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1369040 tn?1344123834

Helping my husband cope...

I could use some tips on how to help my husband cope with both his infertility and with us having to use donor sperm.  I keep explaining to him that he's going to be dad, the only dad, and that he's making this possible with all his hard work (he's been working a lot of overtime to pay for these treatments).

He's offered me a non-contested divorce over his infertility....I don't want that.  I want to have kids with him, raise kids with him.  I'm setting him up with a psychologist to help him deal, other than that I don't know what else to say or how to help him cope.

Any suggestions?
Best Answer
631676 tn?1333718203
this goes back to the caveman days i think." planting your seed and making sure no other man's seed gets to your wife...."

but, i think the egg is so much more precious. and medically it is literally more important. you only make one a month and only have a limited quantity from birth. and he makes millions every day and will never run out. he needs to be grateful that the amount of medical intervention for you to have children is way less invasive, less expensive, and that it is an easier fix.

i know the male ego though so try some counseling. and make him feel as manly as possible in every other aspect. sounds old fashioned but i know someone who had this problem and when he felt like he was not doing something perfect as a dad or husband, his insecure behavior was doubled.

good luck :)
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1369040 tn?1344123834
Okay...so now I feel like a jerk.  DH just said last night that he thinks it'd be easier for him that if we end up having a boy that we name him after him.   It's a cute idea...I know, but I hate my husband's legal first name "John"....it's so boring.  Oi.  I don't even call him John, I call him Jack.  This and our kid would be one of those "the thirds" as DH is a Jr.

I don't know how to handle this with grace...any insight?
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1369040 tn?1344123834
Totally going to set DH up with an appointment to see a counselor.  I just hope that's enough...
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1369040 tn?1344123834
Thanks for your prospective.  
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961574 tn?1520648103
COMMUNITY LEADER
mhv
I am 43 and am using donor eggs.  I think it's the same thing for both him and I.  I didn't even try to use my own eggs as I just want the best chance possible of becoming a mom.  I often feel that my husband always has a "chance" to be a dad, because he could divorce me and find a 20somthing year old and have kids wih her.  I pray that would never happen, but know there is always that chance.  I think as you get closer and closer to the time, your hubby will become more adjusted to that thoughts that you both just want a happy healthy baby.  I know I don't care how my dh and I get our lil one, as long as we get one.  When he is holding that lil one in his arms, he won't care either!!!  BTW... I am also adopted, and my adoptive parents couldn't love me anymore than if they had given birth to me.... a sperm donor/egg donor doesn't a parent make.... it the people who hold you, love you and give you support and uncondtional love that are your parents!!!  I know that first hand!
Good luck with your husband and I hope and pray you get your wonderful bundle of joy soon!!
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