I can't eat with my girlfriend

[nay4567890]

I've been going out with this girl who I am in love with for four months now.  Everything is great except for one thing.  When ever we go out to eat, I can't eat with her.  I can be very hungry, yet the second I see food or have to try to eat it, i feel as if there is something blocking it from going down, and if I try to force it down I will throw up.  I feel fine before and after eating, it's just eating with her that's a problem.  This has happened every time we go out to eat together and I don't know what's going on.  This is the first girl I've really had true feelings for and I'm thinking that may have something to do with it.  This has never happened in my life before except for with her.  I have a very good health record in the past, nothing that would lead to this, and when I'm not with her I can eat normally.  I see her every day around campus and I have tried eating light with her, but even things such as ice cream made me feel like I was going to throw up.  Luckily I haven't thrown up with her yet, but I have gotten to the point where I have had to swallow the throw up back down and it's only a matter of time until I do fully throw up in front of her if this continues.  

Can anyone give me some help on this?  I would rather try to fix it than avoid it because sooner of later, I am going to have to eat with the one I love.  Can anyone determine what I'm going through?  Any thoughts are appreciated!  Thank you!

[Roger Gould, M.D.]

Jaquta gave you a good list of psychodynamic possible explanations, but in order to find the right one, you will have to experiment and observe.  Next time you sit down with your girlfriend to eat, pause and observe what you are feeling and thinking, and try to link that observation to some memory, or listen to your random thoughts and observe what meaning you attribute to your anticipation of throwing up. You can also get some help from your college counseling service.

[Jaquta]

I like your philosophy of trying to fix the problem.

I'm a bit stressed tonight and my head feels a mess but hopefully I can contribute something that may be useful.

Eating is about taking in and can represent nurturing.
Vomiting can be about expelling or getting rid of.  Usually this represents stuff that is negative or that we can't tolerate..

I have issues with eating with my family.  With others too, but I am less tolerant of my family.
My T said that this was because I had trouble watching them take good stuff in.  In a sense them nurturing and looking after themselves.
Perhaps there is some envy on my part because I view myself as being useless and worthless and not worthy or deserving of nurturing.
Perhaps subconsciously you believe your relationship is too good to be true and you want to protect it.  I get that this relationship is very special.  It's almost like putting your gf on a pedestal.

Perhaps it is a straight case of anxiety and wanting to impress her??

I can't figure this out tonight.  I know the answer is there in what you write.
It's good to be able to identify the catalyst and understand it's significance.
Although I never liked eating in public mine was triggered after an asthma attack.  (I don't like people touching me and I don't like people near me when they're eating).

Another thought, but I don't think this applies to you.
Some people split things off into good and bad, black and white, all-or-nothing.
You may perceive your gf to be good so subconsciously you accept or take responsibility for the bad or negative characteristics.  You idealize her while devaluing yourself (to a degree).
A different example of this.  I buy the weekend newspaper because I like to do the jumbo crossword.  Before I can read it may family open it and look at the headlines, etc.  I then feel my paper is ??contaminated, ??bad.  Initially the paper was good, then it became bad.  Perhaps it is the same with food.  Without your gf around it is good.  In her presence it is bad.

I don't know.  I'm not making much sense.

I expect the doctor will be able to identify what's going on pretty quickly.
I hope you are able to resolve this issues really quickly so you can fully enjoy the relationship you have with your gf.

J