Husband won't/can't put dog down

[candygirl333]

My husbands 15 year old chow/something mix is coming towards the end of her life (or so I think - my husband thinks not). I say she is my husbands dog, but I have been her sole caretaker and walker for the past 14 years. She has spinal stenosis and can hardly stand for long on her back legs and has trouble getting up.  She walks like a drunken sailor.  Lately, she has been drinking a ton of water.  She coughs after drinking water, she's lost 7 lbs. You can see her spine stick out of her back. She has nasty, oozing tumor looking cysts all over her body and 1 large one on her tongue (which vet said was benign). She can't see or hear well, and nips at people when they try to touch her. She is peeing and pooping (involuntarily) all over the house (she now has to be penned in the laundry room).  She doesn't go for long walks, but still likes to go. SHe walks slower than a turtle, but will give me a sign when she is ready to go back home.  For the past 2 yrs we haven't seen her tail wag, she keeps it tucked in. She still eats. When she barks a brown spit comes out of her mouth and onto the windows. She nervously paces all over the house at night.

The Vet encourages us to put her down. The Vet says anything over 13 years (for a dog her size) is considered bonus years and she is at the end of her bonus years.  He questions why we still keep her alive.

PROBLEM:  I am sick of picking up pee/poop 5x a day!  My husband doesn't think that pooping and peeing all over the house is a good enough reason to put his dog down. Yet, he isn't the one doing the cleaning. She is RUINING OUR HOUSE/CARPET! The same carpet our children play on!  I can't get the smell of urine out, and it's disgusting!  Aside from all the above abnormalities, she doesn't "seem" to be in pain, but she doesn't look comfortable or happy. There are bad days, and not so bad days.  She doesn't have "good" days anymore.  She will chase an occasional rabbit, but she knows she can't catch it nor will she chase it for long.  There are days she doesn't get up to greet us.  Days where even rabbits can't get her up.   My husband is TORN UP about ending her life, and doesn't want to be the one to play GOD.  I told him I would rather have us present in her last moments of life, than to have her die in the night alone....... or worse yet..... have my children find her dead. He won't take her back to the Vet or have blood work done, because he says the Vet will tell him to put her down.  He is in denial!

We have tried doggie diapers, and with her bad back legs, she can't walk in them. SHe won't stay on a pad. Penning her up is the only thing I can do. She is on 4 baby aspirin a day (81mg each).  HELP US ASAP!!!  This situation is consuming our thoughts and our emotions. Winter is coming soon, and I just don't think she is going to get worse in the winter time - which makes a FULL time job for me.  

[candygirl333]

THANK YOU THank you, for all your kind words and prayers.  It still aches.  We think we still hear her fingernails on the floor, or see her shadow waiting for us at the back door.  I guess her daily memory and our daily routine will still be with us for a while.......  I appreciate your encouragement and condolences. We were lucky to have her for 15 years!  We didn't rescue her...... she rescued us!  :)  Peace and love to all of you.

[tiger1978]

I hope you don't feel guilt about putting her to sleep. Guilt is the one thing I don't feel about putting mine to sleep. You did the right thing!

Hope you and your family are ok!

[tiger1978]

I had my westie, Oliver put to sleep 5 years ago now! I still miss him like crazy but know it was the right thing to do.

He had one eye, was blind, cud hardly hear and had alzhimers (I dint know dogs even got it) he'd also had a massive cancerous tumour removed from his belly the previous year. Like your dog he ws pooing and weeing all over the house & i had to hold him up to eat his dinner, although he cud still walk around really well. It took me months of debating before I finally booked the vets to come & put him to sleep, like scamp it was peaceful and he seemed to be thankful in a way.

I understand ur husband doesn't want to be the one to make the decision but he has to consider would he want to live like that. I know I wouldn't! We all want our animal to pass away peacefully in there sleep but in reality this rarely happens and as there family we can do the best thing for them! Yes it was one of the hardest decisions I have ever made, he was my best friend and I grew up with him, but keeping him alive would have been for me and not my wonderful best friend! Ask him to consider what his dog goes through every day, maybe seeing it from her point of view might help.

I hope he comes round soon!  

[lindapalm]

You will feel guilt, I still do after almost two years after putting our dog to sleep.  But deep down you have to know that it was the only thing left to do, things weren't going to improve, and your dog did not deserve to suffer.  .  Your dog doesn't hate you, you gave her a great life, try to remember that.  I truly feel sorry for your family, I know how much it hurts.  Take Care.

[heartfluttersflyawayplz]

your sweet fur-baby is not mad at ya at all in fact shes very happy that ya took the step to get her out of her pain, she will no longer suffer and be sick thanks to the love ya had for her . so pl;z dont feel guilty, feel at peace that ya loved her so much you gave her the love of not suffering any more . God Bless ya . I hope one day another fur-baby is Blessed to become part of your Family. Barbara

[candygirl333]

I hope she doesn't hate us for this, because we are feeling a tremendous amount of guilt.  I pray for forgiveness, and I pray she is out of pain and onto a happier place..... looking over us.

[candygirl333]

Thank you for all your kind words and warm support.  We put our beloved friend down this evening.  It was a tough decision by all. Mostly, I am terribly heartbroken for my husband and children. It was a peaceful departure, and my children were there to hold her paws as our pup got her wings and flew into heaven.  I can't tell you how much our heart is breaking tonight...... more than I thought it would. Peace to all of you.

[leon7777]

i would like to say you all wouldent be normal if you all dident get upset,your dog is part of your family and off course you are going to miss your dog who wouldent,think of the good memories you have had with your dog il be thinking of you all when you take your dog to the vet,god bless .

[candygirl333]

No, my husband doesn't see multiple problems, he only sees the incontinence - he doesn't think she is in pain. She was 56 lbs, now down to 48 (when we checked in May). I have suggested he take her to the VET - ANY VET, get a 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th opinion if he doesn't like what our Vet told us in May! He KNOWS what they are going to tell him, and his response was "why spend $80+ on an appointment plus $300 on blood work (she doesn't need)". He knows she is at the tail end of her life.  He knows it's not fair for her to stay with us.  He can't make the decision to end her life.

In reality, the VET told us in MAY to put her down. Technically we've already HAD our extra time with her, and NOW we are running out of time.

I wrote down all her ailments and will present this to my husband this evening.  I have downloaded a couple articles on Spinal Stenosis which proves she is indeed in pain, but can't tell us.

My husband has not told me to cancel this Wednesday's appointment with God. He sat the kids down at dinner last night and told them he doesn't think it's fair for her to be kenneled and he knows she isn't getting better.  The entire family was in tears.  

Maybe Wednesday is the day...........

Thanks to ALL of you for your kind words and support.  I still feel like I want to implode and am going for a very long, tearful run this morning.....

[Alohabrooke]

I would ask your husband what he thinks the vets have to gain by  recommending that you put your dog down. Veterinarians like doctors are often trying to do what is right for the patient. They’re hard to break when they see animals suffer which is usually why they became veterinarians. Not for the money. If he’s not willing to do it then if it was me I would probably take your dog out for a lovely last a day without telling anybody and have her or him put down  at home or you can be with  her.  Then you could leave her body for your husband to find and let him assume whatever or tell him that  you love the dog obviously if you have been taking care of her for 14 years and that you couldn’t stand to see her suffer anymore.  
The other option is to stop taking care of her and make him do it ALL...
   He clearly isn’t comfortable with the death and is probably avoiding the issue. Death is not a terrible thing and the animals don’t see it as terrible. It is a fact of life and you are doing the right thing by allowing her to stop suffering. I would want someone to do that for me  based on all you tell us.  ❤️  Good luck.  

[Jster]

I feel bad for you, obviously your husband is living in a dream world, and since he does not have to care for the dog or clean up after the dog, he can continue to live that way. So you will be the BAD one if you choose to do the right thing and follow the vets advice. I think you should make your husband take over all dog related duties, and then have him take the dog to the vet and LISTEN to what the vet has to say, but I know it is easy for ME to say this, but not so easy for you to do, so all I can do is wish you good luck. Hopefully nature will step in and solve this problem for you, but it would be good for your husband to get a bit of education in the real world.

[lindapalm]

Does your husband actually look at the dog, and see the multitude of problems, or does he try to avoid her so he doesn't have to see?  She has lived a long life for her size, if she is maximum of 50 lbs she is 83 in human years, if she is 51-90 lbs she is 93.  Either one is a very long life, and I'm sure shes had a very good one, too.  Keep telling yourself that, cry if if you want to, but try very hard not to feel guilty.  Good Luck, and let us know how you made out.

[candygirl333]

Thank you Linda for your response.  I am the one who takes the dog to vet, clips her nails, cleans her ears and teeth, feeds her and has walked her every day for the past 14 years.  I am the one who notices bumps, weird walks or head tilts, ear infections, bad breath, shedding, and cleans up the pee/poop messes. The funny part, I'm ALLERGIC to all animals with hair and have sever asthma if I get close to her and pet her.  I have done years of allergy shots JUST to keep this dog in our lives with out jeopardizing my own health. My husband loves her, pets her, and brushes her.  Other than that - it's been my sole responsibility.

When I took her to the Vet May 2, he said to put her down THEN.  My husband, being an engineer, thought he knew his pets health better than the professional Vet (mind you this is the same husband who doesn't notice bad breath, ear infections, bumps, long nails, or shedding).

The kids and hubby are mad at ME because I made the dog wear doggy diapers (a temporary resolution for carpets, until my husband decided). Yet, no one else volunteers to clean her messes.  

I FEEL, the kids and my husband think I'm the BAD GUY for wanting to put her down. I am the only one who is complaining or notices her decline. The rest of the family only LOVES her when I lovingly mention it's time.  

I made an appointment with the Vet to euthanize our dog at our house this Wednesday evening - subject to family disapproval and cancellation.  You know there is going to be protest and cancellations - right? I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, while I watch our house (hardwoods and carpet) get destroyed (which, btw is going to be a $10K replacement).  Keeping her alive is not doing anyone justice. She is not going to get better, and she has very little dignity left.   I'm sickened all the way around and just want to scream, cry and implode.

[lindapalm]

You are in a very tough position, you feel guilty for letting your dog suffer, but you also feel guilty making the decision to let her go.  We put ours to sleep almost two years ago, and I still feel guilty, even though I KNOW it was the right thing to do.  Has your husband talked to the vet and told him why he doesn't think its time yet?  I think he should, and see what the vet answers him.  I wish you luck.

[candygirl333]

I forgot to say Thank You Leon for sharing your story about Scamp.  What a trouper hanging on for 17 years.  I bet you have 17 years of wonderful memories.  :)

[candygirl333]

Thank you Leon.  I am not trying to be heartless, because I LOVE our dog.  The past 24 hours has been an indication that maybe she is starting congestive heart failure or organ failure.  I understand putting a furry family member down is the hardest thing to do.  I understand my husbands resistance, and embracing every little small moment of spunk as "life left". I don't think there is anything I can say to help ease this situation with my dog OR my husband.  My children are devastated and love on our dog every moment they get.  It's time to say good bye, but I am the only family member ready to do so.  I would hate for our dog to die alone, at night, by herself.  Ultimately, it's my husbands decision, and he can't make it.  Makes me sad to watch both my husband and dog be in such pain.  :(

[leon7777]

it is year since i took my dog to the vet to be put to sleep,they called my dog scamp we had him from being 1 yr old from the r.s.p.c.a.he was a yorkshire terrier, he was a rescue dog o yes he ended up boss of the house ok so he thought,he was 17 yrs old when we had to have him put to sleep he wasent able  to go out and he was eating less yes i hung 2/3/ days before i finaly took him to the vet it broke our heart,cause he was classed as one of the family,as i held him for the vet to do is job he looked up at me  lifted is head and licked my face ,as much to say goodbye dad then he passed away nice and peacefully,but we have great memories of him from over the yrs,after that we decided not to have anymore dogs BUT WHEN  family as had a dog for yrs we just had to have another one,we now have a papillon 3 yrs old ,so i say candygirl take your dog to the vets..and remember the good times  with your dog..cause one day your dog will have to go to the vet..all take care..