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Avatar universal

do you think i have an ed?

So I have depression and anxiety and all that, I did go to therapy but stopped and have been taking antidepressants but stopped recently, basically ive always had this thing bc of my childhood where ive never been good enough and now its like I look at other girls and I need to look better than them. Its the only thing I feel I have I can sort of win them over, my body... I have a good body so everyone says, and im naturally thin but have a little scoop of tummy under my bellybutton and it drives me insane, ive been on diets and starved myself and fasted, and I exercise loads because im so desperate to get the body I want and when I haven't like now, I feel suicidal and disgusting, I eat now.. a normal amount I think, but It just doesn't appeal to me, it makes me feel sick thinking about it. I don't find it wrong that I don't feel the need to eat, and wont eat until I collapse, I sometimes don't feel the hunger and other times just sleep it out or think about the body I want... idk whats wrong with me tbh
4 Responses
Avatar universal
Yes, it sounds like you almost certainly have some serious disordered eating issues. That scoop under your bellybutton is your reproductive organs. Nothing is going to make it go away. Models in magazines appear to not have this because it is airbrushed out. Please seek out a therapist ASAP. Eating disorders are very deadly.
766573 tn?1365166466
Just based on my experience as a layman what little you have said does not sound like the diagnostic criteria for an ED according established criteria such as that mention in the DSM-IV (or is it "V" now??). I know food is the focal point of what you are saying but to me the most important thing is feeling suicidal. Now is the time to reach out to a friend, counselor someone or anyone who can help you get through this time and figure out what is going on with you.

The other thing is that we are all just members of a help forum not really qualified to diagnose you. This does not mean there are not significant flags in what you said and how you are feeling about yourself. Sure you might be on your way to an ED but based on how vulnerable you seem this might mean other things. It just seems like you need support, answers and above all to not be alone with these feelings going around and around in your head.

I hope this makes sense. I am desperately trying to not sound preachy or discount anything you are saying while seriously hoping you do something ASAP before you feel more trapped.

Here is a virtual hug to you from me [ ]
Hang in there
Avatar universal
thanks... I have been struggling with not wanting to eat for years, I remember I went through a stage when I was a kid of just thinking about food literally making me sick.. Ive started wanting to make myself throw up after food now... im only having one meal a day but yesterday I had two and I feel really gross. I know the tummy thing is what a lot of people have but I don't want it I want to perfect it and make it flat... idk ive been selfharming for over two years and was on antidepressants but stopped, everyone is kinda used to me now so they don't actually care, well they do.. but theyre just kinda sick of not being able to help me. I haven't seen a therapist in months but im scared if I tell them they will do something or trap me even more... like my mum mentioned it to them and they just kept asking questions seriously I felt like I was being pulled into the sea with a cannon ball chained to my ankle... thankyou though. x
766573 tn?1365166466
Not sure what if anything the therapist diagnosed you as but that might be a place to start. If you don't feel comfortable with the therapist then I hope there is a way you can see another one. Sometimes it takes a few tries to find one that makes you feel even a small amount of hope that you can trust and tell everything.

I only said based on the few things you mentioned in your post that I was not hearing the clinical traits of an ED but the more you write the more I recognize things I feel myself. Namely restricting food intake and skipping meals or feeling c rappy after I do eat. I absolutely hate the feeling of food in my stomach. No matter how far I have come I will never get used to that feeling.

I think the people around us probably do care. It is just people in general do not know how to respond to eating disordered behaviour. They are like "why can't you just eat" which shows how incredibly out of touch they are with what is going on in our heads.

What concerns me the most of what you said is the self-harming. Getting back to that therapist or even a friend or relative you trust. It is really important you get to the bottom of what is going on with you with someone who will listen and not judge. The more you talk the more you might realize things on your own. I would prefer it be a trained professional so you can discover or work on whatever is buried. I hope I am not out of line. I do not SH but I know so many people who have and it takes work and support to no longer engage in that behaviour. It can be a strain trying on your own no matter how willing you are.

I seriously encourage you to find someone you can connect with. I does take a certain readiness and it does take time. But you deserve to feel better about yourself and (to me) I think talking is the way to start.
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