I can't stop binge eating

[ticked]

I am a recovering Bulimic. I am having a really really hard time to stop binge eating.  I dont purge anymore but all i think about is food.  I cant stop thinking about it.  I crave salty food the most and I will pretty much just keep eating until I feel sick then the guilt sets in.  I just cant understand why I cant stop.  I dont want to do it.  

I have estrogen dominance and I am not sure if this is a low adrenal thing but I need to stop.

Does anyone feel this way?

[ticked]

My mother is controlling and I have developed the same sort of controlling habits.  I love to be in control and this is one thing that I feel in control of.  I can make myself feel happy for the moment. I know its wrong and as for counselling, where I live they only have free therapy for times that I am not available and if its not free its so expensive and I really can not afford that as a single mother.  

I have been trying to deal with this all on my own, and I know that I have deep issues that triggered this to begin with.  I dont have a good relationship with my dad and my mother I do and she is the one that always cared about her weight and I think that my dad used to make comments to her that is why she cared so much.  She is beautiful but my dad has never made her feel that way.

I suppose I am in the same boat.  I hate my body and no matter what anyone says I hate it.  I try so hard to look in the mirror and love what is looking back at me but since I have had my daughter my body is not the same, its lumpy, cellulity (if that is a word) and full of stretch marks.  

My boyfriend says he loves me just the way I am but I know what he likes and he even comments on peoples weight and he can say that he loves my body but really I know better.  

I know that is a bad way to think but I dont trust what people say because they tell you what you want to hear.

[BeeFree]

Did you know that just the act of eating, ie chewing, and even the mere thought of food sends certain feel-good chemicals to the brain? These hormones can make you feel as if you are on a high, "drugged" or "out of control." It is why we reach for food for comfort when we are feeling down. So of course once you start bingeing and feel guilty about it, you're likely to continue in attempt to feel good again. A vicious cycle that is tough to break, and I'm sure you are very aware of this feeling considering your history with bulimia. But like any addiction, replacing it with something that gives you the same sort of "high" is an excellent tool. Something beneficial to the body/mind, of course, such as listening to your favourite tunes, going out for a walk, calling a friend, painting, helping others in some way, whatever you're passionate about! Whatever will engage you in something healthful to your body. I find that getting out and being active is the best therapy because it gets your endorphines pumping, leaving you feeling optimistic for hours.
And of course, if you haven't already, dig deep down and find out exactly why you are lacking the self esteem or contentment you seek. Once you know what the root issue is, you can figure out how to fix it.
:-)

[Zoelula]

Good for you for no longer purging, but it sounds as if you are still caught up in the cycle of your eating disorder. Have you ever received treatment? Bulimia is a disease and it is difficult to stop on your own ("cure yourself"). You might want to ask your doctor for a referral to a therapist who works with eating disorders. Very often we have a lot of feelings that lie below our eating and a therapist can help you work those through. Another good resource is OA which has meetings in all large towns and cities.