Breakup confusion

[Hbob411]

I was in a long distance relationship for 2 years and 6 weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me saying he didn't feel the same anymore. I admit we had been struggling for a few months & we didn’t see each other enough cos we were saving to live together. I became really insecure cos I felt him becoming more and more distant so it was a bit like a constant battle. At first I didn’t want to accept the break up but eventually I realised it was for the best at least for now anyway. He even said he didn’t know what the future and time apart would bring & he couldn’t see anything with or without me & even though we said we shouldn’t talk he said he would always be there if I needed advice etc if it wouldn’t be too weird for me.
But then things got confusing and he unfollowed me on Instagram then refollowed me & posted a sad post about loneliness and yearning but then a few days later he blocked me.
So I called him up on it to ask what was going through his head & he played dumb but I suspected he may be with someone else. Asked him out right he said no but didn’t believe so I kept pushing and he admitted he was with a girl from work. Obviously I lashed out which I shouldn’t have done and he retaliated and said hurtful things and tried to invalidate our relationship and say this is the happiest his ever been etc. He then said they had become close friends to the point they fell in love (he’s known her max 5 months) & that’s why he broke up with me. The thing is nothing adds up with the way he was in the past few months, yes we had problems but we were trying to work on them admittedly not enough & even a week before the break up he agreed to some big changes. Also why be so nice and ok with staying in contact with your ex if you wanted to be with someone else?
I feel like perhaps the initial reason is likely but then being apart has confused him and cos he got close to her feels like he has feelings and this is a way out of a way to heal. I don’t know or maybe he really believes by lying he was protecting me.
I’m just so confused because I don’t know what is true and what was just said out of spite cos i get it is easier to move on if he can be angry at me or label me as crazy etc I don’t want him back or at least I don’t think I do I’m just struggling to process it all. Anyone have any insight/thoughts/advice?

[specialmom]

In all sincerity, it sounds like this relationship has run its course.  Rarely, can a relationship come back and be healthy after this baggage.  I know it hurts.  But he's trying to keep his foot in the door, not fully let you go for his own insecurities.  You don't need that.  I would break ties.  Not in a dramatic way.  This has all been a little volatile.  I would keep your dignity and quietly move on.  I would cut off all ties.  Do not respond to anything he does, tweets, messages you, etc.  Not to keep the drama between you going but to heal and move on.  We're here to help you.

Things that help during a break up:  staying busy, picking some things to work on for you like work, school, exercise, a hobby you enjoy, keeping a journal for emotions.  And know that time heals. I went through a painful break up and later met my husband.  Married almost 20 years.  Could not in my wildest dreams imagine being with the person I was broken hearted over.  So, this will happen to you too.  hugs

[Hbob411]

I definitely agree that it has run its course. Obviously I have regrets because I think we should’ve done more to make the effort we needed but there’s no use dwelling on that. That’s why once I accepted the break up was for the best I felt better but I think there was like 10% of me still hoping for a reconciliation especially given how nice he’d been afterwards. That’s why I confronted him last weekend over his social media actions & cos I was worried he was with someone else. I got angry cos he lied initially and that’s when things got angry and he retaliated massively when I said it was a rebound. I did apologise for comments I made about his new gf cos they weren’t fair and I’m not the type of person who is nasty & I couldn’t leave it like that but the fact he couldn’t apologise aside from saying he was sorry he hurt me, tells me everything really.

[Jud333]

He sounds really emotionally manipulative. "You can still come to me for advice" is to preserve your nice guy image of him, and is just to make him feel good about looking like a decent person. The sad instagram post is also to manipulate your thoughts of him. This is honestly a really tough thing for you to go through, and I suggest *completely* ghosting him. Remove his ability to check in with your life. Block him on all social media. He's going to be so frustrated knowing there's someone he CANT manipulate anymore, so use that to jumpstart your journey forward without him. Don't involve him in your healing process if possible, because its going to feel amazing when he sees you a year later, in passing.