I also had this problem on my first ever flight - I was around 8 years old, and nobody believed me even though I was screaming and begging for help, they just kept passing me sweets and telling me not to be so dramatic! Ever since then (20 years on) I also have problems with putting my head under water, my ears are torture in cold weather, etc, so I can sympathise.
What I find really does work every time - even though it takes a lot longer it seems for people with this problem - is to take a deep breath, pinch your nostrils, close your mouth, and attempt to force/squeeze the air through your nose (but dont allow this to happen). Try this very gently now, just so you can feel what I mean - the you will feel gentle pressure inside your ears. If you are flying and you keep doing this, you will feel a 'release' all of a sudden, and relief. Keep doing it whenever you feel the pressure build up.
Most people can do this once or twice and have relief, but you may have to do it 'hard' quite a number of times. Don't give up, it WILL work if you keep doing it. It will do no harm to you.
Caroline
Hi, I know exactly how you feel i dread flying the pain is almost unbearable. But as i like to travel i do put up with it althrough i feel like screaming when we start to desend, its a relife when my ear drum finally bursts.
I have found something that helps a little bit, maybe you could give it a go. If you get some Karvol capsuals and ask the flight attendent to put them in a cup with hot water then beathe this in it clears the airways and seems to help a little, this needs to be done as soon as the flight stats to desend if not it wont work, its just hard sometimes getting them to do it for you in time but it doesnt work in cold water.
The other thing ive notiiced is if you dont leave it to long between flights its not so bad.
Good luck on your next flight feel for you.
Best wishes Sally