hi I;m in the same situation now. I was anorexic from age 13-20 and at 21 I felt forced to give up dieting when I really didnt want to. up until there I always had terrible anxiety but all of the sudden all of that anxiety left and was replaced by anger. Partly to deal with the anger I started eating and eating and its been a year and I haven`t stopped. I feel like I`m still in this mode and I cant get out of it until my anxiety comes back but I don`t have any feelings at all and I feel like I have to eat and cant stop. :(
I too had/have the same problem.. ever since i was 13 i had an eating disorder because of my father... he told me that if i would just loose a little weight i would be pretty.. so needless to say, that did it... i became an anorexic.. but noone knew. i hid it from everyone. then i told myself i can get myself better... because everyone around me started saying i looked too thin... so i did.. i ate right and exercised at the gym.. then i met this boy.. and stopped goin to the gym.. but started eating like crazy.. so i gained 30 lbs..... i weigh 130 right now and im 5'3..... he dumped me because he said he would never date a girl that weighed over 130... so now.. im back at my struggle..
My theory to you is..... your never gonna be happy with yourself..
Even at 90 lbs.. i felt fat... i have weighed myself endlessly everyday since i was 13.. i wish i could just feel good!
i recently got married at 130 lbs and i thought it would be the end of the world.. ya know.. not being 90 lbs and all ... but it wasnt.. the pictures came out great!
But i am now on that struggle again of starving myself because.....
i just cant take the fat anymore!!!!!
My name is Kriste` and I am nutritionist and fitness trainer. I have a site at www.designerhealthnet.com. I go to many sites like this in an effort to reach those in your situation. I have heard your story so many times. My heart goes out to you and so does my concern. This yo yoing is dangerous to your health. Again please visit my site and if you think I am able to help send me and e-mail at ***@**** or call me at ***-***-**** and leave me a message. Please let me know what it pertains to. Hope to talk to you soon.
Yea, the same thing has happened to me! I went from starving myself, to now where I basically can't control what I eat. I feel like in a way, my parents trained me to eat more, since they were forcing me so I would gain weight. Now I don't want to be anorexic again.. I just want to be normal and find a balance like you said. I've never gone to a therapist or anything, I've just tried to deal with it on my own. I always thought no one would understand, since I don't know anyone else whose dealt with this. Yea I know what you mean, and it seems crazy to be able to go from starving yourself, to bingeing. I wish I knew why I'm like this now too. I used to be a very dedicated runner, but since I lost all control over my eating, I basically stopped running. I think the best thing to do is to turn to exercise..