Battling ED from young age into my thirties

[gottalift00]

I really appreciate these forums being here for us seeking help. Thanks.

I've been battling ED for a very long time now, from an early age to now being in my mid thirties.

I've always tried to hide my problem by being too tired, too drunk, and through secretly using ED medication before the act.

I went to several doctors and a urologist along the years and all they can offer me is ED medication as they believe the problem is psychological.

I hate myself now as my partner can still orgasm, get aroused, even though she is not in the mood at times. I on the other hand can't get it up, while in the mood or without being in the mood, without the use of medication.

I did watch a lot of porn during my earlier years, which may have done some harm. I remember also watching a segment about increasing your orgasm, by holding the tip of your penis whilst you were ejaculating, so I'm not sure if I did some damage there.

I also suffered from abuse when I was younger, where I saw my grandmother naked at times, and which at one time, she made me insert a pen into her vagina.

What's plagued me all these years is why I can't get it up? Am I less a man? Am I half a man by not being able to express myself with a woman?

I also find myself thinking about my partners previous ex-boyfriends, and how they would have pleased my partner as men, and not broken as myself - being half a man.

The last thing that also plagues me is that is there a problem with my sexuality if my penis isn't working as expected with my partner.

I'm a lost soul right now and I'm hoping for some advice.

Thanks.

[Harv_c]

I am sorry, but it sounds exactly psychological, but this can be fixed,  you just need the right help.  Make an appointment with a psychologist.  In your mid thirties you should not have this issue from a physical stand point.  Many things from our childhood can direct how we perform.  
It has nothing to do with how good a man you are or your worthiness, only how you feel about it.
Normally, good sexual experiences when younger enhance your sexuality.  Perhaps you had some bad times you are not stating here.. but a few sessions with a psychologist should get to the basis of your issue.

[gottalift00]

Thanks for your reply.

I'll read your other posts to get better insight into my problems.

What do you think I should do now?

[Helper015]

Hey gottalift00, I just sent you a message to your inbox!

[Helper015]

Hey gottalift00, thank you for posting. The questions you are asking yourself and what you are feeling, I've asked and felt too.  It's normal to feel this way as a man.  My injury also occurred at an early age and lasted through my 20s.  Viagra even stopped working for me.

I've also had the experience in the medical system only being told about medication, and doctors not wanting to entertain curative solutions, even investigation into what is going on.

Perhaps you've read a post of mine on this site before, so I hope I'm not repeating.  But I learned that you can think of an erection in three parts: (1) initiating (brain/nerves), (2) filling (blood flow in), and (3) trapping (keeping the blood in the penis)

You get stimulated, you relax, blood rushes into the penis, this causes the penile tissue to expand, it expands against the wall of the penis (tunica).  Inbetween the wall of the penis and the penile tissue are veins.  When the penile tissue expands fully, it pinches the veins shut, preventing the blood from escaping, thus maintaining a hard erection.  When arousal reduces, the tissue contracts, the veins are opened back up, and the blood escapes back to the heart.

So the cause of ED can be in 1 or more of these three parts.

For me I had localized blocked arteries and scar tissue.  Blocked arteries affect the inflow of blood, and the scar tissue holds back the penile tissue from expanding to one extent or another.  If the penile tissue is held back from expanding then the veins are not (fully) pinched shut, thus blood is able to escape as soon as it enters the penis, and that may mean an erection is lost almost instantly or just doesn't get hard enough for penetration (venous leak).

There are different tests a urologist who knows, can do.  And there are treatments out there, several I have gone through myself.  So things can get better and there is hope.

I suppose psychological is a real cause out there for some guys, but physical is also a cause, and it's probably physical - that's my bias anyway.  I wouldn't accept psychological unless all the other boxes have been checked off first.

My case was obviously physical - but it didn't stop doctors from telling me psychological either - I was 100% perfect erections, had an injury, then was impotent.  Didn't matter how stimulated I was, there was a physical issue going on, it doesn't reflect on the girl, on you, on anything other than a physical issue, just like if you injured your hand and couldn't write so well for a while - no one would even think how that has anything to do with what you're writing, your mental state or anything like that.  The penis can be injured.  For some reason I didn't even really think it was possible, but then it happened.  I don't know why the medical community is so confused about this.  You can injury any other part of your body - why do doctors jump to psychological so much when it comes to that part.

[gottalift00]

The other depressing part is that all of this held me back from having a very active sexual lifestyle during my 20s. I did have a steady girlfriend for part of that time, but when it ended, even she told me that I wouldn't be able to make love to anyone else.