1326513 tn?1276518001


So my boyfriend broke up with my about 2 weeks ago. It was out of the blue and unexpected. He said he loved me but wasn't IN love with me. My psychiatrist says to just give him time and space and let him breath a bit and she really thinks he'll come back. I've held on to hope with the grip of a dying woman. No words from him at all. Now on facebook i see a remark he's made that is just so out of character for the man i fell in love with. He never drank before unless someone was there to drink with him. Now it seems he's out of town, which i had no clue about, and he's went drinking. It just makes me sick to think about it, and its like breaking my heart all over again. I really can't handle this, i know it probably seems trivial, but i've never gone through a heartbreak before. It's caused massive anxiety and depression and now this one comment of his has just sent me into a spiral. I just don't understand. I dont understand how to work on myself and get myself better as well as hold on to hope for this man that i fell so completely for, as well as try to move on in case he doesn't come back. Its all so overwhelming and painful. Im by no means suicidal, but at this point i just want to go to bed and not get up again. crawl in hole and just fade away.
Best Answer
1186413 tn?1326730549
I am so sorry that you have to go through this.  I am happy to see though that you are going to a psychiatrist.  I think that will help give you somebody to talk to.  It is really hard after a break up with somebody you loved.  He, unfortunately, has other plans for himself right now.  I am not sure how old you guys are which could be part of the problem.  He may just have realized he wasn't ready to settle down yet and be in a committed relationship.  I think it would be best if you just left him go.  He is not worth wasting another tear on.  The sooner you leave him go the sooner you can heal and really find yourself and love yourself again.  It is a process and will not be easy by any means.  I always tell myself during bad situations and hard times that this too shall pass.  I may not be able to see the good yet but one day I will.  Forget him and start focusing on yourself.  If he comes back he does and if not then it's HIS loss.  One day he will see the mistake he made.  Good luck and keep your head held high.  You do not deserve this.
5 Responses
Sort by: Helpful Oldest Newest
1326513 tn?1276518001
it is a good response. its a great response. i know alot of these things in my head, but its a different matter to make them stick to my heart. To make them real in my heart. Its hard when you've given everything you've got, when you lived your life for so long for that person so just stop caring, to just stop hurting. I know making the logic in my head apply to heart is just a decision i have to come to and it will take me just doing it. I feel guilty to give up and move on, but its apparent i should. Its just that every time its apparent and something comes up that hurts or a comment gets made that is like a slap in the face - its all a brand new hurt. Its like a heartbreak over and over and over again. Like as time gets further away, i thought the hurt would get less and less and more and more numb, but it doesnt - its still just as bad as the original break. I dont hate him, im not angry, all i can think about it where i went wrong. Im just not strong enough to do this. Not this time, and not again in the future.
Helpful - 0
1293643 tn?1283863034
Good response yi_wei93 - I totally agree with your sentiments.
Helpful - 0
1347462 tn?1276574596
I'm so sorry about this. I went through a very similar situation about a year ago. He was my life and to a point I even became suicidal. Losing a person should never be painless, after loving a person they become a part of you and losing them would be like shedding your own skin.
I was in depression for almost a year and I completely changed into another person. I've found love again but it's definitely not the same as before. I used to be such a little girl when falling in love but now I'm extremely cold hearted. Slowly I began to realize that in order to heal, I need to look on the positive side of things. One day I decided to stop hating him and instead I thanked him for teaching me so many things. I immediately felt better. I thanked for teaching me how to let go the hard way. How to be happy with what I have and to not expect too much. I thanked him for loving me before and to have cared for me once. Even though he's not said a word to me since we've broken up, I think of him as someone that I once shared something incredibly special with. Unfortunately since it didn't work out, it can only mean that we weren't meant to be with each other.
You need to love yourself before others can love you. Keep yourself occupied with friends, a hobby or anything. DO NOT go on trying to search for more love or else you'll start to grow dependent and vulnerable on having some one and it'll turn into a vicious cycle. Know what you want in a man, know that he if loved you he wouldn't have done this to you. When you love, and it's TRUE LOVE...you work for it. You don't just randomly fall in and out of love. Move on, life is too short to be grieving about some guy who doesn't appreciate you. There are other people who love you way more than he ever has. Be happy and think positive. Before you know it one day you'll wake up and be like "huh, I haven't thought about him for days!". By the time you don't harbor and hatred, sadness or anxiety towards him, you'll know that you're over him.
Good luck!
Helpful - 0
1152782 tn?1451101426
I think it isn't a good idea to wait around for somebody.  it does too much damage to you emotionally.  I would suggest deleting him from facebook, trying to distract yourself with other things.  Date other people, if you're in school focus on your studies, hang out with friends, read a book watch movies (romantic movies were bad for me, scary or funny movies are the best lol)  Just distract yourself.  Once you can get it to where he doesn't cross your mind every day but only every once in a while you will be able to start finding yourself again and really deciding who you are as a person.  That's when you can move on a have a healthy relationship with someone.  If at some point he sees the change in you and you are still interested in him he may come around, but you may find out he's now who you thought he was and find someone better.  But it takes a lot of time and love (friends family animals) to get over heart break.
Helpful - 0

You are reading content posted in the Divorce & Breakups Community

Top Relationships Answerers
Learn About Top Answerers
Popular Resources
How do you keep things safer between the sheets? We explore your options.
Can HIV be transmitted through this sexual activity? Dr. Jose Gonzalez-Garcia answers this commonly-asked question.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Condoms are the most effective way to prevent HIV and STDs.