is this the start of anorexia?

[NekoChan98]

Hi, so yeah I have already once posted a question about whether I have eating disorders,  but I am now wondering if that has developed into anorexia. I am 15 years old and I weigh 49kg. I lost 20kg since February and also lost my period.  I can't stop counting calories and everyday (whether I ate a lot or not) I feel guilty about eating and can't stop exercising. I also feel like its never enough,  that I need to loose more to have the perfect body.  I also always bake for others and watch cooking channels, but never eat what I make. My hair is also falling out a lot and I have lots of loss of sleep. Im also pretty moody most of the time. Is this anorexia?

[breezi_beez]

You do have an eating disorder. Well you have all the symptoms of one. Please seek help, because this can be very dangerous.  If u are eating less than 1200 cals a day and excersising, your body will slowly shut down without energy to support it. There are support groups out there that can help you cope. Also there are healthier ways to stay thin without starving yourself. I know from previous experience. Please be safe

[NekoChan98]

Thankyou for the advice, I already consulted a doctor but they haven't been able to help me out,  so I am really worried now as well

[violet_genration98]

I think you need to see perhaps a school nurse? I'm sure that could help...
I hope everything's okayxx

[ExPat2013]

Hi NekoChan98,

I'm a survivor of Anorexia. I suffered from it for six years and have been recovered for almost twelve years now. It certainly sounds like you may have the onset of Anorexia. I agree with violet_generation98 with regards to reaching out to the school nurse? Anyone who can assist you in obtaining professional help. I have been through hospitalization and various treatment programs to recover. Please feel free to reach out to me at anytime for any questions and/or support. Recovery is possible! The sooner you get help, the better.

[NekoChan98]

Yeah I have seen the school nurse and they are trying to help me as much as they can, thank youfor the advice.

[NekoChan98]

Thankyou so much for the support and advice, the school nurse is trying to help me right now, but I am afraid of my condition worsening as my parents are force feeding me now and its as if the more they do that the worse my condition is getting as I decrease the amount of my food afterwards for some reason. Is that common in anorexia?

[ExPat2013]

Yes, I know your parents mean well. However, what non-sufferers don't realize is the more the force a sufferer to eat, the more it restricts their food. I was lucky to have such an amazing dietitian, who had experience in treating eating disorders and completed her internship at an eating disorder clinic. During my treatment, the nurses were trying and pressuring me to eat more and it made me worse. My Dietitian put a stop to that and set realistic eating goals that I felt comfortable obtaining. It was very gradual. I will give you this important piece of advice: get to the root of the eating disorder. Why do you feel the need to restrict your food? For me, I was teased in junior high for being fat and at the time, I had an emotionally abusive boyfriend who told me I was fat. So, I lost over 70 lbs and I spent a long time, focusing on learning about calories and fat content in food, when I should have been focusing on my self-esteem issues. That prolonged my recovery and I went through many relapses because of it. SO make sure you get cognitive-behavioral therapy. It helps!

When it comes to your Parents, perhaps talk to them directly or get a nurse or treatment professional to mediate. Tell them that while you understand they are concerned about your well being, they must not pressure you to eat and you must slowly regain your eating habits in a healthy way. Pressuring makes it worse. I had the same conversation with my Parents all of those years ago and it helped. Remember, they feel a sense of panic in wanting you well and eating is what will make you well. Non-sufferers have no problem with eating and feel it is a normal, natural behavior that will "fix" the issue. You and I know that it's much more difficult than that. You may want to check out my post on "Tips for those who are starting to eat again...". My best advice is the CBTherapy and dietary counselling. This on an ongoing basis for some time will help. I'm always here for support and remember that recovery is possible!

[NekoChan98]

Thankyou so much for the advice,  I appreciate all of your help. I am going to speak to my parents about this and try to follow your advice. I feel less panicy now that you've given me advice and I need to work on finding the root of my problem.  I don't particularly know what it was caused by, but if I'm not wrong, I think it was me not being able to get into clothes that I really liked and being told by people close to me that I needed to loose weight all the time. I was a fat child and was also sometimes forced to go on a diet. So that's probably why I have this issue right now.

Anyway thank you for everything ♥

[ExPat2013]

You are so very welcome! You are very mature and I commend you for taking charge of your eating disorder by reaching out for help. Also, recognizing some potential causes puts you on the right road to recovery. Let us know how the chat with your Parents go. What helped for me was to start off by putting myself in their shoes: "I understand you are both very concerned for my health and I really appreciate that..". Also, by not silencing them and giving them some control. Us sufferers need and want control over our eating. I explained to my Parents about making it worse by asking me or forcing me to eat, as well as preparing meals for me. Us sufferers want to feel cared for and loved. So I told me Parents not to freak out of I skip a meal or eat very little during a meal. I also told them it was ok that if I didn't eat for a day or two, to suggest I eat. My Parents would tell me, "there is crackers in the pantry" or "there is an egg in the fridge you may want to try and eat". This approach didn't make me feel forced or pressured to eat. I was able to go to the fridge or pantry and eat portion of food I was comfortable with at that time. This approach didn't make my Parents feel powerless to my situation and I didn't feel pressured or forced so it was a very happy medium at that time.

Also, to realize that non-sufferers find eating a basic was to sustain life and also an enjoyable part of life. They don't really understand what it's like to not want to eat, even though we feel ill. Sounds simple to them but not to us!

Another bit of advice is to always be realistic and comfortable with your eating goals. To this day, I portion my food to a realistic level. If everyone else grabs a huge plate of food, I may take a lesser portion. Since I'm recovered, this is easier for me. However, I'm also cautious not to spark a relapse by eating too much and dealing with the guilt afterwards. I hope this helps and keep in touch! Here for your support:)

[NekoChan98]

Ahhh yes this is very helpful thank you so much for this advice. Now I have a much better idea on how to approach talking to my parents and I'm hoping that they will understand. I will also try to maybe get one or two days in the week where I eat a more reasonable amount of food. I don't think I can have as much as others, but I'll try for more than usual.  I'm very grateful for all the help and support and I will keep in touch. Thankyou so much.

[ExPat2013]

Awesome! Please keep in touch:)