I just feel like i need some help, but i cant even ask for it! :(
i had a perfect opportunity last week :( my lecturer (whos a past nurse) has been asking if im alright for quite a while and says that sometimes i look so pale that she gets worried about me. i was planning on telling her my 'secret' last week and she actually asked me if i was ok again, no one else was in the room, so i had a perfect chance to tell her whats going on... but i just physically cant :(
i get so panicky when people ask if im ok, that the only thing i can do is just say im fine
i suppose ive kept this a secret for so long that i find it so difficult to tell people :(
ive been suffering with anorexia for 7 years, and ive never had any help for it. i have tried to recover on my own so many times and my eating does get a little better but ive still got a stupid voice in my head telling me im worthless, that i dont deserve food, that im already fat.. i should be loosing weight
right now im far from recovery, my eating is getting worse every day, right now i only allow myself between 0-500 calories a day but even that s a struggle. I know how much this is affecting my health, i just feel like if i dont get any help soon i could die because i know how quickly this can become out of control and how quickly i can loose weight, ive currently lost 1st in less than a month.
i know all the consequences of not eating, im a student nurse myself. But i still cant make myself eat... its like a fear of eating, but alot worse...
im 19, if that helps anything
p.s. i have had past expereinces which have led to me having this, but i havnt had help for them either. i used to have a counceler when i was at school but i just couldnt tell her anything, i just said i was fine and that was the end of that.
whilst i had a counceller, my eating was really bad then aswell, and i was getting bullied and abused (mentally, phhysically and sexually), but still didnt tell her any of it.