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Break up Help scared of starting again

I’ve been with my partner for 5.5 years. He has a 6 year old son, lots of debt and he can’t drive, so whilst I’ve always loved him we’ve always had a difficult relationship. We argue a lot. We recently moved to a new property closer to where we work and I’ve been enjoying not commuting as it’s making each day easier.

Since we moved has a friend who is local and he started to go out more and more around 2 up to 3 times a week. I’ve therefore been feeling lonely and feeling sad. He also comes back later than he says he will, makes plans last minute and has let me down about going out.

The other day he was too hungover to meet me for coffee, then the following night I looked after his son. He said he would be out for a few hours and left at 2pm. He came back at 9pm. I was upset the next day and told him he’s the only thing in my life making me sad and stressed. I also lost my Grandmother on Christmas Eve so I’ve wanted his company and support.

He then said he wants to start sleeping in different rooms and he can’t make me happy, he can’t give me what I want.

My partner cheated on me 2 years ago and it’s been hard for me to trust him, and to deal with what he’s done to me. It’s had such a negative affect on me.

I’m also worried about what will happen to him if we do split and his son as I care for them both a lot. I also can’t say anything to my Dad yet as he’s upset over losing his mother, I’ve told my Mum and she’s disappointed for me but supportive. I’ve also told my bother who I’m close with. And I have a close friend I’ve told.

But I’m absolutely devastated, just broken. We’ve got so much invested in each other and I’m 31 and don’t want to be on my own.

I’ve been crying for 2 days and haven’t been sleeping or eating properly. We might not be able to get out of our new tenancy agreement which makes it all so much more difficult. I feel so alone and stressed and sad.
3 Responses
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there, I answered you on the relationships forum regarding the latest situation.  I'm so glad you came back though honey. We're here to help you!
Helpful - 0
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Oh my gosh, I'm so glad you came back too to let us know what happened.

You are brave and I'm so proud of you for breaking it off and while you may be lonely now, you are closer than you were when with that guy to finding a good partner.  :>)  Take your time.  You are so smart to not give into the loneliness and get back with him too.  Good girl.

We're here to talk. We can talk about dating and how to work on finding a good guy.  Come back and talk to us!!  hugs
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
Hello there! I am still taking each day as it comes but help!
This time a year ago, I met a guy (I’ll call him Thor) from an online dating website.
We hit if off immediately, and i really like him.
After a few months, It ended after I told him I don’t feel like he was being forthcoming enough, that I want things to start progressing more. He said he was happy with the pace that we were going, although he thought a lot of me and definitely liked me. I was gutted he didn’t want things to progress.
In the end, he said he had a great time with me, but thought there would be friction between us if we tried to be together. (He also told me in the mix of it all ending, that he is border like autistic, and doesn’t always pick up on any ‘signs’ I give or feeling’s I try to put across)
Fast forward a year - I’ve met other guys, only one I liked really: and he ended up hurting me and being a douche. No one has ever really compared to Thor, or made me feel like he did. I looked at his social media once a few months back and saw he had met someone, and wasn’t really surprised.
3 weeks ago I was on my online dating account, and he pops up as a message. I won’t deny my excitement. He simply said he had seen me pop up and wanted to say hello and hopes I am well. I responded surprised to see you here. He told me he had met someone but she’d broken his heart.
I said it would be lovely to see him again for a casual coffee, he said it would be great to catch up and we can swap dating horror stories....
(I don’t want a casual coffee, I only said that because I’d love to see him again. Because I’d like him to look at me and be all dddaaaammnn why did I let her go she’s great)
We’ve enchanted texts since. He asked me 2 weeks ago if I’m free for coffee and I wasn’t.
Suggested one date since and he wasn’t free. Texted him a couple of days ago just casual - said to let me know when he’s ‘free for that coffee’ he said ‘yeah cool’
Even typing this I feel ridiculous, but I’ve never been able to get him of of head... I never expected to hear from him again. His messages to me have been nothing but platonic. As much as I am hoping he will arrange a coffee with me soon, I want him to want me, and deep down I know he won’t. So do I stop worrying, and see him for a drink, who knows he might feel how I want him to?! Should I tell him I’d love to see you again but there’s a chance for me the feeling’s could come back?! Or is that just ridiculous?! I don’t know what to do really. I wish he hadn’t of contacted me again really.... do guys just message to say hey hope you’re ok without wanting anything more?! An I being ridiculous... why do I want him when he doesn’t want me?! Should I tell him how I feel?!  
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sweetie, I'm sorry.  I know it hurts.  I'm going to just be honest here.  He's not much of a catch, hon.  You won't be alone or anymore lonely than you are now.  STarting over is an opportunity to eventually have what you want in life.  Not right away.  You have things to discover about yourself.  Understanding why you put up with a guy like this for so long is important.  You deserve better than him.  He's cheated, he goes out all the time, he's a crummy dad (neglectful at the very least), can't drive, argues with you, disrespects you, takes you for granted and your future is bleak.  You've stayed a long time under these circumstances when someone with higher expectations in a partner would have been long gone.  Why don't you have higher expectations?  This is a serious question with no judgment.  You should think about why you settle for less with this guy.

Moving on is in your best interest.  We are here to support you.  hugs
Helpful - 0
2 Comments
I’ve only just read this. So many months on and it still made me cry. I hope you see my reply. You’re a wonderful human!
I left. I am single now. I am a bit lonely. But my standards are higher - I’ve dated but not met the right person yet.
My (now ex) went on to beg for me to go back after I Left. He has another girlfriend now (someone who used to be a close friend of mine, albeit years ago, but still painful for me to find out. It didn’t take him long to move on) but he has asked to see me again. I’ve said no.
I’ve done lots of soul searching and do feel better about myself. I will say that dating in your 30’s is hard... but not harder than me with someone who made me feel so bad.
Thank you whoever you are. X
I'm so glad you came back to report that your life is better now!  It sounds like your self-esteem took a big hit during the time you were with your ex, and it's great to hear that you're understanding your worth.  That puts you in a much better position to have a relationship when the right person does come along.

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