Avatar universal

Bf Left for Cheating Ex

I've been dating my bf for 2 yrs in a long distance relationship and he ended our relationship to go back to his ex. We both are 21 now and he had dated her for 4 years long distance in highschool. They broke up after he caught her cheating on him in person when visiting. Although we were friends in highschool, I wasn't in contact with him for the last few months of his relationship with her where I really supported him when he felt the worst/betrayed. However, we began talking again as friends and he would vent to me about the breakup. We began dating a few months after their breakup & I made sure he was over his ex before beginning the relationship.

Things were great for 1.5 years even though his ex was now attending the same college as him & we were long distance. But suddenly he started doubting the trust we built, citing my social media profiles as problems and who I was having dinner with even though I remained completely faithful. We fought over this bc I restricted myself out of sake of the relationship but he didn't reciprocate the actions I took. He started distancing himself from me, making excuses that he was busy, couldn't vid chat, short text replies, etc. then I discovered 2 pics of him on diff. instances in a group standing with his ex which I blew up about but his excuse was he happened to see her there with mutual friends and was "forced" to take the pic. He had lied to me about being at that event altogether. After all this drama, he finally admitted to cheating with me a year ago with his ex. (This was probably why he wasn't trusting me bc he cheated behind my back). I was extremely pissed off knowing that he cheated me after having been through getting cheated on by his ex.

After 2 weeks of no contact, he wanted me back and felt guilty of having cheated/treating me badly. I was naive enough to give it a second chance but I brought up the doubt I had for him many times bc I needed to tell him how I felt. We were at an okay point trying to work through what happened. During our rel, he had told me he did not talk to his ex unless for emergencies. Once all this happened, I asked him to not talk to his ex at all like he said he would do earlier in the rel which he said he couldn't do for me anymore. A few days later, he basically ended the rel saying he needed space but when I questioned him further he said he was too busy to keep up our rel, he didn't think it would work out, then finally stated he's gonna go back to his ex.

Since then I have been in no contact with him for 20 days. My questions are: how can I deal with this situation? I loved him a lot and we both could see us together but did he ever love me? Why did this he choose to go back when I was completely faithful/good to him but his ex has cheated? Will he try to come back? I feel that the reason he went back is because now he can have a rel that's not long distance with her. Will they still have all the problems he discussed with me after their breakup? How can he end our friendship/relationship and move directly back with her without a grieving period? Was I just a rebound? I feel so used and it's the reason for my anxiety the past month. I'm afraid of seeing them together happy/eventually married one day. Will they really last given that after graduation they could be in different cities?
2 Responses
134578 tn?1614729226
Don't bother with long-distance relationships, is my advice.
973741 tn?1342342773
Break ups are never easy.  Sorry you are going through one. NO matter what, even if they are for the best, they hurt and we feel like we might want them back.  This happens even if WE are the one who asked for the break up.  But here is the deal based on what you've written---  this always had bad news written on it.  He's cheated on you, he's left you for his ex.  All the other things you wrote are irrelevant as those two things are what matters.  You don't need that.  You have to raise your bar really high in a guy you want to be with so that you get what you deserve in life.  Someone who'd never cheat on  you.  Those kinds of guys are out there!  Don't settle for less.

So, that this ended is a blessing in disguise even though it hurts now.  My best advise is to stay busy, work on you, think about things that you really want in a person and remember, cheating isn't one of them.

Long distance relationships, I agree, are very difficult to turn into long term relationships.  They are hard to get a real sense of what it is like to be with someone.  So, try to date someone who lives in your area down the road.  

Good luck and again, sorry you are hurting.
Have an Answer?

You are reading content posted in the Divorce & Breakups Community

Top Relationships Answerers
Learn About Top Answerers
Didn't find the answer you were looking for?
Ask a question
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
For people with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the COVID-19 pandemic can be particularly challenging.
A list of national and international resources and hotlines to help connect you to needed health and medical services.
Here’s how your baby’s growing in your body each week.
These common ADD/ADHD myths could already be hurting your child