Eating patterns have changed

[natalieedear]

Since the start of 2009 my eating patterns have completly changed, most days all i will eat is a couple of biscuits and thats about it, but other days (not many of these days) i will feel like im eating for Britain and eat loads, my friends call me anorexic but i really don't think i am. I have never ate breakfast, but now i've stopped eating lunch too, this doesnt mean im anorexic does it? please help me xx

[natalieedear]

I would talk to the nurse, but the thing is she has a daughter in my year and i really don't want her to tell her because her daughter, Harriet, doesn't particularly like me.I'm glad your alot better than before, and im so glad theres people out there that i can relate too.I hope your eating disorder becomes better soon, and i wish you the best of luck with your progamin summertime. Thank you ever so much xx

[natalieedear]

Thats exactly how i feel at the moment, i know my mum cares for me, but to be honest thats about the only person. and my boyfriend, Dom, too. But i can't talk to him about it because all he ever says is 'your not fat! your perfect' but i feel as though he's only saying that because he feels he has too. I'm going to have to think about who to tell, because when i spoke to my teacher the other day i told her i will eat one meal a day, and even that isn't proper and all she said is 'oh, thats enough to be eating a day' so she didnt really help. I find it helps me, like you, to get everything i'm feeling out by writing, but the story i just wrote was about me killing myself :/ which then led to me hurting myself again! xxx

[Rach878]

I am sorry for the way your feeling right now. I know the nurse seems like she's being a pain,but it's out of genuin concern. Since she already knows your not eating lunch, she probably has a good idea that your in trouble. She sounds like the perfect person to start with for help. I know it's hard, but if you want to feel better you need help, from someone.
I used to think that  being depressed, and eating disordered, and self harming...were just the way that i was ment to live. That i somehow messed things up and didn't have a future beyond pain...I'm still struggling wtih many things, but for the most part, i see that what's happened to me in life that's caused this pain...wasn't because i did something, but because sometimes obsticales in life..which can really suck are there for a reason. I was hospitalized several times for self harm and attempting suicide, and it helped. I'm on meds, which help my mood, and i'm not so depressed anymore. "Infact sometimes i'm geniuanly happy, which is something i haven't been in awhile. I'm still struggling wiht an eating disorder, but this summer i'm going into a program for it. And when i get better, i konw that i'm suppose to help people...people like us...people who are ready to give up, people who cut, who throw up, who starve...and no matter what it takes i will make a diffference...even if it's just one person...
So what i'm trying to tell you is...with the right help, you can find a road better than the one your on.

[Patricia Pitts, PhD]

There is always hope.  If you can lean on someone to support you to seek help that would be great.  Getting to a professional who can help you is important.  To learn more about eating disorders and level of cares visit the bella vita website.  Best, Dr Patricia Pitts  

[Zoelula]

I absolutely agree with everything Rach said and I think it's great she gave you those numbers. We're really worried about you nataliee. I can hear you're in a lot of pain and you feel like it will never get better. It can! I'm much older than you and when I was your age I felt just as bad, had an eating disorder, was depressed, self-mutilated...all of it. I thought I was a piece of **** and nobody would ever care about me; I sure didn't care about myself. I've since learned that I'm a pretty good person and I deserve good things. I have a happy life and am writing a book about what I went through. I nearly died several times but I guess a very little part of me always believed if I hung in there it could get better. Almost like my adult self was calling from the future, saying "hang in there, Zoe, you're worth it!"

Think of us like people who can see you in a happy future and are calling to you to hang in there. But you can't do it on your own, and people on a website are good support but not enough. Talk to the nurse, ask your teachers about a counselor, go to a clinic near your school, dial the phone. Look in your phonebook under Mental Health. I know there are free mental health services available somewhere near you.

Is there any adult you can trust? If there is one person, a neighbor, a relative, a friend's parent, whatever, tell that neighbor you need help and let them help you get it. We want you to be ok. You CAN get better, I promise you!

[natalieedear]

Thank you for your advice, I live in the woods pretty much by myself and i have 1 neighbour about 2 minutes away so i can't really go to see a clinic anywhere near me. But the only way i could find out if we had a school councellor is by seeing a nurse and she already has it in for me as she had to bring me into the canteen one day and watch me eat tomato soup and bread as i hadn't been in the canteen for 5 months, she said she was going to make sure the school cooks made sure i was coming in, so for about a week i started eating again and then i stopped and just hung outside. The thing is she knows i don't eat as everyday she goes in the canteen and asks the girls in my year where i am.

I usually engrave things into my skin with a compass, and scissors or anything around me that will take the pain out on me. I feel as though my mum and dads divorce and all the arguing they do is my fault. I have many reasons why i don't speak to my dad, but he's now really ruined the very last bit of his relationship with me as he has started a new family with his girlfriend, his girlfriend who claimed i bully her even thought i havent spoke to him for over a year now. I burst out into tears on Thursday as I was sat by myself on the bus too school and my dad drove across the roundabout and it just made me think about all the things he has done and it made my cry and hurt myself again when i got home.
When i am alone and my phone is charged, i will ring one of them numbers.
thank you very much, this site is really helping xx