaon to break up with him.

Good luck!

Trev
Avatar universal
wow than you everyone for posting their comments. I am a type 1 diabetic aswell, now 24, diagnosed at 22 (female).  I am sorry your parents feel that way about your boyfriend, but lets face it, its just ridiculous especially at these times.  How are you gonna feel if you break up with him and a cure comes up for type 1 diabetes in a few years...are you going to ask him to get back with you??

Trust me as long as your boyfriend takes care of himself your parents need to get over themselves assuming thats the only reason they dont like him.  
"treat others how you'd wanna be treated"
Golden rule !!!!
all the best :)
Avatar universal
wow thank you everyone for posting their comments. I am a type 1 diabetic aswell, now 24, diagnosed at 22 (female).  I am sorry your parents feel that way about your boyfriend, but lets face it, its just ridiculous especially at these times.  How are you gonna feel if you break up with him and a cure comes up for type 1 diabetes in a few years...are you going to ask him to get back with you??

Trust me as long as your boyfriend takes care of himself your parents need to get over themselves assuming thats the only reason they dont like him.  
"treat others how you'd wanna be treated"
Golden rule !!!!
all the best :)
Avatar universal
This is non-sense. If the Type 1 diabetic is taking care of himself, works out, eats well, he will be very healthy. My bf of 5 years is a Type 1 and he 43, he is very healthy stronger than anyone you'll probably meet is a fire-fighter and all around amazing.
Avatar universal
Of course they can get married. I have had diabetes for only a bit, but know three eople who have had diabetes since being a teenager, they all have families, and one is 80+ years old. Diabetes complications USUALLY only occur in those with poorly managrd diabetes. If you love this person and believe that you could make it through an unlikely complication with them (assuming they manage their diabetes well)  then marry them. Yes, your parents are being a bit paranoid, but honestly it is because they don't want your partner to die on you. This is unlikely and it seems your parents assume this since they have only been exposed to the unfortunate cases. Try to see if they and your partner would be willing to do a  teaching on their diabetes, and if not your parents will see that soon enough you'll both be fine! Best of luck. Diabetes isn't easy, but I believe you two can make it work!
Avatar universal
I am 72, type-1 diabetic, married for 45 years, w/4 grown kids. Having diabetes more than 1/2 my life, has not slowed me down. I also have MS, that does slow me down a little. that said I have done/experienced more than most, so called healthy people.  BTW my eyes are still good.

I find it hard to believe your dad is so DARK AGES about diabetes!  I have experience the changes in diabetes care and tools, t is nothing like it was even a decades ago.
1 Comments
Hi Gomer2.  Thanks for chiming in.  It sounds like you have been through a lot.  Have you checked out our MS forum?  Find it by going to communities and then search A to Z for it.  And of course here.  Hope you come back as you seem to have a lot of good things to say.

Yes, agree there have been so many advancements to make life easier.  
Avatar universal
Bcrap! Anyone can be healthy as a horse one minute, sick as a dog the next. There are plenty of stories of people having DIABETES, and not know it till they go blind etc, usually type-2.

In Feb 1982, I went in the hospital for minor surgery, came out with a virtual death sentence, 10% chance of surviving just 12 months. Well I am still here and kicking decades later, despite diabetes type-1b, Multiple Sclerosis, Addison's & more.

I have NEVER let my medical maladies stop me! I have lived longer, don more than most people w/o any medical problems!

Dr Gomer (Dr of life)
1 Comments
Well, again----  thanks for posting and sharing your story and glad you are doing well!  We are looking for members on the multiple sclerosis forum and would love to read what you have to say on that forum.  There are a lot of people who think they have it and don't, a few there that do and you'd be a welcome member of that community.  Here's a link:  https://www.medhelp.org/forums/Multiple-Sclerosis/show/41
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