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Sudden loss of sensation
I have no idea what's wrong. I was having sex with my girlfriend, without a condom (she was on the pill) and I suddenly lost most of the sensation. I had hoped it would come back quickly, but it ended up persisting right up until she eventually broke up with me, which was around 4 weeks ago. The loss of sensation had affected us both, as I found myself unable to sustain an erection for long, and I also was unable to ejaculate during sex. Masturbation still worked, and oral still felt good, but it wouldn't get hard enough for penetration. The times I did get hard enough for penetration, it would only last a few minutes before it went flaccid, without ejaculation.
This problem has persisted for a number of months, so I can only assume it is still affecting me, but I am unsure as I have had no sexual contact since the break-up. Does anyone have any idea what the problem may be? The only symptom is the loss of sensation and inability to sustain an erection. It's not going to be because of getting old, either, i'm only 17! If anybody can help me, it would be greatly appreciated, as this is probably going to affect the rest of my life if it isn't dealt with.
This problem has persisted for a number of months, so I can only assume it is still affecting me, but I am unsure as I have had no sexual contact since the break-up. Does anyone have any idea what the problem may be? The only symptom is the loss of sensation and inability to sustain an erection. It's not going to be because of getting old, either, i'm only 17! If anybody can help me, it would be greatly appreciated, as this is probably going to affect the rest of my life if it isn't dealt with.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Oh my. It sounds like you worried yourself right out of a relationship. I'm sorry your girlfriend broke up with you. It's fruitless to speculate, but that may have been other reasons, and she just used sex as an excuse.
No matter. Let's deal with the "now." The fact that you're having erections and sensations during both self-pleasuring and oral sex is a big clue: There's something about penis-vagina sex that is creating an anxiety. Since you haven't had p-v sex with anyone since the break-up, there's no way of knowing whether this anxiety was specific to your girlfriend. Look back on the relationship. Were there conflicts? Did you begin to feel less interested in her? Was she less interested in you? These are questions only you can answer.
You can worry yourself into a state where you won't allow yourself to become aroused by a new partner, or you can engage in some self-reflection and figure this out. Here's some general information for you, which may help.
There are several issues here: the first is whether you do, in fact, experience a total lack of sensation. Sometimes when men no longer have the erections they expect to have, they interpret this as a lack of feeling when, in reality, it’s merely that the sensations have changed to something unfamiliar. Of course, condoms can also reduce sensation. Ah ha! Have you thought of that? Try finding the thinnest condom you can and then experiment with it during self-pleasuring.
It’s also possible that you had a condition which temporarily interfered with sensation, but once you became anxious and your confidence disappeared, you started worrying so much that it became a vicious circle: the more you worried, the more your penis refused to cooperate. Not to worry; lots of men have overcome this concern.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just convinced yourself there’s something amiss, and now you’ve created a viscous circle. As soon as your penis didn’t do exactly what you wanted, you started to worry. Sex is all about what’s going on in your head. The more you worry, the more your penis isn’t going to cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious! You need to relax. If someone tells you NOT to think of elephants, what’s the first thing you think about? That’s right. Elephants. And if you worry about getting erections, same thing: self-fulfilling prophesy.
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
No matter. Let's deal with the "now." The fact that you're having erections and sensations during both self-pleasuring and oral sex is a big clue: There's something about penis-vagina sex that is creating an anxiety. Since you haven't had p-v sex with anyone since the break-up, there's no way of knowing whether this anxiety was specific to your girlfriend. Look back on the relationship. Were there conflicts? Did you begin to feel less interested in her? Was she less interested in you? These are questions only you can answer.
You can worry yourself into a state where you won't allow yourself to become aroused by a new partner, or you can engage in some self-reflection and figure this out. Here's some general information for you, which may help.
There are several issues here: the first is whether you do, in fact, experience a total lack of sensation. Sometimes when men no longer have the erections they expect to have, they interpret this as a lack of feeling when, in reality, it’s merely that the sensations have changed to something unfamiliar. Of course, condoms can also reduce sensation. Ah ha! Have you thought of that? Try finding the thinnest condom you can and then experiment with it during self-pleasuring.
It’s also possible that you had a condition which temporarily interfered with sensation, but once you became anxious and your confidence disappeared, you started worrying so much that it became a vicious circle: the more you worried, the more your penis refused to cooperate. Not to worry; lots of men have overcome this concern.
There’s nothing wrong with you. You’ve just convinced yourself there’s something amiss, and now you’ve created a viscous circle. As soon as your penis didn’t do exactly what you wanted, you started to worry. Sex is all about what’s going on in your head. The more you worry, the more your penis isn’t going to cooperate. In fact, it can be downright rebellious! You need to relax. If someone tells you NOT to think of elephants, what’s the first thing you think about? That’s right. Elephants. And if you worry about getting erections, same thing: self-fulfilling prophesy.
Erections go up and down. You’ll find this happening all your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy sex, but you have to adjust your attitude and relax. Many men feel that if their erection goes down even a tiny bit, there’s something wrong with them. Where does this come from?
Men receive so many messages that sex is about “performance” and pleasing a partner, rather than just enjoying the pleasure of it. Everything is goal-oriented—like a football game. The other message that many men receive is that sex is somehow dirty and wrong, unless you’re doing it for reproductive purposes. Sometimes this can creep into our unconscious thoughts and sabotage any pleasure. Ask yourself whether you have any conflicts about being sexual—any old messages that might be lurking in your subconscious.
For more information about erection issues, attitude, etc., I highly recommend the book “The New Male Sexuality” by Bernie Zilbergeld, Ph.D. It’s widely available in paperback and is an invaluable resource.
Relax, stop putting pressure on yourself and enjoy sex for what it is: pleasure. Give yourself permission to enjoy whatever happens—and find partners who aren’t hung up on performances issues either. Best of luck to you. Dr. J
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I'm happy to help. Your next step is to learn from these insights you're having about yourself, so that you're more comfortable and relaxed in your next sexual relationship. Dr. J
Thank you so much for answering my question. It is a very good answer, I feel, and it has really lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders.
Also, I feel I should've worded myself better. When I said my girlfriend and I eventually broke up, I didn't mean it was because of the sex. We just had an insanely huge argument.
Anyway, thanks a lot for your help, I practically feel better already. Everything you said really seems to make perfect sense, and I can pretty much see myself in all of it.
Also, I feel I should've worded myself better. When I said my girlfriend and I eventually broke up, I didn't mean it was because of the sex. We just had an insanely huge argument.
Anyway, thanks a lot for your help, I practically feel better already. Everything you said really seems to make perfect sense, and I can pretty much see myself in all of it.
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