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Committed Infidelity and want to stay together but he is unsure

cheated on my husband when our child was 6 months. He found out. We got back together within the same month. later cheated on him several years down the line later. He found out by asking me questions and I could no longer keep it secret. I was horrible. It was more than more over a course of several years and I had the affairs in our house. He is now broken and no longer trusts me. We have tried for 2 years to work on us. but ss of right now, he asked for a break from me. He says he no longer feels anything for me and he needs time and space. He says he wants to feel something for me in his heart. He said he was so in love with me that I made it hurt down to his bones. If tried everything to prove I will never ever hurt him again. I've remained open about everything I'm doing. But nothing seems to work. I've been told to leave him alone. To trust in the Lord and allow him to work but I get so upset most of the time because I fear he will leave. And I've been told that I'm not giving it to the Lord if I think that way. He found another woman that has gone thru the same situation with her BF. He wasn't going to tell me about her had I never found out. He maintains that she is just a friend. She also said they were just friends. He says he no longer knows who he is and is lost. He hardly even does anything with the children anymore. I just want someone to talk to that has been thru this same situation. I need guidance.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
This is really REALLY hard. Some couples do come back after infidelity.  But it takes so much work.  And unfortunately, this is the second time around that you are in this position with him.  What is different than the first time you were found out?  

Soul searching is in order.  What do you think drove you to cheat?  Understanding that is key to understanding how to work on this marriage.  You can be contrite and let him grieve the loss of trust and slowly earn it back. But unless you understand how it happened in the first place it is hard to really close that chapter.  

Do you two work with a therapist? That would be my suggestion too.  A professional marriage therapist may be really helpful at getting you two back on the same page.  We are all human.  You did something you regret and would like to be with your partner.  Make him believe this time is different by looking within for the reasons why it would be.  

I feel for you.  We're here to talk!  hugs
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
He made me realize how much my choices and actions caused him so pain. I believe I did it one because I didn't not value or love my self and my relationship. Even tho he would always show me that he wanted to be intimate with I felt as tho it was just because he was a man and that the way I looked didn't matter but to myself I have always put myself down at the way I look. I was so angry at the fact that he made me feel like I was raising the child on my own because he would never offer to help with the kids or would refuse to take care of them when I needed to make a quick trip to the store. I was trying to change him into my image which i know is wrong of me. So when I did cheat it was the thrill that made it ok in my mind. In the beginning when this all came out we went to counseling but it only helped me open up and talk to him and not keep issues bottled up as I had in the past. He never had an issue with saying what was on his mind. We stopped going.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I hope you come back.  I'm here to listen.  hugs
Helpful - 0
1 Comments
He made me realize how much my choices and actions caused him so pain. I believe I did it one because I didn't not value or love my self and my relationship. Even tho he would always show me that he wanted to be intimate with I felt as tho it was just because he was a man and that the way I looked didn't matter but to myself I have always put myself down at the way I look. I was so angry at the fact that he made me feel like I was raising the child on my own because he would never offer to help with the kids or would refuse to take care of them when I needed to make a quick trip to the store. I was trying to change him into my image which i know is wrong of me. So when I did cheat it was the thrill that made it ok in my mind. In the beginning when this all came out we went to counseling but it only helped me open up and talk to him and not keep issues bottled up as I had in the past. He never had an issue with saying what was on his mind. We stopped going.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Thanks for coming back.  I sure wish I had a magic wand to fix this!  Are you still working on it as a couple?
Helpful - 0
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