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lack of sex and desire

My husband recently got help for ED. Before this our sex life was nonexistent. I never initiated because if I did, it usually ended with him ejaculating quickly or him going soft. I have always had a higher sex drive than him. I have suppressed my own needs for so long that after him seeking help, I was excited to get back into things. I initiate almost every time and even with the meds, he will go soft or he pull out and be "done". By done I mean that we will be going at it and he will just pull out and not finish. I will not either. He will just turn over or lay down and that is the end of that. He really likes oral, but what it comes down to is that I feel like a chore for him. He will not help me finish or be concerned that I haven't. I have brought it up and all it does is end in fighting and him getting defensive. I feel undesired, unwanted, annoying. I worry he is cheating. My inner alarms keep going off and I keep trying to figure out how to fix things. I am now fighting depression and have been having nightmares of finding him cheating.
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How long have you been married?  Did you two ever have a good sex life?  It is encouraging that he did get help for ED from his doctor, but if his ED occurs from psychological reasons, then he may have more work to do.  Of course, he has to be willing.  Some men have certain sexual interests or fetishes that they have interest in (such as breasts or butts, etc.) that get them "turned on".  He could also be using pornography as an outlet.  These are all topics that it would  be good for you both to discuss calmly, but once again, he has to be willing.
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