First off, go Yankees!!
Secondly, I am no psychologist, but it seems like you are filled with a great deal of guilt and possibly even shame about your ex's abortion. You more than likely associate intercourse with that event since it is directly linked to pregnancy and you just mentally check out when you are about to engage in it. Since you are really into this new partner, you may also be afraid of hurting her in the exact same way, which would definitely pile on to your mental block. I doubt that there is anything physically wrong with you, so you may want to seek out help from a therapist to sort this one out. And don't beat yourself up about this. That will not help the situation.
You also want the support of your partner. Though I do not know if full disclosure is necessary (that is for you to decide), you want to at least let her know that you do have some sort of anxiety dealing with intercourse (i.e. you are afraid you are going to get her pregnant). Good luck.
my fiance and i had this exact problem when we first met.... we immediately knew that each other could be 'the one'. for the first month of our relationship he could not get it up at the right time, and if he did at all, it wouldn't last. Once this happened the first time he became very nervous that it would happen again, and sure enough it did. for about a month, the anticipation, insecurity, and fear of it not working the way he wanted it to made the problem worse. we even tried it without a condom, which was not the solution. It became a vicious cycle where he would psych himself out. I didn't take it personally, i understood what he was going through and i gave him the benefit of the doubt that there was nothing really wrong with him and that it wasn't because of his attraction to me.
we talked about it openly, we started to become more comfortable and talked about it a lot. Eventually it worked perfectly and we never had the problem again. Now we are engaged and over that problem. He said that talking about it openly to me made him less nervous. Taking the elephant out of the room will take away some of the fear and insecurity. It is also better for her when she gets to talk with you about it with you instead of her friends, it can only help and establish good communication.
Once we addressed the issue verbally we addressed it physically, i was patient with him and took it a little slower. It became more causal, we didnt put too much pressure on it. He said it helped when i stroked it slowly and lightly- but in a casual way (not in bed ready for sex, but while watching tv or something)
we made sure not to race against the time of his erection. it is important to make sure that sex doesn't revolve around chasing your erection, as in not getting into it just because it is hard. It is easy to fall into that under these circumstances... it is really not good for you or her if it becomes like that. Take it slow, try to relax, talk about it openly, dont put so much pressure on it, dont let sex revolve around it. see it for what it is- your with a special girl and you want it to be perfect for her. If she cant work with you to help you over come this than she is not the one for you anyway, and if she does, than you know just how special she is.
good luck (perhaps you should have her read this if you think it might help)
if you're using a condom, you shouldn't have no issue having sex and not worrying if she will get pregnant... (if this is the issue here)
Not that I have any advice for you, but I wanted to thank you for posting this question. I'm having the same problem and it's nice to know I'm not alone. Usually I can't keep it down, but after my ex broke up with me after 2.5 years (my first real long relationship) I didnt think it would change my sex life. Im seeing a new girl that I really like (she loves sex), and Im hard until I know we are having sex, then it goes away. I psyc myself out, and Im not sure if its because its a new person after a long term relationship, or if its because she wants sex so bad and I know it that I feel pressured to please her.
Anyways, just wanted to let you, and other readers, know that you arent alone.
Thanx i have same issue it suxs. sometimes its good but mostly bad. sighned limp in canada.. want freinds support kinda people.
Any fear, doubt or worry will get in the way of you becoming erect. Your job is to just become as mentally aroused as possible, and the erection will follow. This will help to overcome your mental ED: https://www.mistermanpower.net/blog/overcome-mental-ed-with-a-flood-of-horniness-heres-how.php