HOLY POO! You will NOT believe this!!!! POSITIVE TODAY!

[scienceteacher79]

As you all know - 2 weeks ago I was getting very very fainbt positives. Started bleeding 2 saturdays ago (brown and weird looking). Went to have my blood test done almost 2 wks ago EXACTLY! "Less than one" was my beta test. So, after all the money and pain, we lost another baby - or so I THOUGHT! Now, I had a little period the few days after I started bleeding - brownish, reddish, chunky (sorry - TMI!) - nothing like a normal period but whatever. Anyway, I finally had sex with DH again Saturday (yesterday) and started to spot (brown - dark, no red) which is completely weird. I never spot in between periods. Anyway, i had one digital test left and said "what the heck". I had literally JUST peed 5 mins before and managed to sqeeze out a few drops (like 5! haha) into a cup and stuck the test in. It started blinking so I jumped in the shower and put it on the outside ledge. AND THEN I SAW IT! YES+ IT SAID YES+!! So, i screamed for DH, tried to explain it to him and then started to laugh hysterically. IT WAS ALL I COULD DO!! HAHAHAHAH! So, of course I ran to walmart and got more tests!! HAHAH!! They are all positive! Not as dark as I feel they should be for almost 6 wks so I am not thinking this is going to work out to be a good scenerio BUT that is the darkest tests I HAVE EVER HAD!! HAHAHAH - I can not believe this. I am going to the doc at 8am sharp and hopefully will know something by 3 or 4pm tomorrow.

It is either going to be: remnants of something that tried to grow, an ectopic (god I hope not - I only have one good unblocked tube), or a miracle baby - sweet Lord! I am so freaked out right now!!!

Any thoughts?

[Helen72]

Jen,
I hope everything goes well for you tomorrow and you will be able to take that much deserved break.  Please post how it all goes.  We all here love you!!!

[mhv]

You are an amazing person with amazing strength.  You have amazing humor and give much neede support to so many!  
I sooo agree with you that this long fertility road changes a person.  I feel it has taken the sparkle out of my eye, it takes the spring outta my step.  I watch everyone around have successful pregnancies and yet, we just sit here waiting... dealing with a year old m/c.  I don't know how/why I keep trying... well, yes I do.  I do because I want to hold my little one in my arms and cannot wait to change dirty diapers.  I want a child to take to Disney, and to the beach... It's just so dang frusterating!
I have spent more $ on this then I have anything in my life! (my hubby already had his house when we got married) and would spend thousands more just for a healthy pregnancy!
We will get there someday!  I believe that!  I have to believe that our I will just lay down on the floor right here at work and sob... (that would be weird huh??)
I wish you success, and fullfillment.  We are always here for you when you decide to "pop" back in... and if you are anything like me... that will be often!  

Keep in touch, drink some wine... and Hang In There!
Melissa

[usuk]

try DHEA. i have been on it for 3 days and i feel more like myself. a bit more "gumption" and laughing harder. it's meant to help with egg quality so i did not make the connection until this morning but although i am sad, it's way deep down under some layers of bravado (spelling?) now. i think it's an anti aging thing and believe me this last 3 years has aged me.

understand if you need to "vacate the premises" but will miss you.

[JennTTC]

You deserve that glass of wine!!!!!! Enjoy it!!!!

[scienceteacher79]

I will just be happy to have it all done with. We have decided to forgo TTc for about a year. I need the lose the million pounds this fertility junk has put on me. And frankly I need a LONGGGGGGGGGGG break from all of this. I am a bitter, bitter woman from the toll it has taken on me. I am tired of the running around, stabbing myself, paying thousands upon thousands of $ (which i will be paying again on friday - ugh - MORE $ down the toilet), the stress, the heartache, the disappointment, the anger - i need a break from it all. I am not the person I used to be. I am depressed a good bit of the time, my body has gone to hell, I am tired all the time - did I mention depressed? :) So, hopefully all of this will go fine and we can go on with our lives like normal, rational human beings for a while. Then decide what we want to do in a little while. Ugh - I need a glass of wine :)

[Helen72]

I am so sorry Jen.
But I know lots of ladies got prego after a lap.  I hope it works for you.
What a rollercoaster!!!!