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Avatar universal

mid life crisis for men

I would like to find out for those of you men out there if you have gone through this and why?  The reason I am asking is 3 weeks ago my husband came home and told me he didn't love me anymore.  He said I love you as a person, and respect you.  This is after being with him for 31 years and doing everything for him.  Taking care of him while he was sick, when he lost his job, standing by him.  I was also asked to care for his dying father last year he was battling cancer, I agreed, I cared for his dad in our home 24/7 until he passed.

Can someone explain to me how a husband justifies to himself this is right to do to his wife.
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Avatar universal
I am currnetly going throught the same mess. I have been married 32 yrs and was a loving, caring, cheerleader and partner to my husband. I have actually taken much better care of him and my boys than I took care of myself. I am truly sorry for that now. He started telling me how unhappy he was last year at this time, and I encouraged him to seek counseling for his ACOA issues. He did that , but was more and more distant and reclusive, hiding out in his den all the time and clinging to his side of the bed. He was cutting me off and just acting polite...it was killing me...so I told him it may be better if he moves out for a while..and he did....I had been very concerned about how suddenly this occured and knew there was a puzzle piece missing....he denied it and denied it, even citing that HE would never get involved with someone without first getting a divorce...blah blah blah... sure enough after 3 months of pressing him , he finally admitted there was someone else, he was starving to have those "feelings" again!  Well, I was devastated, and he was so self decieved, he actually thought our grown children would "understand" . He called and let them know right then...to make a long story short he was back that same week, he himself devastated....however, that sorrow was short lived and he became very depressed and left again a couple of weeks ago. He says he cut the other woman off cold turkey and is now living with his mother... but still doesn't love me...and it "doesn't look good"....I took vows that I intend to keep with the help of God! It is not easy, and I know I am powerless over anyone else, so I have to let go...completely...but marriage is a stong bond and I don't feel alone...I know I took those vows in the presence of God and that He works for the good of the family...He's a pretty great partner...as nothing is impossibe for Him! I don't know my outcome yet, but I trust that the present and the future is full of Hope. My twin siter went through a similar situation 20 yrs ago and waited 6 yrs for her husband to return, they are now a solid and amazing family, with 4 kids that are the most loving people alive! She persisted in prayer through a horrible and what seemed hopeless circumstance and came through.....We have prayed for many families through this kind of crisis, most have reconciled...don't lose HOPE
Helpful - 0
1894410 tn?1364190055
Well, I have had the same journey, after 30 years marriage with a loving and happy man until his parents died and he has never been the same. He gave me the talk I love you but not in love with you talk, and he is now drinking and smoking and he had an affair with a 22yr old bimbo who went to high school with our daughter. It has been a year and half since then and I simply got on with my life, he left his family nothing, he took 200k from our bank account and we had to leave our country town because he was screwing her next door.
I will never understand what happens with these men, they are normal men and women and then bang, they turn into this selfish person. My ex is trying to get back his family but I just don't trust him at all and never will.

They blame everyone else, mind still can not work out what he did wrong and if I ask him any questions, he says I am pushing him. What a weak person he has turned into. All I know is I do not like the person he is know so I have to move on. The kids and I have become very close and I now have a grandson, I have bought us a home and we are on our way to a happy future with my ex. I am now going through the divorce and he is so shock that I would divorce him.
I want to move on and I would love to find love again in the future, I feel I have a lot of love to give. I really do not think anyone has the answers..good luck to anyone going through this hell.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Weird because my ex wife had an identity crisis, she went from a very conservative lady to smoking and getting tattoos almost over night ... she started drinking and using drugs and running around with girls half her age. Eventually she married a guy ten years younger, he makes no money and they live in a rented dump.

I make decent money, I have full custody of our kid ... I out right own my house and do not use any drugs or drink ...

I dont feel sorry for her, I am pissed at her ... my struggle is getting past being mad ...

Anyways, the point is that both men and woman can have identity crisis and what I have learned, is that if we can recognize thats what going on ... we can also be wise enough to NOT make important life decisions while in the midst of a crisis.

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Avatar universal
I am wondering how many men go through this and regret their decisions.  Mine did the same to me after 28 years of marriage.  And he chose someone 14 years his Jr...although uneducated, ugly and fat.  I on the other hand, was educated, never let myself go and maintained a lovely clean home.  He married her.  I wonder if he has lived to regret it??  But I am sure he would never admit it.  I do feel sorry for him now - that is after cryiing a river and much therapy.
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Avatar universal
I am working through a mid life crisis and part of that is to re examine relationships and consider my future ... its normal for a man to do that.

My doctor's advice was to NOT make any decisions for a year
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hello everyone,

Our 32nd wedding anniversary is this week.  Last summer my husband announced that he wasn't in love with me.  He still loves me but he isn't in love with me.  

A friend suggested a book on mid-life crisis and it was immediately apparent that my husband was going through his MLC.  However, he refused to consider that this is what was happening.  He has now reconsidered.

He is adamant that he needs to move out of our house and be on his own.  And he is actively looking for an apartment.  (In which I hope he is completely miserable!)  

I have never in my life hurt so much.  I am trying to do what all the books tell you to do in these situations.  And the books are full of success stories.  My question to this group is - do any of you have a success story?  Has anyone had their husband leave and then realize he made a mistake and came back home?  Can anyone provide a sliver of hope?

Helpful - 0

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