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649848 tn?1534633700

Sunday Weigh-In September 15, 2019

Good morning... Well, here we are, once more.  As you may remember, last week, I was in South Dakota because of the illness and subsequent death of my brother.  It was all quite a shock, as I had no idea the situation was going to progress as quickly as it did.  As it turns out, I wasn't told the whole story before I got there... I know this was done with good intentions so as not to "cause extra worry" or make me feel "obligated" to make the trip because I was also dealing with the hurricane.  In reality, it almost prevented me from getting there in time to see my brother before he passed and certainly kept me from spending as much time with him as I could have if I'd known all the facts  much sooner.  Had I known all the facts, I'd not have taken a chance of flights being cancelled, airports shut down, etc. and I'd have been able to spend much more than the 2 hours I got with my brother.  

My advice to anyone going through similar situations is that if you're the one relaying information, please be aware that the people you're giving the information to can't possibly make informed, timely decisions if they don't have ALL the information there is. We like to ease the blow in these situations and it's okay to break it gently, just don't withhold facts that might influence a decision as to whether someone might travel today or tomorrow because it can mean missing those last few hours with a loved one.

I know there are other family members who think I should have been there much sooner; what they don't know is that I agree with them... Also what they don't know is that I would have been had I been more fully informed.  

Anyway, it is what it is and although I'm still somewhat numb and miss my brother immensely, I'm back home and will learn to move forward without him, as will the rest of the family and friends.  

I'm still struggling with my stomach issues, as well.  I did get some calls from my doctors - both, pcp and gastroenterologist.  My pcp's office insisted that the bulge near my navel is a Lipoma, but the CT scan doesn't bear that out and once I finally got them to understand that, they decided I need to let the gastroenterologist deal with it.  The gastro's office called to tell me that the biopsy for H Pylori was negative and that I should continue with the high powered acid reducers.  At that point, they were ready to wash their hands of everything, but then I managed to get a word in edgewise and let them know I have the CT that they need to deal with.  Our call was dropped, so I have to call next week to follow up on that.

In the meantime, I'm still having all the same symptoms so I'm not willing to let anyone simply walk away without giving me any answers, although it seems as if they'd all like to.

Weight-wise, while I thought I was losing weight because I wasn't eating much of anything, I was actually gaining... wow!!  I've gained 1.4 lbs since I weighed in 2 weeks ago.  I find that hard to believe considering what I've been eating - almost nothing!!  I take a few bites and I'm full, my stomach bloats up like I'm expecting a baby and I feel miserable for hours.  

I have noticed that as long as I was up north, I didn't have any swelling my feet/ankles, but as soon as I got back home, the swelling began again... I'm not sure what the difference is, other than altitude and heat - it was cold up there (compared to here).  Anyway, the swelling would have a bearing on weight, as well.  

I also haven't gotten exercise and now that I'm back home, I plan to start walking in the evening again, except that last night it started raining about the time I was ready to go, so that put the cabosh on any outside exercise.  I'll either have to look at going at a different time or using my treadmill, though I don't like the treadmill much.  I'm really looking forward to cooler weather so I can get out at whatever time of day works though I do prefer the evening most.

Anyway, I have 1.4 lbs to try to get rid of, plus a few more that I've been carrying around most of the summer!! I know the stress of the summer hasn't been conducive to losing weight so I have to get that under control.  

I had been looking forward to the first of October when my winter neighbor was supposed to be back but now she isn't coming - at least not in October, but possibly not all winter... so much for that!!  

So that's my story.  I hope you've had a good week and that you reached whatever goals you set.

~~Wishing everyone a wonderful, successful week~~


3 Responses
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134578 tn?1693250592
It's possible that the problem is (in part) that our son is used to being treated respectfully, and when kids are outrageous and no adult does anything about it, he feels stuck in a bad system where nobody cares. It's a tough transition. I remember feeling very supported by the school in 6th and 7th grade, but he doesn't have any such feeling.

The reason I said ugh about the web academy was that the orientation we went to was crowded and disorganized. They didn't have enough space in the room, kids were standing out in the hall trying to learn what they were supposed to do to sign in on their computers, and teachers didn't know how to present to parents and kids in a group. Again, the people running things should have been more firmly in charge. We might use this as a back-up, even if I've heard one of their software packages is super dull.

I'd like it if the charter-school option comes through, but there are so many kids on the waiting list that chances are quite slim. It is a lot like a prep school, uniforms and all. Private schools here cost about as much as college, and most are twenty miles or more away. I think he could handle church-based schools if he liked the teachers, and I could sure handle the civility.

But, we'll see. Today wasn't awful, he reports. lol
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Oh of course, I totally agree with the respect issue - that's much of what children are taught at home as well as at school.  If we don't treat our children with respect, they don't learn to treat others the same way.  And I'm sure your son finds it difficult when others are disrespectful and no one does anything about it.

When I worked in our local school system, I used to cringe sometimes at the disrespect shown, both by and toward students.  I do think the middle school age tended to be the worst from what I saw; they're spreading their wings more than they did in elementary school and haven't reached the maturity of high school yet.  Of course, that's no excuse for poor behavior...

The web academy sounds like a night-mare.  I believe my friend and her daughter did nearly everything they needed to do online, but I could be mistaken.  If the school system is going to provide a program like that, they do need to make sure it's well organized and run properly.

The charter-school option does sound like a good one, but then those children can be ill-behaved as well.  Our charter schools here wear uniforms, etc too, but then so do some other schools.   I agree that private schools are about expensive as college, but here, most have tuition programs that one can apply for.  There are many excellent church based schools that wouldn't be bad and many provide discipline and better focus on education...

Every day that isn't "awful" is one step closer to being "okay"...  :-)
134578 tn?1693250592
Good luck with the doctor! And thanks for the sympathy about the sulky spouse. It's nothing like the problems you have been dealing with, of course. I do wish my husband would stop being such a grump when I won't "hop to."

Regarding our son being miserable, yes, he's always more anxious at the outset of things. He's started to talk again about how he wishes he were dead, and his OCD symptoms, which we haven't seen for months, are beginning to creep back.  Unfortunately, this school (touted as the kinder and gentler one in our district) is apparently no different in how the kids treat each another. I'm unwilling to force him to be unhappy in school for two more years, and I don't want him to give up on school altogether. We've put him on the lottery list at a local charter school (100 kids on the wait list to transfer in to his grade), we visited the local web-based school (ugh), and we're looking into a local Catholic school (we're not Catholics). The only place I've drawn the line is that we aren't moving again. I keep hoping he will walk out of school some afternoon and finally say he had a good day. Hasn't happened yet.

Anyway, I'm thinking of you with your irritating doctors, and sincerely wish they would all get their act together for you.  :)

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I have a call in to the doctor but so far haven't heard back.  I may be asking too much to think they'll bother returning my call, IDK...  I'm not really looking for them all to get their act together; just hoping that one will eventually listen and actually HEAR what I'm saying... that may be asking too much, as well.  :-)

I think husbands tend to be sulky when they don't get their way and we just have to roll our eyes and move on... lol  Our kids, on the other hand, tend to be a different story.  I don't think I could deal with having a child that unhappy for such an extended period of time either.

As far as the way kids treat each other, I think that's as much to do with what parents are teaching their kids these days as anything the school is doing, although we do expect school personnel to make sure kids aren't bullied or treated badly when they're in school.   Ultimately, though it's up to parents to teach their kids to treat others with kindness.  You've obviously taught your son that way and he's not used to being treated otherwise.

We have a friend in OR whose granddaughter did web-based school for her senior last year.  She was extremely motivated and it worked out exceptionally well.  Your son is much younger, but it's certainly something to think about.   Are there private schools, other than the Catholic school that might be options?  Of course, there is always that possibility that he will get used to the school he's in since nearly all schools have homework and you can't be sure how the kids treat each other in any school until you actually spend time with them.

Don't give up on the options... my granddaughter's number came up in the lottery for a charter school even after the school year started and she'd begun in another school.  She's now enrolled in a school of arts she's been wanting to be in for a couple of years.  Things happen when we least expect them to.  Wishing you/your son luck.
134578 tn?1693250592
Barb, what a catalogue of woes!!! As I said when you originally explained about your brother, I am so sorry, it sure did seem like this happened fast. Shame on them for not telling you all the facts. I suppose they thought they were doing you a kindness, but seriously.

Add to it your irritating doctors! I'm losing a certain amount of respect for the medical profession. For one thing, there is variation in the amount of intelligence and skill, and for another, the system in most HMOs and with most insurance systems forces docs to give you just tiny slices of their time. It's not the doctor's fault, but one used to be able to talk to a doctor for more than 15 minutes.

We are still at the farm, due mainly to my husband's insistence on having a barbecue. We had a big barbecue on the 4th of July, a pretty traditional event that we've done almost every year for two decades, and one dear friend could not make it. So my husband set up a follow-up barbecue for him, inviting him and his wife, another couple, and eventually a neighbor couple. He didn't tell me, or ask if it would fit with all the stuff we were doing (selling the little house, moving). When he finally casually mentioned that he had invited people to a second party, I told him we couldn't do it when he had planned, which made him sulk and say he didn't have a life where he could see his friends or have a good time. He had planned it for the weekend of the open house of our house up for sale, but I was so busy getting the house ready that I twice asked him to change the date. (He doesn't grasp, regarding parties, details like if you invite ten people over, you need places for ten people to sit, such as tables and chairs, preferably with some kind of covering rather than just eating on the bare plastic tabletop, and drinks and ice, and the dogs should not be muddy, and the bathrooms cleaned, and some kind of salad and dessert might be expected. Things were simpler when we were college kids who could sit on the floor and eat hot dogs, which is pretty much the last time he was in charge of his own social life.) Anyway, though I really wished to draw the line and tell him no more socializing until after we move, he was already storming around in such annoyance about having to shift the date that I didn't have the heart for the fight. Instead of moving last week, we stayed at the farm and had the barbecue. It was an OK party (I think I would have been more up for it if I had liked more of the people he invited). I'm glad he got the party he wanted, and now the farmhouse looks presentable (a nice side effect of entertaining). But as you can tell, I sure wish it hadn't had to happen, it took me way off track regarding the move.

Add to the fun mood, our son is not liking his new middle school. Crying every night, curling up in fetal position, begging not to be made to get out of the car and go into the school, talking about wishing he weren't alive. I did talk to the school, and they had him talk to the counselor, but part of the issue is that there are 1,500 kids in his school and they can't do much to change the system. So in between dodging sulky remarks from my husband about his put-off party and fielding calls from movers, painters and plumbers, not to mention negotiating the house sale, we've had this very acute crisis of a sad son. The main problem is academic anxiety -- he has two hours of homework a night and not all teachers have started giving homework yet.

Oh, weight loss? Hm. lol  I don't seem to be losing from the stress or gaining from stress eating, but right now think I might be up a teensy bit just because we did eat at the party. I'll check later and post back as a comment. :)

Hope everyone is having better weeks than Barb and me!
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I know information was "softened" for me because of what I was going through here with the hurricane along with my own health issues.  I'd just gotten through the abdominal ultrasound, endoscopy and was awaiting results of the CT scan when my brother took the final turn for the worse... These things are never easy and usually never thought to be then end either.  

I guess what bothers me most, is that there had been discussion when I was up there in July about how *I* felt in these situations and I thought I'd made my feelings quite clear.  I had said that not providing full information made me feel like I was being excluded from family situations/decisions and that it didn't give me the chance to make informed decisions or participate in situations other family members were participating in.  In this case, that certainly was true.

So, as I said:  it is what it is and I doubt seriously that anything will change when the next situation arises so I have to be more vigilant myself and be ready to go at the drop of a hat.  

Annie, I'm sorry you've had to deal with an inopportune party at this time.  I know you've worked so hard to get the little house ready for sale and get everything ready for the move.  I know how upsetting it can be when the husband becomes petulant about these things and all one can do is give in and go with the flow.  As you say, parties have a tendency to get things cleaned up though, which is nice for a while... lol

I'm also sorry that your son doesn't like the new school since that was the whole reason for buying a new house and getting into the sale of the other house, etc.  It sounds like a repeat of last year.  Do you think the dislike is simply because it's early in the school year and he'll get used to it? I think homework has become the norm lately - even my third grade granddaughter has it, so I'm not sure any school will be able to eliminate that.  As they get older, homework becomes a heavier load and seems to be something they all have to get used to.  Although a little reading, etc at home may not hurt, I'm convinced that  piling on the homework is the least beneficial... they should be learning in school, not having to spend all their "down time" doing home work.  That's like adults taking their work home very night and never having a chance to relax with the family.  School is the child's "job"; home is their relaxation time... Of course, that's just my opinion and as my Auntie used to be so fond of saying: "nobody asked you, did they..."  lol

Anyway, as to weight loss - I was down a pound within a hour of posting this thread yesterday, so my "habit" of bouncing all over the scale hasn't changed any...  That would leave me up by 0.4 lbs over the past 2 weeks, but still up by almost 8 lbs (I need to calculate but I think that's right) over the past 3.5 months... I did go for a walk last night and realized just how weak my legs have become over the summer...

I'm off to call the doctor and try to get some things sorted out...
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