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Trouble Getting Aroused

Dr J,  When I was younger I was very insecure around girls because I was scrawny, pimply, and awkward.. eventually grew up to be a nice handsome man but always felt like I was way behind on experience with girls and remained very nervous right before we are about to hook up(to the point where I am shaking sometimes)...  Over the years this lead to a lot of lonely nights and masturbation...  I love girls,  find them very attractive,  but I am finding now that I am conditioning myself to only respond to pornos and my own thoughts and when I see a girl in real life it doesnt have the same effect on me.  How the hell do I get over this?
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523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi Hank.

I can't tell you how to change your feelings, but if you sincerely want to begin to relate to real women, I do have a few ideas.

There are obviously some very profound reasons for your discomfort and your avoidance of women. Only you can know what those are, and in order to achieve some insight, you'll need to see a counselor who is trained to help people with sexual concerns.

After you gain insight into your feelings, the next step is to learn how to socially and sexually interact with women.

There is an option to work with a surrogate partner in addition to a counselor. Surrogates work in conjunction with a counselor, much like a swimming coach would work with a therapist who's helping someone who has a fear of the water. Once the therapist helps the person get over their fear, the coach takes over to actually teach the person to swim.

Surrogate partners can help you become comfortable, confident and knowledgable. I have seen many very shy men blossom after consulting with a surrogate partner. This might be a helpful option for you to consider. Good luck Hank. Dr. J
Helpful - 1
Avatar universal
Thank you very much Dr. J  I appreciate it!
Helpful - 0
523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Yes, I'll send info to your inbox as soon as I have something concrete to tell you. Am checking with resources. Dr. J
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Thank You Dr. J... I am not sure how to receive personal messages here.  If you want you can email the info to ***@****

Here I checked my inbox but not sure if thats the right area
Helpful - 0
523042 tn?1212177895
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
I will send you a personal message with information. Dr. J
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Hi Dr J,  Thank you very much for your response... I think the Surrogate partner thing is something that could really help me... I am very excited,  didn't know something like that existed.   My only question is how to I find a good place?  I live in north new jersey/ nyc area... do you know of any places in this area that are good?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Not sure what your thoughts are about this but, maybe,  you should consider paying a "professional".  They don't care if you perform or not, and if you find someone who is willing to work with you, to help you get over your fears, and such, maybe this is just the cure.  
Remember they (prostitutes) are getting paid either way.  And who better to help you than someone who has been around the "block" a few times?

Good luck and don't hide away your whole life, worrying about how you might "perform" , else you will NEVER live your life.
Helpful - 0

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