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Divorce & Breakups Community
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Avatar universal

Don’t Know What to Feel

So I haven’t been on here for a while but now it’s on a new topic: divorce. So I got married four months ago but during the course of our relationship I felt that things mainly feelings have changed. Like for example I didn’t feel love for him for a while so I assumed that meant that I didn’t love him at all and it got to the point where I was thinking to myself “if I don’t have feelings for my husband, then why am I still in this marriage?” After we got married, we still lived with his mom at his apartment and things weren’t getting any better so I moved out and came home to live with my parents again and then after he came to live with my parents as well. Things were ok but didn’t get any better because I still felt empty and I was dealing with my own personal OCD and that just made it worse. But anyways I filed for divorce and served him the papers but now it’s like I don’t know what to feel. Like I’m glad to be getting a divorce but now i don’t know what to feel about him. Do I love him as a friend or what? I don’t know. Anyway if someone went through something similar some advice would be great. Thank you.
2 Responses
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, after a break up, it's really common to have mixed feelings and complex emotions.  You can't just shut off that he once was close enough to you that you married him.  You can even have fond feelings for him still and not have it mean you should be together.  Is there any way you can talk to a counselor and work through some of these emotions you are having?  

How did he take the divorce?  How is he feeling?  Is friendship an option?
1 Comments
Well right now I am talking to my therapist right about all these mixed feelings, but as for how he took it, he didnt take it very well. He over reacted he said some hurtful things and was very hurt. Right now I just want to get through this cause it’s onlt been three weeks since I told him that I wanted a divorce and we’ve barley spoken since then. The only time we talked was when he asked why I took out more than half in the joint bank account and when I sent my condolences to him because his grandmother passed away. But that’s about it
Avatar universal
I don't want to pry too much but how did  you two even get married if you got fed up with it only 4 months after. I don't think that "oh I stopped loving him" is an answer here, you don't stop loving someone just like that so you probably never loved him to begin with.
I can understand why he would be upset. Serving someone divorce papers without even preparing them for what's coming, or talking to them about how your relationship is failing is cold-heated and plain selfish. Could have at least given him a heads up.
I assume he is actually hurt after this and he needs his space. Don't pursue friendship after this cause you just might give him false hope, give him some room and focus on yourself.
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